Unknowing Voice of a Teenager

Hmm, I wonder what am I gonna say to my teenage self. Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I don't regret being a loner since time in memorial. I mean, I somehow get disorders when I'm with people. LOL. Well, the downside of being a loner since time in memorial is that I wasn't able to build a strong kind of friendship with anyone I met in school which means no one really knows me like a book. Hmm, I'm thinking my friends back in school are better off without me anyway. I mean, I may not have built a strong kind of friendship with anyone but I have to say that in fairness I was able to have some friends back in school. Well, we went our separate ways after each and every graduation and my only way of knowing what's going on in their lives at present is by checking out my news feed on a social networking site which is fair enough.

Hmm, I guess in the real world everybody knows the friends I met in school only came into my life for a reason and a season. Well, it's okay. I mean, as I've said I think my friends back in school are better off without me. Oh, not to mention that somebody told me that there are different dynamics in friendship. I mean, I may consider this certain friend as a best friend and then consider another friend as an ordinary friend or something. Well, that's how I understand it. You know what? It's sad to realize that none of my friends back in school can live up to my definition of a best friend. Oh, not to mention that my sister and I are not even friends. I mean, my sister and I used to be playmates when we were kids. It's just that while growing up as a tween and teenager I became such an insecure bitch and my relationship with my sister ended up in ruins. Well, the thing is thanks to my Bipolar Disorder I somehow got over my personal issues which made my sister and I civil to each other though we can't bring back how we were back when we were kids. Hmm, sometimes I can't help wonder if this Bipolar Disorder I have is a blessing in disguise. LOL. Well, maybe it's really in the book of life God wrote for me or what.

It's just that on second thought this Bipolar Disorder I have made me lose all the self-confidence I had. I mean, if I'm not mistaken when I was a tween and a teenager I had a fair enough amount of self-confidence in me though there were times when I get too insecure about a bunch of personal issues or something. Damn, I wonder what it will be like to read my literary masterpieces a decade from now. Well, I don't really know. I mean, a few hours before writing this blog draft I went reading some of my diary entries during the last months of high school and I ended up realizing how stupid my thoughts were and not to mention spotting tons of wrong grammar. Hmm, if you ask me while reading some of my old diary entries I see my teenage self as a girl trying to sound funny when there's not a single bit of sense of humor in her. Oh, not to mention an ambitious dreamer too who doesn't have the courage to take a step towards her dreams. LOL.

You know what? I'm not really an inspirational writer. LOL. I guess inspiring other people through my literary masterpieces in not just my thing. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really that conservative but I'm not that liberated either. I mean, I think I'm just right in the middle or something. By the way, the latest batch of blog posts that I posted a few hours before writing this blog draft is a batch of blog posts that I can consider as one of the best if not the best so far. Hmm, it's just that question is for how long will I be able to keep the good vibes going. Well, I pray and hope that I'll be able to keep my blog updated until the day I take my last breath in this world of the living. LOL. By the way, I finalized a poem a few hours before writing this blog draft. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending this poem to a local newspaper the next time I drop by online. Well, when I dropped by online a few hours ago I went researching about “Personality” on a search engine and it led me to an article in an online encyclopedia. Hmm, it's just that I'm a bit lazy to read whatever that is that came out of my research so I guess I won't be able to share any knowledge about “Personality” or something. Damn, I'm not really an article writer. You know what? I may not have the gift of mind reading but I know how an imaginative mind works so I hope it won't be such a surprise if I ended up right in guessing other people's wild imagination or something. LOL. Damn, what am I saying? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.