I'm Not a Fan of Mushy Songs

You know what? I have grown to dislike listening to mushy songs since I had Bipolar Disorder. Well, I'm thinking it has something to do with my head associating things in an unlikeable way which is honestly pretty damn annoying not to mention that it's really pissing me off. Damn it. I mean, my head doesn't associate things this way before I had Bipolar Disorder. Damn, I don't know what happened to my damn head why associating things went to worse from bad to worst from worse. Well, I guess this is the curse that comes along with having this kind of head I have or maybe the curse that comes along with having this Bipolar Disorder I have. You know what? It's like unwanted thoughts are trying to trespass inside my head and I just don't have a single clue how am I gonna stop those unwanted thoughts from trespassing 'coz it's really ruining my mood. Well, it's like the same thing is happening all over again. I mean, something like this happened around the second quarter of last year which somehow triggered my psychotic mind to drop by.

You know what? It seems like everything's been a cycle since I had this Bipolar Disorder. Well, I don't know why. I mean, all I know is if ever a cycle is really going on then I wanna put a stop to it and it better be now 'coz I don't wanna be a pain in the ass to those who put up with me all through these years that I'm suffering Bipolar Disorder. Hey, I'm trying to move on here. It's just that I don't know why I have a funny feeling that every time I try to make a step forward some creatures are doing everything in their power just to pull me backwards. Oh, here I go with my funny feelings without any basis at all. I mean, I think I better remind myself that when I don't really know the whole story then it's much better for me to keep my damn mouth shut. Well, for the mean time I guess it's much better for me to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. Damn it.

By the way, I'm an imaginative mind so I hope it won't come as a surprise if I'll end up being right in trying to read other creatures' wild imagination. Well, I guess I'll just go and let those other creatures think what they want. Hmm, let's just say it's like dreamers being told by skeptics to dream all they want 'coz it's free to dream anyway. LOL. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to simply end it as that. Well, it's just that there are times when trying to think like other creatures think makes me be in a bad mood and when I react while being in a bad mood I may end up saying things that are cold and I don't wanna end up hurting other creatures. Oh, it's just that in the previous cycles of my psychotic mind's visits I wasn't able to calm myself anymore. I was such in a bad mood that I wasn't able to hold all the negativity and cold words in and just let it all out by nagging or shall I say screaming. Oh, and to make things worst I ended up releasing all the negativity and cold words to the wrong people which happens to be my immediate family.

Well, I guess this is what I got for being such a silent type kind of person. Hmm, maybe in my blog I'm noisy. LOL. Well, a silent kind of noise that is. Hmm, it's just that me talking to somebody verbally about what I think is close to never. I mean, who would bother to listen to all my nonsense to begin with? Hmm, so I guess it's much better for me to type my thoughts down instead. You know what? I guess I'm just not over the mind reading without a gadget issue or something. You know what? I feel like I'm born in the wrong generation. LOL. Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to learn how to Master the Art of Deadma whenever those unwanted thoughts try to trespass inside my head or whenever my head ends up associating things in an unlikeable way. Hmm, I'm thinking this issue has something to do why I wanna study Psychology or something. It's just that I don't think I'll be able to study Psychology in a formal school. I mean, it seems like I'm not ever going back to school anytime soon or maybe in my whole damn life.