It's Just a Little Crush

If I only know how to put my daydreams into writing I would have written a lot of novels by now. It's just that I don't know how so my dream to one day write a page-turner still remains a dream up until now. Sometimes I tell myself to just settle as a reader 'coz maybe being a writer isn't really meant for me 'coz I just don't have what it takes to be one. But there's a fire within me telling me not to give up and give it one more shot. Well, I'm not really a creative writer. I'm more on writing about my thoughts and my feelings. Yeah, right. As if someone out there cares about what I think and how I feel. LOL. Hmm, I'll keep on writing no matter what anyway. LOL.

I had thoughts of writing a love story 'coz I noticed that it sells more to the youth. It's just that it seems like I'm not the right person to write a love story 'coz I don't have the experience to back it up 'coz I never had any love life in my whole damn life in the first place. Well, I do have daydreams about my crushes and I but as I've said I don't know how to put my daydreams into writing so I better drop the idea of writing a novel about it. I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. LOL. Well, some of my daydreams are happy ending ones but I also have daydreams about my crushes and I with a tragic ending. Hmm, the side of me who is fool enough to be idealistic will go with the happy ending ones. LOL. Damn, can somebody wake me up?

Oh, speaking of crushes I like it better when a crush of mine doesn't give a damn about me or doesn't even know that I exist. I don't know why I like it better that way. Well, maybe 'coz I don't really want anything more than a crush feeling and maybe 'coz I'm not the type who enters into a boy-girl relationship anyway. I mean, I have been a loner since time in memorial and up until now that I'm already in my mid-twenties I still find it hard to adjust to people. I even have a funny feeling that it were the people around me who did whatever they can to adjust to me.

Oh, not to mention that I'm a harmless stalker. Yup, I stalk my crushes. My first crush that I stalked was my Australian schoolmate way back fifth grade. When high school came I stalked the lead vocal of my favorite American rock band online 'coz I have a huge crush on him. LOL. When college came I stalked a Chinito crush of mine who looks like a Japanese Animation Character on a social networking site and semi-stalked him inside the school campus. Also way back college I stalked a campus mate who looks like the boy who lived the book cover version that I had a crush on inside the school campus. LOL. Damn, look how freaky can I get. LOL.

I don't know why I just like looking at them even from afar and knowing some little trivia about them via stalking. When I went to graduate school I stalked a Turkish crush of mine on a social networking site. Well, I don't have a new crush as of the moment and it seems like it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Please don't get me wrong but it seems like stalking my crushes is a form of entertainment on my part. It's like I do get entertained when I stalk them. It's like my crushes are celebrities and I'm their number one fan. Hmm, something like that. LOL.

I guess it's safe to say that I never fell in love with a boy my whole damn life. I mean, if you ask me I think “love” is the most abused word of all time. Saying you love someone isn't like saying “Hello” and “Goodbye”. I like my crushes but I don't love them. Well, what I feel for my crushes is just some sort of severe infatuation that is most often mistaken as love. Hmm, why am I talking about my crushes? Well, maybe 'coz I find it an interesting topic to talk about. LOL. Hmm, now I'm having second thoughts if do I really find this topic interesting. Well, maybe my younger self will find this one interesting. It's just that I'm older now so this topic is just a so-and-so topic for me or something. I don't even know why I'm talking about this stuff when I'm supposed to talk about my dream to one day write a page-turner to begin with. I don't know with me. Well, I just hope my readers will find this topic interesting if I ever do have readers in the first place. LOL.

Oh, I have a thing for mestizo guys especially those who are white, tall, and skinny. By the way, I think I'm gonna be an old maiden. I mean, I'm not the marrying type and all that. Well, I think it's a blessing to have a child and start a family. It's just that as the way things look right now I'm not ever gonna have my own child in my whole damn life. I mean, I don't want the whole universe to end. LOL. It seems like I'm not really that ready for such kind of responsibility and all that.

I'm happy being single and I love being single. Well, maybe 'coz at this point in my life I'm not ready to commit into anything. I mean, being in a relationship isn't just about love. It's also about trust, loyalty, faithfulness, commitment, and what not. Oh, look who's talking. LOL. Well, I just read or heard that somewhere and I'm thinking that does make some sense, right? Oh, not to mention that a deep kind of friendship is sure to be a firm foundation. Hmm, makes sense. LOL.

I'm sorry if here I go flipping the pages of the past for no damn reason all over again. It's just that there's really nothing new to talk about. I guess it's okay to have a crush on someone. I mean, it's just a crush anyway. LOL. I don't know what's going on in my crushes' lives these days. I mean, it's been ages since I last stalked them in any way possible. LOL. Yeah, it seems like these days are the dark ages of my stalking career, huh? LOL. Well, it's okay. I don't mind. LOL.

Well, my crush feeling for my crushes isn't that strong anymore. I don't know why. My latest crush is that Turkish guy I met on a social networking site back then and I never had a strong crush feeling on any other guy since then. I had my first crush when I was eight. Hmm, I don't think that's that early. I may have a crush on a few handsome men but I hate boys in general especially those jerks who never grew up. I don't wanna have anything to do with those jerks and they better go to hell. Hey, I'm not allowing those jerks to ruin this blog entry so why won't I go back talking about my crushes. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Hmm, I wonder what my crushes are up to these days. It's just that I don't feel like stalking them on social networking sites anymore. I don't know why. Well, maybe 'coz it's time for me to outgrow and put an end to my stalking career from now on or something. LOL.