Excerpts from Behind the Mask

I created a lot of blogs before my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn. It's just that it's either I end up deleting the blog or abandoning it. I mean, back then my psychotic mind dropped by and spoiled everything. It's just that it seems like my psychotic mind already said goodbye for good and it ain't coming back until the end of time which I can consider as good news. LOL. Hmm, one day I found the file where I kept some of my blog posts on my previous blogs and I thought of sharing some of those here on my blog with a little bit of editing or something. LOL.

I chose to post my blog entries “Innocence or Ignorance” and “It's Just a Little Crush” from my old blog “Behind the Mask” carrying one of my old pen names. Well, maybe 'coz I consider these blog posts as one of my literary masterpieces or something. LOL. Hmm, I think I'm gonna go and do some editing to clear things out. I mean, you know how often I end up committing mistakes in my grammar, right? Oh, speaking of mistakes in grammar I spotted grammar mistakes in my blog post “Hush-Hush” but I decided not to change anything in that post and just leave things as that. LOL. I mean, nothing is perfect in this world anyway and we all have flaws. Hey, so much for the introductions. Hmm, so now I bring to you “Innocence or Ignorance” and “It's Just a Little Crush” that I once posted on my previous blog “Behind the Mask” carrying one of my old pen names. Oh, sorry for babbling too much in the introduction and for keeping you waiting. LOL.

Innocence or Ignorance

Myla Marga Eden was in her early grade school days when she spotted a comic book lying somewhere inside the house. Out of curiosity, she decided to read it. The comic was about this college girl who met a boy, as she continued reading, the next pages showed a drawing of the boy on top of the girl and both were naked. And she was like, “What the hell is this?’

A few years later, she discovered a comic section in a local newspaper. The female protagonist in the comic strip was wearing a lot of skimpy clothes and she can’t help but notice the girl’s boobs. Then here comes those Mexican Series. Most of the girls there were so hot and there were a lot of intimate scenes which she somehow liked to watch.

When she was in her late grade school days, she saw a CD lying near the CD player. She decided to play it only to discover that it was a sex tape. She stopped playing the CD for she was scared that someone older will see her watching it.

She began reading romance books when high school came. It were romance pocket books at first then romance novels were next. She really likes reading the intimate parts and if she can, she’ll read it over and over again. It gave her an idea what really goes on when making love with someone. And she was like, “Ah, Okay. So that’s what happens.”

College came and she was able to see a sex scandal saved in a mobile phone. Blame her college friend for it. Her friend made her watch it. She didn’t feel anything while watching the video. To her, it was just some naked bodies doing something.

When graduate school came she ended up being let's say an undercover agent to figure out if her crush is naughty or nice. She pretended to be a naughty girl behind an undercover identity and tried to talk naughty with her crush on an online messenger one time. It's just that what happened wasn't and cannot be counted as making love 'coz what happened between Myla Marga Eden and her crush that time was simply typing one's naughty messages down on an online messenger and nothing more. I mean, there was no physical contact or anything so it wasn't making love at all.

She really can’t help but wonder if her batchmates had already experienced making love. Then she later realized that there’s a possibility that she’s the only one who hasn’t done it.

Myla Marga Eden has an idea of what making love is like. But she hasn’t done it, not even half sex. She can imagine it but she doesn’t know what it really feels like. Thing is, she doesn’t wanna do it with the wrong guy. And she doesn’t wanna do it just because of lust. She wanna do it out of that thing called love.

It’s Just a Little Crush

Here in the country where I live and grew up in, I usually get attracted to the mestizo ones, especially those who are fair skinned, tall, and skinny. LOL. Then, I also have a crush on some Americans and Europeans. I don’t know why. Honestly, I don’t find natives in this country attractive. I’m sorry but I’m just being honest. I don’t wanna say those natives are good looking when the truth is I think otherwise. Maybe I like mestizos ‘coz my father looks Spanish. Yeah, he doesn’t look like a native in this country. Well, I’m just making a wild guess. And my brother looks mestizo too. LOL. I can’t say that I got influenced by T.V. ‘coz I don’t watch T.V. a lot during those times when I had my first crush who happens to be mestizo looking.

Okay, I had my first crush when I was eight. LOL. Well, I only told one person about it when I was nine. His name is a brand of a glue. So let’s call him Mister Glue. Hahah. That’s so stupid. I like him ‘coz he’s white, skinny, and he looks mestizo. Period. No, I didn’t daydream about it. I don’t know how to daydream about a boy and me those days. We were seatmates twice. One day, I heard he got a crush on one of the girls in class. No, not me. It’s another girl. Oh, first heartbreak that was. He moved to another school by fourth grade. And when college came, I just heard that my girl high school classmate and he are a couple. Yeah, that was a bit of a shock. It’s kinda weird ‘coz I watched the stars with that classmate on the night of our retreat. Whatever. Yeah, another example of how small the world is.

When I was in 5^th grade, I had a crush on an Australian. He was in sixth grade that time. Yeah, he’s my second crush. His initials spell PWAF so let’s just call him by that. I can’t remember if it were the Princess of Pop days back then. Thing is, my theme song for PWAF and I is the chorus of a song by Princess of Pop. Why? It’s because every time I can sense he’s near, I run and hide. Hahah. This is when I started daydreaming about my crushes. Well, it was still wholesome daydreams. You know, only up to holding hands and smack on the lips. That’s it. I remember he had a rabbit. I heard he got a crush on one of his girl classmates. How I wished I was in her place.

Well, high school came and I was only gaga about one guy. Yeah, you got it right. It’s no other than the lead vocal of my favorite American rock band. I like him since the first time I saw the music video of their debut single. I love him even more when I saw the music video of their second single. Hahah. Well, my daydreams with this guy weren’t wholesome anymore. Hahah. We even have a baby. I named him Neon. LOL. I can only imagine Neon as a baby maybe until 2 years old. Neon hasn’t grown. Hahah. I don’t know why I like my crush so much. I mean, I hate guys with tattoos. And it’s obvious that he got a lot of it. But it’s okay with me. He’s more or less 12 years older than me which is way pass the 10-year-older-maximum-limit. But it’s okay with me. He’s such a turn off every time I watch the band's behind the scenes videos. But I still like him. I read his tweets and I don’t like his language. But I still like him. Oh, this is what you call unconditional crush. Hahah. I still got a crush on him. But I’m over the daydreaming days about him and I. The same thing happens in my daydreams anyway. Maybe my brain grew tired of it.

College came and I was a bit disappointed. I thought boys in college are mature or something. But as I sensed it, they were still like grade school boys. It was such a turn off. I got a crush on a Chinese mestizo guy when 2^nd year came. We call him Animé. He’s tall, skinny, white, chinky eyes. He looks like that antagonist with cards in a Japanese Animation. You know, that guy who wears his hair in semi-spikes. I forgot the name of that character. There are times that I can spot him in school. But there are also times that I can’t see him. We took different courses. He belongs in a different department. I wonder if he’s one of those clanmates I sent quotes to. LOL. Yeah, it’s like in my wildest dreams. I also stalked this guy on a social networking site back then.

Oh, 3^rd year! Yeah, that damned 3^rd year. Hmm, what are we gonna call him? He’s not handsome. Well, he’s skinny and pale! Hahah. He’s nerdy looking. He’s a bit feminine. He looks like the boy who lived the book cover version. Why don’t we call him Mister Nerdy? I don’t wanna talk about him really. Let’s just say those were the golden days of me as a stalker. Hahah. But I never approached him! I kept my distance. I was just satisfied with looking at him walking around the campus from afar. I don’t even eat at a fast-food chain near the school campus every lunch ‘coz I heard he eats there. You know what? It was easy to type about the previous crushes I had but it’s so hard to write about this Mister Nerdy. I don’t hate him. I don’t like him anymore. Sometimes, I just laugh at what happened. Maybe I was so bored with that course I took way back college and this feeling about him was the only thing that spiced things up. He’s an inspiration turned into destruction. I wanna forget about him. I think he’s a nice person though. Oh, don’t ask about my daydreams. I can’t even remember what were my daydreams about him and I anymore. I don’t know what really happened. Nobody ever told me about it. I’m sick and tired of coming up with what-ifs. I’ll never see him again anyway.

And of course, 2010 came. Yeah, it’s Sam Keanu Neuryc. We met on a social networking site. We talked via webcam for some time. I never thought I’ll find a handsome guy on cyberspace. He lives in Europe. Well, we don’t talk anymore. We got two Cyber Babies, a girl and a boy. He doesn’t know about it. Oh, those Cyber Babies? I just wanna know what my babies with Sam Keanu Neuryc will look like if ever a miracle happens and we will have one. I mean, this is not the right time to make a real one for me 'coz I don't want the whole universe to end. LOL. What I mean is I was only after the photos of my Cyber Babies with Sam Keanu Neuryc. And I was able to imagine those babies grow up into a lady and a gentleman. My baby girl even got married and now has her own baby girl. I’m a grandmom and Sam Keanu Neuryc and I are still together. That’s the first time my daydreams went that far. I like him but he doesn’t like me. I can’t wish it’s him ‘coz I don’t know a thing about him. I wouldn’t know what I’m wishing for. I don’t need a boyfriend anyway. I just want someone to daydream about. LOL.

You know what? I like the feeling of having crushes. But for now, I guess I’m just up to having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I. I don’t know. I’ve been a loner since time in memorial. Maybe God designed me to be in isolation for the rest of my life. Or on a micro-blogging website, it’s called Forever Alone. In real life, I never had a boyfriend. I don’t know what it’s like to be with a boy and be in a boy-girl relationship. So I’m not in the right position to give any relationship advice ‘coz I’ve never been in one. To add to that, I’m still a virgin and I’m proud to be. So to those who noticed my bulging tummy and thought I’m preggy, the whole world is too modern for another Virgin Mary. LOL. I don’t know how the second coming of Christ will be like. But if He’ll come into this Earth the same way He did back then, I’m definitely not gonna be his mom! Hahah. I’m just kidding. I know. It’s not funny. Hahah.