Hold Back the Gossip Girl in Me

I browsed through my grade school and high school yearbooks then made a list of those that I'm thinking of sending friend requests to on a social networking site. Hmm, it's just that I'm thinking it's not a good idea to send more friend requests to people on a social networking site for now. Well, I don't really know. I mean, I'm thinking of sending a message to those who left my friend requests pending telling them that my account carrying the name “Adeline Chrystyn” is the official one or something hoping for them to accept my friend requests 'coz I really want to be updated with what's going on in their lives these days. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, it seems like I can't hold back the gossip girl in me or something. LOL. Well, actually I initially listed down only fifteen people to whom I will send a friend request to on a social networking site. Hmm, that includes two cousins then two friends I met way back grade school then eight friends I met way back high school then three friends I met way back college. Well, I'd like to stress out that I'm not really that close to any one of them. Hmm, I guess I just want to have a glimpse and be updated with what's going on in their lives these days or something. Well, I want to add my sister too. Hmm, it's just that I know she'll never accept any friend request coming from me so I decided to just drop the idea. LOL. Well, we see each other everyday anyway. LOL.

Hmm, so it seems like I just wasted my time browsing through my yearbooks and listing down to whom I'm thinking of sending friend requests to. Well, maybe in the coming days I'm gonna go and add them or maybe I won't. Well, I don't really know. I mean, I'm just thinking what if they don't wanna be friends with me anymore even on a social networking site. Well, how will I find out if I won't send a friend request, right? I mean, it's like waiting for somebody to talk to you again when that said somebody is also waiting for you to start a conversation. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, I wonder what happened to the poem and book proposal I sent via e-mail or something. Well, I guess it's much better for me not to think too much about it. I mean, it's only stressing me out or something. You know what? It's really sad that I won't be able to keep on promoting my lyric video for “A Broken Record” on a social networking site 'coz I deactivated that account in which I kept on promoting it. I mean, it only means I won't be able to make my Christmas wish come true or something. Well, I guess that's life and I better live with it. Damn it.

You know what? I'm still starting off a career as a writer these days but why is it that I feel like I'm in this journey my whole damn life. Well, maybe because this dream started when I was eight and I have been trying to write a book since then. Damn, I don't really know where this path I'm choosing is going. Oh, not to mention that it's not that easy make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. Well, as they say that there's no such thing as an overnight success. I mean, if I'm climbing a mountain then it seems like I'm still at the bottom of it. I mean, it's like I haven't even started climbing yet. Damn, how can I say that when I have been trying to write a book since I was eight? Well, I don't really know with me. Damn, forget about it. Sigh.

Well, maybe I'm talking about being a writer in the real world. I mean, I'm still living my dream of being a writer even just inside the four walls of my room. Well, I sent a poem and a book proposal which seems like a step towards making it in the real world or something. Hmm, it's just that it seems like my poem and book proposal don't stand a chance in making it in the publishing industry. I mean, who the hell will put one's confidence on an amateur and take the risk? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I feel like I made a fool out of myself for sending that poem and that book proposal. Well, it's a step towards making my dreams come true so I just thought of giving it a shot. Oh, not to mention that this is just the starting point. I mean, I'm thinking there will be more making-a-fool-out-of-myself feelings in the days to come. Well, I guess this is part of my dream and it seems like the best thing for me to do is just to live with it making it an amen.