Second Language

I'm thinking of going back job hunting and apply as an ESL Teacher. Well, I know how to speak the English Language but problem is I'm so sure if I know how to explain the complexities of the English grammar to ESL Students. I'm willing to be trained though. I mean, I guess it's time for me to wake up from my dreamland make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and start earning my own dough in the real world everybody knows. Hmm, now I'm thinking twice if am I gonna push through with job hunting or not. Damn, I don't know with me.

I mean, it's been years since college graduation and since I withdrew out of graduate school and I'm still part of the unemployed group. Damn, if I only have what it takes to make my unreachable and impossible dreams come true. Okay, so I'm gonna go online and go job hunting for nearby ESL Schools looking for ESL Teachers. Well, I guess the problem is I just don't believe in my potentials or something. Oh, not to mention that I'm such a pessimist. You know what? If I can only spend the rest of my life earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Damn, can somebody wake me up?

You know what? I heard someone once said that if one thinks that a task is easy then it will be easy but if one thinks that a task is difficult then it will surely be difficult. Hmm, I'm thinking that does make some sense. So why won't I think that being an ESL Teacher is just as easy as one-two-three? I guess that will somehow boost my self-confidence a little. LOL. Oh, not to mention when I went job hunting a few years ago I usually end up spoiling everything during the job interview. Well, the difference now is I'm not that depressed girl anymore or shall I say I'm not that disturbed girl with a psychotic mind anymore so I guess I'll most probably do good in the job interviews that I'm gonna go through whenever I'll go and push though with my job hunting.

Oh, is my grammar too confusing? Well, I don't really know. I mean, this is just that way that I write and in my case as long as it sounds good then it's fine. But in fairness to our English Teachers back in school they never failed to remind us that it doesn't mean that it sounds good then the grammar is correct. Hmm, yes I know how to speak and write in English. It's just that I'm thinking there's still a whole lot more that I don't know about the English Language. Damn, now I'm really thinking twice if am I gonna push through with job hunting as an ESL Teacher or what.

Oh, why am I writing in English? Well, it's because I consider English as a Universal Language in a sense that a lot of people around the world know how to speak it or are learning how to speak it so it's like if someone who knows how to speak in English from the other side of the globe finds my blog and reads my posts then it will be easy for that person to understand what I wrote. Hmm, I guess that's as simple as that. I guess it's not about in what language one expresses one's self 'coz it's all about expressing one's self in a language one feels most comfortable. I guess so.

Oh, here comes the side of me thinking that I'm unemployable. It's just that it really sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Hey, why won't I just do some artworks here at home and sell them online instead? Hmm, I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. I mean, it suits my personality very well and making artworks is what I'm good at anyway not to mention that it's the only clear talent that God gave me. It's just that it's been ages since I did some artworks 'coz I was so focused with living my dreams as a frustrated singer songwriter and frustrated writer for the past three years. Well, I guess it's never too late to polish my talent in making artworks all over again, right? Hey, I wanna be forever fourteen and funny thing is a decade after which makes me twenty-four I was able to live my unreachable and impossible dreams even just inside the four walls of my room. LOL. I guess there's really a time for everything, huh? I guess it's more than enough that I could ask for.

Hmm, so I guess there's a change of plan. I'm gonna go and get myself a sketchpad, some pencils, and some coloring materials then I'm gonna go and come up with artworks here at home. I mean, I'm really a home buddy and I really have this strong feeling that I'm unemployable. Hey, why won't I ask for a sign from God? Okay, so if I go job hunting online and there's a nearby ESL School looking for ESL Teachers then I'm gonna give it a shot but if there's none then I'm gonna push through with making artworks. Hmm, I hope I'll get an answer soon and that's an amen.