Changing My Thought Patterns

You know what? I'm thinking this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have is stressing me out so I need to do some research on how am I gonna change this kind of unwanted thought patterns. Hmm, it's just that I'm kind of wondering if is it possible to change this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have or not. I mean, the way I understand it thought patterns are the way the head interprets things or something. Hmm, I don't know how my head ended up interpreting things the way it does not to mention that it's making me be in a bad mood sometimes. You know what? I don't interpret things in my head this way before I had Bipolar Disorder. Damn, I don't really know what happened. By the way, I'm reading all over again a guide book about good mental health that someone gave me and don't mind asking who that someone is 'coz it's top secret. LOL. Well, I read the chapter about depression and it caught my attention that a person can end up being depressed for no reason at all plus possibly when everything seems to be fine. Hmm, that's how I understand what I read or maybe it's my bad reading comprehension resurfacing all over again. LOL. You know what? Why won't I focus on changing my thought patterns or what? LOL.

You know what? While growing up I was able to notice a normal pattern in life for normal people. I mean, the pattern goes like this. Well, a person is born then that person goes through childhood then that person starts to go to school and graduate college then that person goes job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company to provide for one's self then it's optional if that person decides to settle down and start a family plus raise one's kids or that person decides to be single for life with no kids then that person retires from work and then try to make the most out of one's remaining time here on Earth then a person leaves this world of the living. Hmm, in fairness my life is something to be considered as normal so far. I mean, I was born then I had a sickly childhood then I went to school and was able to finish college. It's just that it stops there for now 'coz I'm unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult but I already made up my mind and that I'm choosing to be single for the rest of my life with no child. Hmm, I'm thinking for now all I can do is do the best that I can to pursue my dream to be a writer in the real world everybody knows someday and I don't know if God is also working on it or not.

Okay, I know this isn't the normal path in life not to mention that it's not in the pattern I noticed while growing up. Well, it's just that I'm thinking maybe being employed as an office staff in a company is not written in the book of life God wrote for me before I was ever born into this world so much more settling down and starting a family. I mean, I always wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and here I am given the chance to make that dream come true. Damn, why is it so hard for some creatures to understand that all I want is to write a book and make a living out of writing that's why I'm being a blogger keeping this blog as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday? You know what? My blog is really doing good so far.

Well, I know some people just don't understand especially those who are accustomed to the normal pattern in life for normal people that I noticed while growing up. It's just that I don't see anything wrong with being abnormal sometimes or most of the time. LOL. Well, it sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. It's just that I don't really belong in the corporate world. You know what? I'm thinking of giving job hunting another try. I mean, I read in a newspaper article one time that making a living out of writing is not enough to sustain life. Oh, not to mention that my high school friend gave an advice saying that it's much better for me to go job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company and just write as a sideline or something. I mean, I may be mentally ill but it doesn't mean that I cannot function like a normal human being. Okay, so I'll go and think about it. Damn it. LOL.