Giving Up On Something

Hey, it doesn't mean that I'm giving up my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist someday I'm not gonna sing anymore. LOL. I mean, I guess I have every right to sing my lungs out whenever I feel like singing, right? Oh, not to mention that I'm not that fond of singing with a microphone so most likely my voice won't boom out of the house. Hmm, can you catch my drift or am I writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand what the heck I am talking about? LOL. Oh, my dream to be a writer still lives on and it seems like it will never fade away. By the way, I'm thinking of dropping the idea of turning my blog into a professional looking book so it seems like signing up on a website and downloading the software that can help me turn my blog into a blog book from the said website will go into waste. Well, never mind.

I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my life from now on. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? Oh, did I say “life”? Damn, how can I say that when if I think it over I don't have a “life”? LOL. Hmm, so why won't I rephrase it? Okay, I think I should have said I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between from now on. Hmm, I guess that's much better. LOL. So I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days and I guess I need to remind myself over and over again that it's supposed to entertain me and not pressure the hell out of me. Well, I guess high school was not the right time to read the Fantasy book series I'm reading these days due to my bad reading comprehension. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

Oh, not to mention college 'coz up until college my reading comprehension was still as bad as ever. You know what? If I think it over I slowly learned how to read with comprehension since I had Bipolar Disorder. Well, it didn't happen overnight to learn how to understand what the heck I am reading. It took years and my reading comprehension is slowly getting better and better as the years pass by. Well, my Bipolar Disorder may be one of the worst if not the worst that happened in my whole damn life but I'm kind of considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder can somehow be a blessing in disguise. Oh, I realized and learned a lot since I had my Bipolar Disorder not to mention that it also gave me so much to write about. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I would not have the courage to keep a blog like what I'm doing now.

Damn, so I'm an unemployed not to mention unemployable make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't have a single penny in my pocket not to mention that I'm still dependent on my parents. It's just that I have a strong feeling that being a writer is really the right path for me and I'm praying that God is working on it to make my dream to be a writer come true someday. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL. But what if God is really working on making my dream come true?

Well, if being a writer is really what I'm meant to be then I'm not done with step one yet which is to write a book and I'm supposed to worry about the next step after I have written my book that I can consider as publishing worthy. By the way, I'm still undecided if I'll post the implicit version of “Behind the Mask” here on my blog or not. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm gonna read it again or something. I mean, you know how I usually end up forgetting what I have written in the past. LOL. You know what? I wonder what it will be like to read what I have written these days a decade from now or something. Hmm, I'm thinking that will be quite interesting. LOL. I'm living my life the best way I can the way I know how. Well, I don't know where my life is going and I guess the best thing for me to do is to put it in God's hands. Hmm, for the mean time I have my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between to document for now and amen.