I'm Unique in My Own Way

You know what? I haven't met somebody who has the same wavelength as I do. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering what will those people I met in person think if ever they get the chance to read my literary masterpieces since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Well, I'm thinking maybe some of them will think that I have changed or that they hardly knew me at all. You know what? If you ask me I still feel like the same person. Well, I guess the only difference is I'm learning how to deal with my insecurities not to mention my personal issues and I'm learning how to express myself fearlessly by means of blogging not to mention conquering my fears in order to reach for my dream to be a writer someday. Oh, and I almost forgot that one of the major changes is that I have to deal with my Bipolar Disorder for the rest of my life. However, I'm still this daydreamer who lives in her own world most of her life.

You know what? It was so easy for me to master the art of deadma before I had Bipolar Disorder. It's just that problem is since I had Bipolar Disorder mastering the art of deadma became quite a challenge on my part. Hmm, I have a theory in my mind. It's just that don't bother asking what that theory is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Well, good news is I'm learning how to master the art of deadma these days and I'm doing good so far so I'm praying and hoping that my psychotic mind won't drop by and ruin everything. Oh, I'm still considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder is a blessing in disguise. You know what? I'm kind of thinking what happened when I was nineteen years old is that all my repressed thoughts and feelings since I learned how to think emerged in my consciousness and then I had some sort of personal crisis or something. Well, I'm thinking of looking at the bright side of things. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday not to mention the good changes that I mentioned earlier that came along with it.

By the way, I decided to continue reading this book about dreams and what dreamers end up doing just to make their dreams come true. I mean, I don't feel like reading the rest of my sister's latest batch of secondhand books and it seems like I can't drop by a bookstore to buy a new book any time soon not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, so I'm thinking of reading all over again all the books in my mini-library to make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Damn, I don't know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? I can honestly just spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, the downside is I won't be able to know what it's like to start earning my own dough or something. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Hmm, what am I saying? Damn it.

Well, the problem is even if I'll learn how to master the art of deadma everything will never be the same again. Oh, on second thought if other creatures will learn how to just leave me alone to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and mind their own beeswax then I think mastering the art of deadma won't be that much of a challenge anymore. Hmm, it's just that even if such thing happens things will still never be the same again. I mean, it's like a wound leaving a scar or something. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL. You know what? I have my own life here to live though there are times when I wish I was never born in this world or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still clueless why was I ever born in this world to begin with. Hmm, so for now all I can be is an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and that's an amen. Damn it.