Nothing Much in My Playlist

You know what? I don't like listening to most of the songs in my mobile phone's playlist anymore. Well, don't bother asking why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. I mean, let's just say it has something to do with my head associating stuffs in an unlikeable way since I had Bipolar Disorder. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Oh, I think I have mentioned that I like the music best back when I was still in high school. Hmm, I'm more into listening to pop, alternative, punk, and rock though at times there are songs which are a hybrid of any two genres I mentioned. You know what? I'm thinking maybe that's why God didn't allow me to discover that there's such thing as a blog way back high school and posted my thoughts in a blog back then is because God doesn't want me to make a fool out of myself by means of the world wide web. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL.

I mean, it's just that when I read my diary entries way back the last months of high school I felt like reading a diary of a stupid girl or something not to mention the many times she murdered the English language. LOL. Well, I don't know if I have grown as a writer or what. Oh, not to mention that I'm also wondering if my readers out there if I ever do have some find themselves having a trip inside a stupid girl's thoughts every time they read my blog posts. Well, I'm just wondering what if I'm making a fool out of myself by means of the world wide web by make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, and if I am making a fool out of myself I wonder why God is allowing such thing to happen at this stage of my life. Hmm, or maybe I'm thinking about stuffs like these is because I'm still wondering if am I writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand or what. Well, I don't really know.

Well, on second thought maybe I am given the chance by God to be a blogger here online is because it seems like I have grown as a writer as the years passed by and I'm not that stupid girl with stupid thoughts anymore though a lot of times these days I still don't make any sense at all. LOL. Oh, and I came to think maybe in my diary I sound stupid it's just that if my memory serves me right I did try to sound a bit mature in writing school essays back then or something. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking I'm not really born to be an intellectual 'coz I really don't have that much intellect to begin with. Hmm, that if I understand the terms “intellectual” and “intellect” correctly or am I giving a whole new meaning to the said terms. LOL. Well, if you ask me I can't really say that I'm born to be an artist as much as I want to be an artist. I mean, it seems like the artist in me is in a deep sleep these days and that it needs to be awaken plus polished in the coming days. Well, there will come a time for that 'coz as the Bible says there's always a time for everything. Hmm, why won't I focus more in being a blogger online for the mean time or what?

Damn, I wonder what will it be like to read my blog posts these days a decade from now. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, maybe that's why I don't have what it takes to be a teacher 'coz I'm not born to be an intellectual not to mention that I don't really have that much stock knowledge. LOL. Well, maybe the reason why I wanna be a teacher is because one of the few things that I learned my whole damn life is to go to school and being a teacher is not that far from being a student. Hmm, maybe at the back of my head I'm thinking being a teacher is just like being a student who is supposed to report a topic every school day or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so so much about that topic. LOL. I mean, I guess the best thing for me to do these days is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, I'm praying and hoping to be able to keep my blog going until the end of my time here in this world of the living. Damn, is it too much to ask? Hey, I'm not done with step one yet. I mean, I'm supposed to write 97,500 words of nonsense to begin with then send it to literary agents. LOL.