I'm Thinking It's Totally Pointless

I'm thinking it's somewhat pointless to keep on promoting my lyric video for “A Broken Record” considering that I have given up on my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist someday. Well, maybe the reason why I keep on promoting it on social networking sites every time I get the chance to drop by online is because the views for my lyric video are still far from what I'm wishing for. I mean, I'm wishing for a thousand views for Christmas, right? Or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, I'm also thinking that it's somewhat stupid of me to think of self-publishing my blog book online without spending a single centavo not to mention selling my blog book on e-bookstores when here I am keeping on updating my blog as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn and my blog book that I will hopefully self-publish with the same title contains the same thing so why would readers bother to buy a copy of my e-book when they can just drop by my blog and read whatever nonsense I wrote on it for free. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, never mind.

Well, on second thought not everyone can stay connected to the internet twenty-four hours a day so might as well download my e-book instead and readers can read my e-book at any time of the day even without internet connection. Or if I'll publish my blog book the old-fashioned way readers may think of buying a tangible copy of my blog book as a souvenir or something. LOL. Well, I'm still gonna keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur online though and keep my blog updated from time to time. Oh, not to mention keep on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record”. LOL. You know what? There are times when I feel like starting a new book which has a theme way too different from my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn. Well, I'm just thinking what if I'll try to be a creative writer this time around and start a story or something. It's just that I'm not really a creative writer and if I ever do have daydreams I'm not that talented to put my daydreams into writing so it's much better for me to just drop the idea. Damn, I'm writing too much these days. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, never mind.

Damn, I can't help wonder if am I such a terrible writer. Oh, I wrote a lot when my Bipolar Disorder was at its worst and then I went posting my thoughts on a blog which is so stupid of me and I totally regret doing such. It's just that the thought that somebody was able to read my blog posts and found it entertaining somehow sucks. I mean, I was mentally ill back then and then there go a bunch of whoever they are making a laughing stock out of me. Well, what I'm trying to say is it's not a joke to be depressed and end up being mentally ill, mind you. Damn, I just don't wanna go through some mental and emotional torture anymore or shall I say I don't want my psychotic mind to drop by ever again. Hmm, I wonder if there will come a time when I can do away with the medicines. Well, I don't really know. I mean, it's been ages since the last time I went to my psychiatrist. Well, I'm thinking it's time for me to learn how to help myself get better.

You know what? The best thing about writing is it helps me understand myself better. Damn, what am I gonna do without writing? It's just that I prefer to type my thoughts down than have it handwritten. Well, maybe it's because I don't like my handwriting. I mean, I usually don't feel like reading what I have written with my own penmanship over and over again. Hmm, I don't know with me. I mean, I like to read over and over again my literary masterpieces if it's typewritten or something. Oh, I'm really sorry for my subject-verb agreement not to mention my tenses. I mean, as long as it sounds good then it's okay even if there are a lot of wrong grammars along the way. LOL. Damn, my blog is really getting more and more boring by the minute not to mention that I'm saying the same damn thing over and over again. Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it and that's an amen. Well, never mind. Damn it. LOL.