So Now It Seems Like I'm Bleeding

I was so bored with life so I decided to drop by Animé's profile on a social networking site. Well, it seems like he's happily not to mention madly in love with his girlfriend these days. I mean, at this point his friend and he were even talking about Animé having a baby with his girlfriend or something. Hmm, as I've said it seems like Animé and his girlfriend have been together for quite a long time now and it seems like the only thing that's lacking in their relationship at this point is a wedding and of course a baby comes after that. LOL. By the way, I also dropped by Where's-Your-Teacher?'s profile on a social networking and a picture of him carrying his son on a park greeted me with a big hello. LOL. Well, nothing much. I mean, I guess it's just that fanatic in me resurfacing all over again or something. Oh, I won't dare to add them on my official account on a social networking site. LOL. I mean, I think that's somewhat going too far or something. Damn it.

Oh, not to mention that I also dropped by Sam Keanu Neuryc's profile on a social networking site. Hmm, he wrote something in his mother tongue on his timeline a few months ago and thank goodness for the translation that I was able to somehow figure out what it means. Well, if I was able to catch the drift of what he wrote the right way it seems like he was hurting when he wrote whatever that is he wrote or something. Hmm, it's just that I don't know if he's still hurting up until now or what. You know what? I really want to know Sam Keanu Neuryc's offical social networking accounts 'coz obviously those accounts in which I had the chance to talk to him were unofficial ones. Well, if I remember it right Sam Keanu Neuryc sent me a link via e-mail message a few months ago. Hmm, I'm kind of hesitant to open that link or something. I mean, what if that link contains a virus or something. I mean, I can't risk it 'coz I really can't afford to buy myself a new laptop these days. Damn, why am I talking about my crushes all over again? Well, I don't know with me. LOL. Well, I guess I'm just bored with life all over again or something. Damn it.

By the way, I'm thinking of doing the Math all over again. Hmm, I now have thirty friends on my official account on a social networking site. Well, I decided to sort them out so I added three friends as family, eight friends as close friends, two friends as interesting friends, and seventeen friends as acquaintances. Well, most of them were my former classmates with two relatives and one schoolmate. Damn, why am I doing the Math all over again? Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense out here. By the way, I'm not really that close to those friends I added as close friends. I mean, I just thought of stressing out that one. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really that close to anyone.

Oh, it's been a long while since Sam Keanu Neuryc posted something on his account in which I got the chance to talk to him which makes me think that maybe he has abandoned that account or something. Damn, it seems like the harmless stalker in me won't have any scoop from Sam Keanu Neuryc or something. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? I'm really running out of nonsense out here. By the way, I went browsing through photo albums on a social networking and liked those photos that I find interesting. Well, I don't know with me. LOL. I mean, I guess I'm just so damn bored with life or something. Hmm, on second thought I like browsing through photos. I mean, I guess it's just the frustrated photographer in me resurfacing all over again or something. Damn, what am I saying? Well, I don't know with me. Damn it. Hmm, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Oh, not to mention that I better try my best to hold back the harmless stalker in me. I mean, it seems like my crushes are happy with their lives now with someone special which leaves me bleeding 'coz unfortunately that special someone isn't me and never will be. Sigh. LOL.

Life is All About Making Choices

Hmm, remember me saying that the book of life God wrote for each and every one of us is like a flowchart? Well, it's like what will happen next in our lives will depend on the choices that we make as of the moment. Hmm, am I making some sense here? Oh, now I came to wonder what if the choices we make in life are also predetermined in the book of life God wrote for each and every one of us. Well, I don't really know. All I know is I don't believe in destiny 'coz I believe in making choices. Hmm, sometimes we end up making the wrong choices but we learn from our mistakes in the end somehow. I mean, I think it's impossible for somebody to make the right choices all of the time, right? Well, this time around I'm choosing to take a path towards a career in writing. Hmm, I don't know where this path is going but I'm happy with the choice I made.

Well, career wise I choose to be a writer. It's just that when it comes to my personal life in the real world everybody knows I choose to be an old maiden. LOL. Oh, and for the record I'm single since birth or shall I say since the 17^th of July 1988 which means I never had a boyfriend my whole damn life and I'm proud of it. Well, not to mention that I'm also a sexual virgin which means I never had sex with anyone my whole damn life and I'm proud of it. LOL. Oh, I may have a crush on a few boys and at times men since I was eight years old 'til present and I may have daydreams about my crushes and I from time to time or as a lullaby to sleep since then. It's just that I'm not really that interested in boys or men which means I'm not interested in getting into a relationship with any boy or any men and that's an amen. LOL. Well, as I've said I just like the feeling of having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I as a lullaby before going to sleep and I'm not interested in anything more than that in the real world everybody knows. LOL.

I mean, if you ask me I think I'm not the girlfriend material, a wife material, and a mother material. LOL. Well, I'm thinking that it's much better for me to be an old maiden 'coz I'm not ready for whatever that is that comes with having a family. Hmm, if you know what I mean. Oh, not to mention that I'm not the marrying type. You know what? I think everyone knows that it takes a lot of responsibility to be a wife and a parent not to mention the all sorts of problems that comes along with it and it's just not my thing. I mean, I can honestly spend the rest of my life just writing here on my laptop as I am make believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. LOL. Well, it's just that I know myself and I know what I can handle and what I cannot handle. You know what? I don't know with me but there are times when I find the thought of settling down and starting a family in the real world everybody knows synonymous to ruining my life.

Hey, I'm just trying to express myself here so I'd like to ask my readers if I ever do have some not to take what I wrote personally 'coz I'm not really writing for anyone else in particular. Well, it's nice to daydream about Mr. Jacob as a hubby and we have two kids which are twins. Hmm, one baby girl and one baby boy. Well, the twins are now seven years old. Hmm, the girl is bubbly and the boy is somewhat rational. Oh, not to mention that I'm already forty years old in this daydream of mine. LOL. It's just that it's just a daydream and reality is a whole lot different from that. I mean, take it from an expert when it comes to daydreaming. I have been daydreaming since time in memorial and up until now none of my daydreams did ever came true. Hmm, not a single one of it. LOL. I mean, it's like in real life things don't happen the way you expect it to be whereas in daydreams everything can be as perfect as you want it to be. Hmm, so I'd rather live in my daydreams then. Damn, if I only know how to put my daydreams into writing then I would have written a lot of novels by now. Hmm, on second thought I have forgotten most of my daydreams by now. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, maybe my brain grew tired of daydreaming about those so my brain decided to put those daydreams in a brain shelf or something. LOL. Damn it.

Please Mind Your Own Beeswax

You know what? I'm still not over the mind reading without a gadget issue. I don't know with me. Oh, not to mention that the thought of being a guinea pig is really super annoying. You know what? It makes me want to learn that kind of magic that can block other creatures from getting inside my head. Oh, I read or knew or whatever about that kind of magic in the Fantasy book series I had been busy reading lately. You know what? There really is nothing so special in me so why can't other creatures just mind their own beeswax and leave me alone. I mean, I'm not doing anything to them anyway. Damn it. I'm just simply trying to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and that's pretty much it. I mean, I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. Damn, I can't help wonder why is it so damn hard for other creatures to understand that. Damn it.

Oh, when it comes to my readers if I ever do have some I guess it's much better for them not to take my literary masterpieces too seriously. LOL. I mean, I think taking all the nonsense I have written so far seriously is not an intelligent thing to do. LOL. Well, I simply just want to express myself the way I know how and I think it doesn't take for one to be a genius to understand that. LOL. Hmm, my readers if I ever do have some can keep on reading my blog if they ever feel like doing so. Well, a reminder to them whoever they are is I'm trying my damn best to write a blog for light reading and not a blog with a heavy atmosphere. Hmm, I'm not psychotic anymore or shall I say I'm not going through some mental and emotional torture anymore so the thought that my readers if I ever do have some found my blog entertaining doesn't piss me off anymore. LOL.

Hmm, I'm not really an entertainer. LOL. Well, let's just say I'm just doing my work here as an amateur writer online and there's really nothing personal 'coz it's all part of my work. LOL. I mean, it's really stupid for other creatures to take my literary masterpieces personally 'coz I'm not really writing for anyone in particular. LOL. I'm basically just writing to express myself and that's pretty much it and it's not my problem why other creatures out there are so assuming. LOL. Oh, not to mention that it's none of my concern why other creatures think the way they do. Well, I think I have said something like writing is a need and a want for me. Writing is like a therapy. Writing is what keeps me sane when I'm an inch away from insanity. I mean, writing makes me feel a whole lot better when stuffs don't seem to feel right not to mention that writing also makes me understand myself a whole lot better when I'm confused or something. That's pretty much it.

Hmm, I think there's nothing wrong with being a sort of entertainer by being a blogger here online. It's just that I don't wanna be a celebrity. LOL. I mean, I just wanna live a quiet and peaceful life. LOL. Well, that's why I'm carrying a pen name, right? LOL. Oh, now I remember how I am being entertained whenever I stalk my crushes. It's like my crushes are celebrities and I'm their number one fan. LOL. Well, the thing is I guess it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Hmm, most of my crushes are really celebrities. It's just that there are a few of them who are ordinary people. LOL. Damn, it's funny to realize that here I am whining about other creatures who can't mind their own beeswax when I myself can't mind my own beeswax by stalking my crushes. LOL. Well, on second thought most of my crushes are celebrities so it's nothing new to them to have stalkers and on the other hand I'm just an ordinary person so the thought of being tailed around all over the place is quite annoying. Hey, since I'm just an ordinary person then who would tail after me anyway? Damn, what the heck am I thinking? LOL. Hmm, as I've said it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Well, I'm still gonna keep on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on social networking sites though. I mean, I'm still wishing for a thousand views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it by Christmas. Or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Damn it. LOL.

Live and in the Flesh

So my favorite American rock band had a concert in my country last 13^th of August and it's too bad I wasn't able to watch them play live and in the flesh. LOL. Well, to add to that I only found out about the concert a few hours before the said event via mobile on a social networking site. Hmm, it's just that I'm thinking even if they'll go and play live in a venue nearby where I don't have to ride a plane just to get there I don't think I'm gonna get the chance to watch them anyway. Well, never mind the reason why 'coz I don't feel like stressing it out. LOL. Damn, never mind.

Well, good news is based on my google via mobile on a social networking site my favorite American rock band had a successful concert and I'm so happy for them though it's such a pain in the heart not to witness them rock the whole house down. LOL. Damn, I wonder what it will be like to see my crush who happens to be the lead vocal sing live and in the flesh. Or way much better get a V.I.P. pass and have a photo taken with him. Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL.

Honestly, I was only able to get a copy of their first two record albums. Well, I have the cassette version 'coz it's what I can afford and we have a cassette player at home those days anyway. If I'm not mistaken by the time they released their third record album cassette tapes were extinct by then due to the rise of mp3s so it's either I'll get a copy of the C.D. or get an mp3 copy of their songs. Well, problem is I'm not that rich to do that so up until now I don't have a copy of my favorite American rock band's third to their latest record albums. Damn, what kind of fan am I? LOL.

Well, on second thought not having a copy of all of my favorite American rock band's record albums doesn't make me less of a fan. I mean, there are even times when I'm in a bad mood I just simply go and listen to their music and then I end up feeling a whole lot better. Hey, this is an off topic but I'll write it down anyway. Well, what I want to say is I wish the Punk Princess will release a greatest hits record album after her self-titled fifth studio record album. I mean, I'm not that rich to buy a copy of her third to her latest record albums so might as well get a copy of the greatest hits instead if ever the Punk Princess will go and release one. Damn, how I wish. LOL.

Hey, I just realized that I was such a fanatic way back late grade school to high school days. It's just that everything changed when college came. Well, maybe one factor I can consider is the stereo at home got broken so what's the point of getting a copy of cassette tapes and C.D.s when I can't play and listen to those anyway. Hmm, to add to that then came the rise of mp3s and video sharing websites. Damn, what am I saying? Hey, I'm thinking those weren't the only reasons why the fanatic in me bid farewell or something. Hmm, I'm thinking I'll go with having the stereo at home broken as one of the main factors. Well, I can't think of anything else. LOL. Never mind.

Well, I miss those days when I get the chance to listen to the whole studio record albums of my favorite artists. I mean, as a fan I feel like getting a copy of those record albums I missed and catch up on my favorite artists' music or something. Well, problem is I'm not that rich to do that. Oh, not to mention that when college came two of my favorite music channels switched to cable so I can't watch music videos of the latest songs anymore. Well, it seems like the fanatic in me is somehow coming back to town for good or something. LOL. It's just that if you ask me I like the music best when I was still in high school. Oh, I still have my cassette tapes here with me. I kept them all in a shoe box. By the way, my mobile phone's sound recorder isn't broken so I recorded my voice singing the latest song I wrote. Well, at first I thought my latest song isn't video sharing website worthy. It's just that after recording it on my mobile phone's sound recorder I thought my latest song isn't that bad after all and I'm thinking of uploading it on my official video sharing website's channel carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Well, I don't really know.

As Time Goes By

I came up with a quote one time and it goes like this “Sometimes it feels forever to wait for the next minute. Then one day it's Christmas. New Year seems like yesterday.” Hmm, I guess that makes some sense, right? Well, these days I'm trying to live my life to the fullest the way I know how. Damn, just try to imagine how it sucks to feel like one's life is somehow going nowhere. I mean, I'm quarter of a century old in this whole damn world and I still don't know what the heck am I gonna do with my damn life in the real world everybody knows. Well, never mind. Damn it.

Hey, I'm interested in reading a novel that's more on Psychology or Mystery. Well, I don't know why. LOL. Speaking of novels, I borrowed a novel from my sister a few days ago and read the whole novel in more or less three days. It was a good read, mind you. I mean, the book was really entertaining. Well, since I don't have all the dough in the world to buy myself a new book and I don't feel like reading the rest of my sister's books then I'm thinking of borrowing books from my cousin. Well, maybe I'll push through with it or maybe not. I don't really know. LOL. Whatever.

Oh, as someone who likes the feeling of having crushes I can't help notice my social networking friends' hash tags saying “Why is it that your crush doesn't have a crush on you?”. Well, actually they hash tag it in our national language. I just translated it to English and I'm not so sure if I translated it the right way. LOL. Well, as I've said most if not all of my crushes don't have a single clue that I exist and if ever they do know that I exist I don't think they'll ever fall for a girl like me. I mean, who would like a super boring stalker living such a super boring life? LOL.

Well, not to mention that a lot of people find stalkers creepy. Hmm, actually it depends. I mean, if one is stalking someone and that stalker is good looking then that stalker is considered as a secret admirer whereas if that stalker is not good looking then that stalker remains to be called a stalker. Do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? Well, obviously it never happened that a crush of mine felt the same way I do for him or her and that's an amen. LOL.

It's just that even if such thing happened that a crush of mine felt the same I do for him or her then such thing won't go anywhere anyway. I mean, as I've said I'm not the type who enters into a boy-girl relationship. I guess I'm just up to having a crush feeling for someone or something. Well, it seems like this is how God designed me so I better just be okay with it. LOL. I mean, I guess I'm simply satisfied by daydreaming about my crushes and I may the daydream be a happy ending one or a tragic one. Hmm, maybe I'm not ready for a fantasy to come into reality. LOL.

Well, it's not much of a big deal to be without a partner for the rest of my life. I mean, I have been a loner since time in memorial so it's nothing new to me. I guess I'm better off alone. I mean, I get disorders when I'm with people. LOL. Well, it seems like I'll be an old maiden then or in other words it seems like I'll be forever alone then. LOL. I mean, if I am to choose between career and love life I'll most certainly choose my career over love life. LOL. Damn, why am I talking about having a career when I don't even have one? And why am I talking about love life when I never had one? You know what? I wanna have a career as a writer and singer songwriter. Well, forget about love life. I mean, the only man in my life is my father and the only boy in my life is my brother. I don't want and need another one. I don't think someone out there will ever love me the way my father does but I have a funny feeling somebody out there hates me more than my brother does. LOL. I just don't know who those people are. Well, it's just a funny feeling anyway and it doesn't have any basis at all so I better just forget about it. Damn, what am I saying? LOL.

I don't think my father and mother were against the idea of me being in a boy-girl relationship way back school days. I mean, I'm thinking they trust me enough those days not to screw up or something. LOL. I'm the one who doesn't want to have a boyfriend. Well, maybe in my daydreams my crushes and I have something but not in reality. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I was such a snob to boys back then. LOL. I want someone like Mr. Jersey Seventeen. It's just that none in school is like him. I mean, I have my standards and if my standards are not met then it's much better to have none. LOL. Damn, it seems like I'll be forever alone then, huh? LOL.

Harmless Stalker

It sucks to drop by some of my crushes' profiles on a social networking site only to find out that one is married and the other one is in a long time relationship. Hmm, it seems like the married one now has a kid with his wife and the one who is in a long time relationship will possibly be getting married soon. I mean, he's been in a relationship with his girlfriend for more or less six years and two months now so I guess what's missing in their relationship at this point is simply a wedding. Damn, the mere thought of it is killing me. LOL. I wish them all the best though. LOL.

I mean, most of my crushes don't have a single clue that I exist. I'm not a part of their lives and they are not a part of mine aside from being my crushes and that's pretty much it. Well, the fanatic in me is somehow resurfacing all over again and I wanna add some of my crushes on my official account on a social networking site. It's just that I'm thinking I'd rather not push through with it. I mean, I guess it's time for me to outgrow from being a stalker or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that seeing them happy with someone else is such a pain in the heart. Damn. LOL.

Hmm, this is somewhat an off topic but I'll write it down anyway. I mean, I came to wonder what's worse. Is it doing all you can to turn someone off but no matter how you try that person is still into you? Or is it doing all you can to turn someone on but no matter how you try that person is still not into you? Oh, now I remember my song “Waiting for Nothing”. Hmm, I uploaded that song on a video sharing website's channel carrying my unofficial pen name “Adeline McSunday”.

Well, as I've said I don't have a new crush as of the moment. I mean, my latest crush is that Turkish guy I met on a social networking site during graduate school. Nope, I didn't drop by his profile on a social networking site lately. Actually, I only dropped by the profiles of two of my crushes recently. I call the married one with a kid as “Where's-Your-Teacher?” and never mind the story behind it 'coz I don't feel like sharing then the one who is in a long time relationship is no other than Animé. Damn, it's been ages since I last seen them in person. Hmm, never mind.

Oh, in a micro-blogging website I followed a male celebrity crush of mine who has the same first name as Animé. He's a professional basketball player wearing jersey number seventeen and a celebrity all at the same time. Hmm, it seems like I have given enough clue for you to figure out who he is, huh? LOL. I guess it's safe to say that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is my ideal kind of guy or something. I wonder if I'll ever find someone like him. Well, I don't really know. Who knows?

Well, I guess at this point in my life I'm just up to having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I may the daydream be a happy ending one or a tragic one. LOL. I'm not really the type who enters into a boy-girl relationship anyway. I mean, I'm such a loner since time in memorial. LOL. Oh, not to mention that it seems like my peg these days is what they call on a micro-blogging website as “Forever Alone”. LOL. Well, I guess that's life and that's an amen.

I'm thinking I guess it's time for me to outgrow from being a stalker or something and call my stalking days over. It's just that I have the tendency to change my mind from time to time so I won't add a period to that. Oh, out of boredom I came up with a quote one time and it goes like this. “Dear Bitches, you belong with jerks. Dear Girls, you belong with boys. Dear Women, you belong with men. Dear Crush, you belong with ME!” LOL. I don't know why but I find that one a bit funny though a part of me thinks it doesn't make any sense at all. LOL. I meant that one as a joke and not anything else or whatever. Hmm, I don't know if someone else will find that one funny too. Hey, I think that's a good one to tweet on a micro-blogging website or something.

Excerpts from Behind the Mask

I created a lot of blogs before my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn. It's just that it's either I end up deleting the blog or abandoning it. I mean, back then my psychotic mind dropped by and spoiled everything. It's just that it seems like my psychotic mind already said goodbye for good and it ain't coming back until the end of time which I can consider as good news. LOL. Hmm, one day I found the file where I kept some of my blog posts on my previous blogs and I thought of sharing some of those here on my blog with a little bit of editing or something. LOL.

I chose to post my blog entries “Innocence or Ignorance” and “It's Just a Little Crush” from my old blog “Behind the Mask” carrying one of my old pen names. Well, maybe 'coz I consider these blog posts as one of my literary masterpieces or something. LOL. Hmm, I think I'm gonna go and do some editing to clear things out. I mean, you know how often I end up committing mistakes in my grammar, right? Oh, speaking of mistakes in grammar I spotted grammar mistakes in my blog post “Hush-Hush” but I decided not to change anything in that post and just leave things as that. LOL. I mean, nothing is perfect in this world anyway and we all have flaws. Hey, so much for the introductions. Hmm, so now I bring to you “Innocence or Ignorance” and “It's Just a Little Crush” that I once posted on my previous blog “Behind the Mask” carrying one of my old pen names. Oh, sorry for babbling too much in the introduction and for keeping you waiting. LOL.

Innocence or Ignorance

Myla Marga Eden was in her early grade school days when she spotted a comic book lying somewhere inside the house. Out of curiosity, she decided to read it. The comic was about this college girl who met a boy, as she continued reading, the next pages showed a drawing of the boy on top of the girl and both were naked. And she was like, “What the hell is this?’

A few years later, she discovered a comic section in a local newspaper. The female protagonist in the comic strip was wearing a lot of skimpy clothes and she can’t help but notice the girl’s boobs. Then here comes those Mexican Series. Most of the girls there were so hot and there were a lot of intimate scenes which she somehow liked to watch.

When she was in her late grade school days, she saw a CD lying near the CD player. She decided to play it only to discover that it was a sex tape. She stopped playing the CD for she was scared that someone older will see her watching it.

She began reading romance books when high school came. It were romance pocket books at first then romance novels were next. She really likes reading the intimate parts and if she can, she’ll read it over and over again. It gave her an idea what really goes on when making love with someone. And she was like, “Ah, Okay. So that’s what happens.”

College came and she was able to see a sex scandal saved in a mobile phone. Blame her college friend for it. Her friend made her watch it. She didn’t feel anything while watching the video. To her, it was just some naked bodies doing something.

When graduate school came she ended up being let's say an undercover agent to figure out if her crush is naughty or nice. She pretended to be a naughty girl behind an undercover identity and tried to talk naughty with her crush on an online messenger one time. It's just that what happened wasn't and cannot be counted as making love 'coz what happened between Myla Marga Eden and her crush that time was simply typing one's naughty messages down on an online messenger and nothing more. I mean, there was no physical contact or anything so it wasn't making love at all.

She really can’t help but wonder if her batchmates had already experienced making love. Then she later realized that there’s a possibility that she’s the only one who hasn’t done it.

Myla Marga Eden has an idea of what making love is like. But she hasn’t done it, not even half sex. She can imagine it but she doesn’t know what it really feels like. Thing is, she doesn’t wanna do it with the wrong guy. And she doesn’t wanna do it just because of lust. She wanna do it out of that thing called love.

It’s Just a Little Crush

Here in the country where I live and grew up in, I usually get attracted to the mestizo ones, especially those who are fair skinned, tall, and skinny. LOL. Then, I also have a crush on some Americans and Europeans. I don’t know why. Honestly, I don’t find natives in this country attractive. I’m sorry but I’m just being honest. I don’t wanna say those natives are good looking when the truth is I think otherwise. Maybe I like mestizos ‘coz my father looks Spanish. Yeah, he doesn’t look like a native in this country. Well, I’m just making a wild guess. And my brother looks mestizo too. LOL. I can’t say that I got influenced by T.V. ‘coz I don’t watch T.V. a lot during those times when I had my first crush who happens to be mestizo looking.

Okay, I had my first crush when I was eight. LOL. Well, I only told one person about it when I was nine. His name is a brand of a glue. So let’s call him Mister Glue. Hahah. That’s so stupid. I like him ‘coz he’s white, skinny, and he looks mestizo. Period. No, I didn’t daydream about it. I don’t know how to daydream about a boy and me those days. We were seatmates twice. One day, I heard he got a crush on one of the girls in class. No, not me. It’s another girl. Oh, first heartbreak that was. He moved to another school by fourth grade. And when college came, I just heard that my girl high school classmate and he are a couple. Yeah, that was a bit of a shock. It’s kinda weird ‘coz I watched the stars with that classmate on the night of our retreat. Whatever. Yeah, another example of how small the world is.

When I was in 5^th grade, I had a crush on an Australian. He was in sixth grade that time. Yeah, he’s my second crush. His initials spell PWAF so let’s just call him by that. I can’t remember if it were the Princess of Pop days back then. Thing is, my theme song for PWAF and I is the chorus of a song by Princess of Pop. Why? It’s because every time I can sense he’s near, I run and hide. Hahah. This is when I started daydreaming about my crushes. Well, it was still wholesome daydreams. You know, only up to holding hands and smack on the lips. That’s it. I remember he had a rabbit. I heard he got a crush on one of his girl classmates. How I wished I was in her place.

Well, high school came and I was only gaga about one guy. Yeah, you got it right. It’s no other than the lead vocal of my favorite American rock band. I like him since the first time I saw the music video of their debut single. I love him even more when I saw the music video of their second single. Hahah. Well, my daydreams with this guy weren’t wholesome anymore. Hahah. We even have a baby. I named him Neon. LOL. I can only imagine Neon as a baby maybe until 2 years old. Neon hasn’t grown. Hahah. I don’t know why I like my crush so much. I mean, I hate guys with tattoos. And it’s obvious that he got a lot of it. But it’s okay with me. He’s more or less 12 years older than me which is way pass the 10-year-older-maximum-limit. But it’s okay with me. He’s such a turn off every time I watch the band's behind the scenes videos. But I still like him. I read his tweets and I don’t like his language. But I still like him. Oh, this is what you call unconditional crush. Hahah. I still got a crush on him. But I’m over the daydreaming days about him and I. The same thing happens in my daydreams anyway. Maybe my brain grew tired of it.

College came and I was a bit disappointed. I thought boys in college are mature or something. But as I sensed it, they were still like grade school boys. It was such a turn off. I got a crush on a Chinese mestizo guy when 2^nd year came. We call him Animé. He’s tall, skinny, white, chinky eyes. He looks like that antagonist with cards in a Japanese Animation. You know, that guy who wears his hair in semi-spikes. I forgot the name of that character. There are times that I can spot him in school. But there are also times that I can’t see him. We took different courses. He belongs in a different department. I wonder if he’s one of those clanmates I sent quotes to. LOL. Yeah, it’s like in my wildest dreams. I also stalked this guy on a social networking site back then.

Oh, 3^rd year! Yeah, that damned 3^rd year. Hmm, what are we gonna call him? He’s not handsome. Well, he’s skinny and pale! Hahah. He’s nerdy looking. He’s a bit feminine. He looks like the boy who lived the book cover version. Why don’t we call him Mister Nerdy? I don’t wanna talk about him really. Let’s just say those were the golden days of me as a stalker. Hahah. But I never approached him! I kept my distance. I was just satisfied with looking at him walking around the campus from afar. I don’t even eat at a fast-food chain near the school campus every lunch ‘coz I heard he eats there. You know what? It was easy to type about the previous crushes I had but it’s so hard to write about this Mister Nerdy. I don’t hate him. I don’t like him anymore. Sometimes, I just laugh at what happened. Maybe I was so bored with that course I took way back college and this feeling about him was the only thing that spiced things up. He’s an inspiration turned into destruction. I wanna forget about him. I think he’s a nice person though. Oh, don’t ask about my daydreams. I can’t even remember what were my daydreams about him and I anymore. I don’t know what really happened. Nobody ever told me about it. I’m sick and tired of coming up with what-ifs. I’ll never see him again anyway.

And of course, 2010 came. Yeah, it’s Sam Keanu Neuryc. We met on a social networking site. We talked via webcam for some time. I never thought I’ll find a handsome guy on cyberspace. He lives in Europe. Well, we don’t talk anymore. We got two Cyber Babies, a girl and a boy. He doesn’t know about it. Oh, those Cyber Babies? I just wanna know what my babies with Sam Keanu Neuryc will look like if ever a miracle happens and we will have one. I mean, this is not the right time to make a real one for me 'coz I don't want the whole universe to end. LOL. What I mean is I was only after the photos of my Cyber Babies with Sam Keanu Neuryc. And I was able to imagine those babies grow up into a lady and a gentleman. My baby girl even got married and now has her own baby girl. I’m a grandmom and Sam Keanu Neuryc and I are still together. That’s the first time my daydreams went that far. I like him but he doesn’t like me. I can’t wish it’s him ‘coz I don’t know a thing about him. I wouldn’t know what I’m wishing for. I don’t need a boyfriend anyway. I just want someone to daydream about. LOL.

You know what? I like the feeling of having crushes. But for now, I guess I’m just up to having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I. I don’t know. I’ve been a loner since time in memorial. Maybe God designed me to be in isolation for the rest of my life. Or on a micro-blogging website, it’s called Forever Alone. In real life, I never had a boyfriend. I don’t know what it’s like to be with a boy and be in a boy-girl relationship. So I’m not in the right position to give any relationship advice ‘coz I’ve never been in one. To add to that, I’m still a virgin and I’m proud to be. So to those who noticed my bulging tummy and thought I’m preggy, the whole world is too modern for another Virgin Mary. LOL. I don’t know how the second coming of Christ will be like. But if He’ll come into this Earth the same way He did back then, I’m definitely not gonna be his mom! Hahah. I’m just kidding. I know. It’s not funny. Hahah.

Hush-Hush

If I think it over I don't really get anything from social networking sites aside from unleashing the gossip girl in me and freedom of expression so I'm kind of wondering why the hell am I still hooked to it. Well, I don't know with me. I joined social networking sites 'coz I wanted to have a glimpse of what's going on in my my batchmates' lives at present 'coz I haven't seen them for like years. So I created a social networking account one time and I added almost everyone in my yearbooks from grade school, high school, college, to graduate school in that account. LOL.

You know what? It's kind of weird 'coz after I did that adding thing I ended up gaining weight. Hmm, I don't know if me gaining weight is somehow connected to me adding almost everyone in my yearbooks. Well, I'm also thinking that months before I did that adding thing I just turned twenty-two and I came across a theory via radio one time saying that a person's body changes every seven years. Hmm, it so happen that since at that point in my life I ended up being one or two sizes larger than I was before I turned twenty-two. Uhm, do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? I wish I'll lose the weight I gained really soon or something.

I don't know with me but when I was younger it seems like a mobile phone and the internet are more of a playground to me or something. I don't know why. Well, I had my first mobile phone if I'm not mistaken way back the summer before college. Hmm, at first I didn't know what to do with my first mobile phone. I mean, I don't have my friends' contact numbers at that time or something. Uhm, I forgot how it happened but after a few weeks since college began I was able to get some of my high school friends' contact numbers. Well, maybe I was able to get one of my high school friend's contact number and I asked her to send me our other high school friends' contact numbers or something. Hmm, maybe that's what happened but I'm not so sure. LOL.

I also don't know how it happened but I ended up joining a text clan way back first year college. I'm thinking maybe one of my high school friends or one of my college friends introduced me to join a text clan. If I remember it right I was given a certain mobile number of who happens to be the administrator of that certain text clan. I sent a message to that number saying that I wanna join then after a few minutes messages from other clanmates welcoming me to the clan were flooding my inbox. I did what I can to save all the numbers and say thank you for welcoming me to the clan. Hmm, it's just that I don't know those clanmates in person and there were no social networking sites back then so I don't know what they look like or what are they like or something.

Well, whenever I'm bored way back first year college there were times when I just get my mobile phone and send quotes to almost everyone in my phonebook and if someone I texted to replies then I reply to that person's message and if that person replies to my reply then I go and reply to her/his reply until the conversation gets boring and either one of us will say goodbye or say that either one of us will text the other one later. Hmm, something like that. That's quite simple.

Hmm, I don't really feel like using this term but the term used to pertain to a person one talks to via text is a “textmate”. Well, I don't know how many textmates I had back then. All I know is I just replied and replied to their messages 'coz I was so bored with life and I need to play. LOL. Well, there were some who wanted to take it to the next level and wanted to see me in person. It's just that I'm not the type who does an eyeball so I did whatever I can to come up with an alibi. Oh, not to mention that there were some who wanted to take it to the next level in a sense that those textmates asked me to be their girlfriend. Yeah, that's a big problem. I mean, I haven't even seen those textmates in person and I don't know what they look like and the same thing with them 'coz they have not seen me in person and they don't know what I look like and then they want me to be their girlfriend? What a question mark. Just try to imagine how weird some people can be.

So what I did is I turned those textmates down saying whatever alibi that pops out of my head so I won't end up hurting their feelings. I mean, it's not a joke to be rejected. So I told them no and I don't wanna be their girlfriend and then I changed my number. Yeah, so that's the answer to why I often change my number back in my late teenage years. LOL. I mean, I was just bored and I felt like texting. Well, maybe back then I was thinking that I wasn't talking to another human being. Maybe I was thinking that I was just talking to my mobile phone the whole time or something.

You know what? I often send quotes to almost everyone in my phonebook back then and I'm thinking if I only knew that there's such thing as a micro-blogging website back then and it's easy to post something there then maybe I would just have posted all those quotes on my micro-blogging website account or what. Do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? I mean, you can't blame me. I took a boring course for college that's why I ended up playing around with my mobile phone. It's like studying my boring college lessons was my work and texting was my play. All I know is I didn't mean to cause trouble to anyone or something.

Oh, it's the same thing with chatting on online chatrooms. Well, on online chatrooms I'm more of promoting links or something. I mean, it's either a link to my blog or a link to a video I uploaded on a video sharing website or whatever link that is. Well, I don't really get anything out of promoting links on online chatrooms especially anything monetary. Oh, not to mention that there are times when I bump into naughty people sending visually disturbing photos on online chatrooms. Well, I learned to master the art of deadma when such stuffs happens so there's nothing to worry about me or what. I mean, I won't let such disturbing stuffs ruin my day.

Oh, not to mention that I also became let's say an undercover agent on an online messenger. Well, let's say the aim is to find out if a certain person is naughty or nice. LOL. So I created an account on an online messenger carrying a name I just came up with and bearing a photo of a female celebrity that appeared on a search engine's image results. Let's hide the target person by the name “Mr. Anagram”. So I added Mr. Anagram on that online messenger account I created and we started talking there for some time. I also created social networking accounts for my undercover identity to make it more convincing that that undercover identity is not a phony one.

Hmm, to make that online messenger account also more convincing I added as many people on that online messenger account as possible so Mr. Anagram will think that since the undercover identity has many friends then that undercover identity is a real person and not a phony one. Do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? Hmm, so the story goes like this. One day when Mr. Anagram and I were chatting on that online messenger account I pretended to be a naughty girl and tried to talk naughty. Well, sad news is Mr. Anagram replied in a naughty way to my naughty chat messages until stuffs went naughtier and naughtier until I ended up asking myself what have I gotten myself into. Hmm, to make the long story short it seems like I ended up having an online on-the-job training for a bachelor's degree in the arts of romance novels. Yeah, that's how dedicated I was to my task as an undercover agent on an online messenger at that time. LOL. Well, I was just typing the whole time while brainstorming for what to say next as I try to remember what I have read on those romance novels I read back then anyway so it's not much of a big deal. LOL. Okay, that's the most stupid thing I ever did in my whole damn life and I'm not ever doing it ever again. Hmm, so that ends my story as being once an undercover agent with the aim of figuring out if Mr. Anagram is naughty or nice. LOL.

Well, problem is the data I have gathered wasn't enough to conclude if Mr. Anagram is naughty or nice so sad news is I wasn't able to figure him out. On second thought since Mr. Anagram replied in a naughty way to my naughty messages when I pretended to be a naughty girl then it can somehow support the hunch that Mr. Anagram is a naughty or something. Damn, just try to imagine how pathetic can I get. LOL. As I've said I was being an undercover agent at that time and I was just typing the whole time so it's really not much of a big deal. Hmm, let's just say I was writing a romance novel back then and that was like the climax of the novel or something.

Hmm, I'm not psychotic anymore. It seems like my psychotic mind said goodbye for good. I don't even know why I'm writing about this stuff when I'm supposed to talk about social networking sites in the first place. Well, maybe 'coz Mr. Anagram and I met on a social networking site or something. LOL. FYI, I saw a photo of Mr. Anagram on that social networking site where we met and I saw him a few times via webcam so I know what he looks like and he is pretty damn good looking so maybe that's why I allowed myself to go as pathetic as I can be ending up to be an undercover agent on an online messenger and social networking sites with the aim of figuring out if Mr. Anagram is naughty or nice. Well, as they say that it's part of growing up. All I know is for sure it ain't happening ever again. Damn, I'm like what have I gotten myself into back then. LOL.

Well, look at the bright side 'coz now that I was able to have some sort of online on-the-job training for a bachelor's degree in the arts of romance novels then I now have an idea what to do and what not to do in the actual whatever thing or something. Do you get me? It's like what I read on those romance pocket books and romance novels back then were the theory or what a student reads in textbooks and then what happened on the online messenger with Mr. Anagram was the practice stage of the lesson or the application of the theory. It's just that news is I don't think in the real world everybody knows there will be an actual whatever thing in my whole damn life.

It's Just a Little Crush

If I only know how to put my daydreams into writing I would have written a lot of novels by now. It's just that I don't know how so my dream to one day write a page-turner still remains a dream up until now. Sometimes I tell myself to just settle as a reader 'coz maybe being a writer isn't really meant for me 'coz I just don't have what it takes to be one. But there's a fire within me telling me not to give up and give it one more shot. Well, I'm not really a creative writer. I'm more on writing about my thoughts and my feelings. Yeah, right. As if someone out there cares about what I think and how I feel. LOL. Hmm, I'll keep on writing no matter what anyway. LOL.

I had thoughts of writing a love story 'coz I noticed that it sells more to the youth. It's just that it seems like I'm not the right person to write a love story 'coz I don't have the experience to back it up 'coz I never had any love life in my whole damn life in the first place. Well, I do have daydreams about my crushes and I but as I've said I don't know how to put my daydreams into writing so I better drop the idea of writing a novel about it. I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. LOL. Well, some of my daydreams are happy ending ones but I also have daydreams about my crushes and I with a tragic ending. Hmm, the side of me who is fool enough to be idealistic will go with the happy ending ones. LOL. Damn, can somebody wake me up?

Oh, speaking of crushes I like it better when a crush of mine doesn't give a damn about me or doesn't even know that I exist. I don't know why I like it better that way. Well, maybe 'coz I don't really want anything more than a crush feeling and maybe 'coz I'm not the type who enters into a boy-girl relationship anyway. I mean, I have been a loner since time in memorial and up until now that I'm already in my mid-twenties I still find it hard to adjust to people. I even have a funny feeling that it were the people around me who did whatever they can to adjust to me.

Oh, not to mention that I'm a harmless stalker. Yup, I stalk my crushes. My first crush that I stalked was my Australian schoolmate way back fifth grade. When high school came I stalked the lead vocal of my favorite American rock band online 'coz I have a huge crush on him. LOL. When college came I stalked a Chinito crush of mine who looks like a Japanese Animation Character on a social networking site and semi-stalked him inside the school campus. Also way back college I stalked a campus mate who looks like the boy who lived the book cover version that I had a crush on inside the school campus. LOL. Damn, look how freaky can I get. LOL.

I don't know why I just like looking at them even from afar and knowing some little trivia about them via stalking. When I went to graduate school I stalked a Turkish crush of mine on a social networking site. Well, I don't have a new crush as of the moment and it seems like it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Please don't get me wrong but it seems like stalking my crushes is a form of entertainment on my part. It's like I do get entertained when I stalk them. It's like my crushes are celebrities and I'm their number one fan. Hmm, something like that. LOL.

I guess it's safe to say that I never fell in love with a boy my whole damn life. I mean, if you ask me I think “love” is the most abused word of all time. Saying you love someone isn't like saying “Hello” and “Goodbye”. I like my crushes but I don't love them. Well, what I feel for my crushes is just some sort of severe infatuation that is most often mistaken as love. Hmm, why am I talking about my crushes? Well, maybe 'coz I find it an interesting topic to talk about. LOL. Hmm, now I'm having second thoughts if do I really find this topic interesting. Well, maybe my younger self will find this one interesting. It's just that I'm older now so this topic is just a so-and-so topic for me or something. I don't even know why I'm talking about this stuff when I'm supposed to talk about my dream to one day write a page-turner to begin with. I don't know with me. Well, I just hope my readers will find this topic interesting if I ever do have readers in the first place. LOL.

Oh, I have a thing for mestizo guys especially those who are white, tall, and skinny. By the way, I think I'm gonna be an old maiden. I mean, I'm not the marrying type and all that. Well, I think it's a blessing to have a child and start a family. It's just that as the way things look right now I'm not ever gonna have my own child in my whole damn life. I mean, I don't want the whole universe to end. LOL. It seems like I'm not really that ready for such kind of responsibility and all that.

I'm happy being single and I love being single. Well, maybe 'coz at this point in my life I'm not ready to commit into anything. I mean, being in a relationship isn't just about love. It's also about trust, loyalty, faithfulness, commitment, and what not. Oh, look who's talking. LOL. Well, I just read or heard that somewhere and I'm thinking that does make some sense, right? Oh, not to mention that a deep kind of friendship is sure to be a firm foundation. Hmm, makes sense. LOL.

I'm sorry if here I go flipping the pages of the past for no damn reason all over again. It's just that there's really nothing new to talk about. I guess it's okay to have a crush on someone. I mean, it's just a crush anyway. LOL. I don't know what's going on in my crushes' lives these days. I mean, it's been ages since I last stalked them in any way possible. LOL. Yeah, it seems like these days are the dark ages of my stalking career, huh? LOL. Well, it's okay. I don't mind. LOL.

Well, my crush feeling for my crushes isn't that strong anymore. I don't know why. My latest crush is that Turkish guy I met on a social networking site back then and I never had a strong crush feeling on any other guy since then. I had my first crush when I was eight. Hmm, I don't think that's that early. I may have a crush on a few handsome men but I hate boys in general especially those jerks who never grew up. I don't wanna have anything to do with those jerks and they better go to hell. Hey, I'm not allowing those jerks to ruin this blog entry so why won't I go back talking about my crushes. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Hmm, I wonder what my crushes are up to these days. It's just that I don't feel like stalking them on social networking sites anymore. I don't know why. Well, maybe 'coz it's time for me to outgrow and put an end to my stalking career from now on or something. LOL.