Fashion is Simply Not My Element

You know what? When I was younger I wanted to be tall and skinny 'coz I wanted to be a supermodel. Hmm, it's just that my bones stopped growing way back high school if I'm not mistaken and I gained a lot of weight a few months after I turned twenty-two years old if my memory serves me right. Well, I guess I better just be happy with what God gave me though products advertised on television that are promising to increase a person's height and promising to help lose a lot of a person's extra weight tend to lift my hopes high that I can still grow taller and be slimmer or something. Hmm, the problem is I just don't feel like taking the risk not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy those products to begin with. Oh, when it comes to my childhood dream of being a supermodel someday I have watched reality shows on modeling and it somehow broaden my mind making me realize that I didn't know what I was wanting to get myself into back then. I mean, it's not that easy to be a model not to mention that I don't have what it takes to be one to begin with. Oh, not to mention my physical features. LOL.

You know what? While growing up I'm not really that fond of clothes. I mean, a shirt and pants will do and I'm good to go. Well, I guess fashion is simply not my element or something. LOL. Hmm, it's just that it seems like the frustrated supermodel in me is resurfacing from time to time these days or something. I mean, at some point there are times when I feel like mixing and matching the clothes I have, take photos of myself wearing those clothes I mixed and matched, and create a “LookBook” online or something. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, actually that's what I have been trying to do lately. LOL. It's just that it seems like the insecure bitch in me is somewhat resurfacing or something. I mean, I tried to mix and match some of my clothes and when I look at the mirror I think I look okay. It's just that when I look at myself with my laptop's webcam I look short and plump or something and it's somehow making my spirit low or what.

Well, a few minutes before writing this blog draft I decided to wear this dress and take photos of myself wearing this dress with my laptop's webcam. Well, actually those weren't really photos to begin with since my laptop's webcam doesn't have a continuous shot feature or something. Hmm, so what I did is I set my laptop's webcam to video mode and took a video of myself wearing that dress I was wearing a while ago. Well, I did an experiment on different postures until I was satisfied with those postures or something. Hmm, then I played back the video hoping to find a shot of myself that looks pleasant and when I found a shot of myself which I look pleasant I paused the video and did some print screen then I did some paste on the Paint application then cropped the shot of my own figure and then saved it. Hmm, can you picture out what I'm trying to say or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? Well, so I guess that's much it. LOL.

Hmm, I'm thinking of posting that photo of myself wearing that dress on social networking sites. Well, I don't know with me. I mean, not to mention that it's been a while since I posted something on my social networking accounts. I mean, I was thinking of dropping by a professional photo studio to have a photo of myself by a professional photographer as a remembrance of what I look like at this stage of my life. Well, it's just that it seems like I can't do that for now not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do such so maybe that's why I made the most out of the resources I have which is my laptop's webcam or something. Hmm, let's just say it's the artist wanna-be in me resurfacing all over again and this photo of myself wearing this dress is a way of expressing myself or something. Oh, not to mention that I did some editing on the photo. LOL. Well, if I'll ever post this photo of myself wearing this dress on social networking sites at least I am able to live my dream as a frustrated supermodel even just inside the four walls of my room, right? Oh, not to mention that fashion is also a means of self-expression. Hmm, I think so.

I'm Imperfect in My Own Way

As they say nobody is perfect and I guess the best thing for me to do is just to live with that reality. Well, I know I'm not perfect. I mean, I'm thinking it will take me forever if I try to enumerate my imperfections. Hmm, it's just that as they say what makes an artwork more beautiful are its imperfections and I am one of God's work of art not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed. Damn, I'm just trying to make some sense here. Well, it's just that it doesn't really feel like me. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? You know what? I dropped by a blog of a female celebrity the last time I dropped by online and read some of her blog entries not to mention checking out the photos she posted. Well, when I read her blog entries I was thinking like the way she writes is what somebody can call as English. Hmm, on second thought she's a hybrid and grew up in an English speaking country or something. Well, what I'm trying to say is reading that female celebrity's blog entries made me wonder all over again if am I writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, so what is this blog draft supposed to be about? Well, if I'm not mistaken it's supposed to be about me being imperfect in my own way. Hmm, I guess so. Well, I guess this is just the way that I write and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. I mean, I guess writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand is what sets me apart from everyone else or something. Well, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Oh, I'm thinking here comes the feeling of insecurity when it comes to my ability to write. I mean, it's like some inferiority complex 'coz I feel like I bumped into a female celebrity blogger who writes like Shakespeare or something. Damn, I don't really know if have I grown as a writer or what. LOL.

Well, I read the online articles about how to make a living out of writing that came out of my online research the last time I dropped by online. Hmm, it's just that it seems like those online articles aren't helping at all. You know what? I really wasn't able to receive any critique when it comes to my writing style. Hmm, I'm thinking I write running sentences or something. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Well, English isn't really my mother tongue. I mean, I began learning English in school, by reading pocket books and novels in English, by watching television shows and movies in English. Well, I have to say that there are times when I read pocket books and novels in English I find it quite a challenge to picture out what I'm reading. Hmm, maybe it's my bad reading comprehension or something. Hmm, there are also times when I can't understand what the characters in television shows and movies in English are saying. I mean, maybe it's my bad listening comprehension or something. Hmm, if you catch my drift.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I'm thinking trying to make some sense in my blog drafts isn't just me so I guess it's much better for me to just be the amateur writer who doesn't make any sense that I am. Hmm, I think there's nothing wrong with it or something. I mean, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Hmm, I'm thinking of reading my blog drafts properly before posting those on my blog to minimize the typographic errors. Well, I'm just trying to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and all I can do for now is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday and that's an amen.

Earning While Blogging

 

You know what? I'm really trying to figure out a way to start earning while blogging. Well, it's just that I'm not really that good when it comes to researching on search engines or something. I mean, it really sucks to be unemployed not to mention trying to deal with this funny feeling that I'm unemployable. Hmm, I dropped by online a while ago to make some corrections on my latest batch of blog posts and then I went researching on how to make a living out of writing. Well, I was thinking of having a little play online it's just that I decided why won't I do something worthwhile instead and try to figure out a way to start making a living out of writing 'coz it seems like I was only able to somehow polish my reading and writing skills but my listening and speaking skills were left behind. You know what? I have a funny feeling that there are times when I subconsciously turn into a workaholic. Well, I don't know with me. Damn it. Whatever.

 

Well, I'm thinking I don't really have the qualifications of being a freelance writer online or something. I mean, not to mention that I'm not really that good when it comes to researching on search engines for a certain topic and come up with an interesting to read article about the said topic. You know what? I just want to keep on updating my blog from time to time and then turn my blog into a blog book and then send my work of art to literary agents and then pray for a miracle to happen for a publishing company to publish my book someday. You know what? If I think it over I don't really get that much moral support while I'm in the process of writing my blog book aside from the internet load or something. Well, I even have a funny feeling that a bunch of creatures out there are against this dream of mine for some reason or something. Hmm, I don't really know. Oh, I'm thinking it's my thought patterns all over again or what. Well, no matter I'm gonna keep on writing. I mean, I always wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and I am thankful enough to be given the chance these days to make that dream come true.

 

You know what? If I can only start earning my own dough by blogging. Hmm, it's just that it seems impossible these days so I guess the best thing for me to do is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. You know what? I don't really know if somebody out there gave some of one's precious time in reading my blog posts and if ever somebody spared some of one's precious time in reading my blog posts then I don't know what was that person's reaction or something. Well, I guess it's much better for me to ready myself for not-so-constructive criticisms or something. I mean, being criticized is part of my dream of being a writer someday and I guess it's much better for me to learn how to live with it. Damn, I'm wondering if readers out there will bother to read a blog book that they cannot relate to. Hmm, on second thought if those readers who can't relate to my blog book read my work of art at least it will broaden their minds and they will somehow be transported into a whole new world while reading my blog book or something. Damn, I guess that's another marketing strategy. LOL.

 

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. I mean, I don't really have that much in mind right now. Hmm, it's just that I need to write a few more lines to conform to the standard requirement of writing a page of nonsense per blog draft. You know what? I guess all I can do for now is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, it's much better for me to think that everything will simply fall into place according to God's plan. You know what? If I'm really meant to be a writer in the real world everybody knows then maybe God is working on it to make that dream of mine come true someday. You know what? I have a funny feeling that a bunch of creatures out there just don't understand that I always wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and here I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday.

 

Wonder When Will I Make Sense

Damn, my blog is really getting more and more boring by the minute. Oh, not to mention that I'm writing a bunch of nonsense these days. Well, on second thought when did I start making sense since time in memorial to begin with. Hmm, I guess I'm just someone who doesn't make any sense at all and that's what sets me apart from everyone else. I mean, as they say that each one of us is unique in our own way. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I'm still wondering if am I writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand. Well, I guess it's much better for me not to care if the whole damn world doesn't understand me as long as I understand myself or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

You know what? I'm thinking of coming up with voice blogs and upload my voice blogs on a video sharing website. I mean, since it seems like I am able to somehow polish my writing skills if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with then why won't I try polishing my speaking skills or something. Well, on second thought coming up with voice blogs and uploading my voice blogs on a video sharing website isn't such a good idea. Oh, not to mention that I opt to write instead of talking or something. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. You know what? I'm thinking of dropping by online not to do the usual work but to have a little play. Oh, not to mention squeezing in making some corrections on the latest batch of blog posts I updated my blog with. You know what? I'm thinking that's why I'm writing too much lately is because I'm just pressured to write 97,500 words of nonsense on or before the 15^th of December 2013 so that I can send my literary masterpieces to literary agents as the next step towards achieving my dream to be a writer in the real world everybody knows someday. Damn it.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? It's really not that easy to write a page of nonsense, mind you. Damn, I wonder when will I start making some sense or something. Well, I don't know with me. You know what? I'm thinking of having a break from writing or something. I mean, I feel like it's been all work with no play since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Oh, there's nothing to worry 'coz the play I'm thinking of is watching music videos on a video sharing website and checking out other bloggers' blogs or something. I mean, I'm not thinking of fooling around by talking to complete strangers anymore. Well, I guess it's time for me to learn my lesson or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, back then I was subconsciously fooling around and when it resurfaced in my consciousness that I ended up subconsciously fooling around by talking to complete strangers I felt so bad about everything and told myself not to do such thing ever again for the good of everyone. You know what? I guess it's much better for me to do something worthwhile instead.

I mean, I guess it's much better for me to focus more in writing my blog or something. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I guess it's not that bad to take a break from writing and recharge from time to time. Hmm, who knows what if after a little break I'll be able to come up with blog posts that make some sense or something. I mean, I guess it's not healthy to focus more on work and just forget to have some play from time to time. Damn, it's not that easy to make-believe that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. Oh, not to mention that I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. You know what? I really wanna read everything I wrote since the day I learned how to write. Hmm, it's just that I don't think that's such a good idea so I better just drop the thought of it. LOL.

Trying to Balance Work and Play

You know what? It seems like I'm working too much lately as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, it's nice to have a lot of ideas or shall I say nonsense to talk about it's just that I guess I need to learn how to balance work and play or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Oh, not to mention that I'd rather have nothing to talk about than have my psychotic mind drop by and ruin everything. You know what? When I was still a student in a formal school studying my lessons was my work and surfing the internet was my play. Well, back then I wasn't consciously balancing work and play. I mean, I guess it just came out naturally or something. Well, these days keeping my blog updated from time to time and promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on a social networking site are my work. Hmm, and I'm thinking reading good books and listening to good music are my play. Hmm, I think so. LOL.

Well, I'm thinking of dropping by online not to do the usual work but to do a little play. Hmm, maybe by watching music videos on a video sharing website or something will do. Oh, not to mention squeezing in making some corrections on the latest batch of blog posts I updated my blog with. Hmm, maybe I'll also go and send my lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, I don't really know. Oh, and I think checking out other bloggers' blogs will be interesting too. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I'm thinking of setting back sending a query to literary agents by December. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending a query to literary agents by the time my blog miraculously survives a year or something. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, I guess I'll go and think about it or something.

Oh, talking about play. I mean, when college came I didn't know what to do with my mobile phone so I subconsciously turned it into a toy and texting to complete strangers became my play. Oh, not to mention that when graduate school came chatting to complete strangers also became my play. Well, I guess I was just so bored with my super boring life or something. Oh, and to add to that stalking my crushes online was also my play way back high school, college, and graduate school plus stalking my crushes on the school campus was also my play way back college. However, my student career was still my main priority even if the course I took for college is the least of my interest. I mean, I guess back then I was just after the college diploma and I didn't really care what course in college I'll graduate in or something. Well, I was thinking back then that a college diploma is my key to landing a good paying job as an office staff in a company then I can start earning my own dough and when I'm already earning my own dough then I can do and have whatever that is that I want in life or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn it.

Hmm, as I've said I guess I subconsciously chose to be normal back then. Well, it's just that my Bipolar Disorder came and changed everything. You know what? I'm thinking maybe I'm really meant to be a writer and God is simply preparing me for this dream of mine to be a writer someday to come true in the real world everybody knows. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Well, who knows? LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? Let's put it this way, the past three years and eight months were like an undergraduate course in writing in order for me to polish my writing skills if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with and let's just say that everything I wrote from the 15^th of June to the 15^th of October is part of the final project which is a requirement for graduation or something. I mean, it's like a Fine Arts major in Painting student who is required to put up one's own gallery of paintings as a requirement for graduation or what. Well, if you can catch my drift. Oh, so let's just say I passed the final project which is a requirement to graduate my course in writing so I'm a graduate by now or something. Yehey! Hmm, it's just that I don't think I'll start making some sense in my up coming blog drafts or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn it.

Typographic Errors

You know what? My typographic errors are getting worse and worse by the minute. I mean, in my blog post “Changing My Thought Patterns” I wrote “most of of” when what I really meant was “most out of”. Hmm, in my blog post “Slowly Learning How to Adjust” I wrote “confidence I have” when if I think it over it's supposed to be in the past tense so I should have written “confidence I had”. Oh, not to mention that in my blog post “Wondering If It's a Good Idea” I wrote “instead riding” when what I really meant was “instead of riding”. I mean, I just forgot to type “of” or something. You know what? I feel like dropping by online as soon as I can to make the corrections. Hmm, it's just that I guess it can wait until I have written another batch of blog drafts to update my blog or something. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, whatever. Damn it. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I really don't know what am I gonna do with my damn life in the real world everybody knows. Damn, if I can only start making a living out of writing. You know what? I read my blog drafts over and over again before posting those on my blog so I'm kind of wondering why wasn't I able to spot those typographic errors before I updated my blog or something. Well, I don't know with me. Damn, it's sad that my webcam's automatic photoshop said goodbye for good. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? It seems like it will take some time before my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” achieves another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. You know what? I guess it's much better for me to focus more on keeping my blog updated from time to time these days or something. Damn it.

You know what? As much as I want to start earning my own dough at this point in my life I don't think that's possible for now or something. I mean, I'm kind of thinking what if I'm really meant to be a writer and make a living out of writing or something. You know what? I'm not really a creative writer so I guess it's much better for me to drop the idea on working on writing a novel or what. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I guess it's much better for me to think of the present or something and all I can do for now is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday. Damn, I don't really know if what I'm doing these days is really going somewhere or not. Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to keep in mind that the book of life God wrote for me before I was ever born into this world is way much better than my own daydreams of the future. I mean, God knows what's best for me not to mention that God can see the future and He knows best.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I'm thinking of buying a memory card reader so I can transfer files from my camera phone to my laptop or from my laptop to my camera phone. I mean, at least I don't have to buy a brand new digital camera to take photos or something, right? Oh, not to mention that if I can take a photo of myself these days then I don't have to drop by a professional photo studio to have a photo of myself by a professional photographer. Well, let's just say it's a way of learning how to live with what I have and make the most of what I have not to mention learning how to stop wanting what I don't have. Damn, I'm thinking that will be quite a challenge. LOL. You know what? I wish my webcam will have its automatic photoshop back. Hmm, it's just that I don't think that's possible. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

My Journey Goes On and On

Hmm, so I went online a few hours ago to update my blog and then I researched on how to change my thought patterns. Well, I read the online articles that came out of my research and if I'm not mistaken the online articles came to a conclusion that the best way to change one's thought patterns is to learn how to change the negative thoughts into positive ones. Damn, how am I gonna be able to do that? I mean, I'm a pessimist. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Oh, I forgot to send the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, maybe at the back of my head this isn't the right time for me to send it. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. By the way, I accidentally ended up fixing my laptop's webcam. Well, problem is it seems like the automatic photoshop decided to be gone for good or something. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I'm thinking of dropping by a professional photo studio and have a photo of myself by a professional photographer. Hmm, I don't know why. Well, maybe 'coz I just wanna have a souvenir of what I look like at this point in my life. Hmm, let's just say at least I'll have something to look back on years from now or something. You know what? I had a lot of photos when I was a baby and while I was growing up as a child. Hmm, it's just that everything changed since I began going to school. Well, not to mention that we don't really have a camera so it seems like the only photos of myself that you can find while growing up as a student are my photos in class pictures. Well, when college came I had camera phones and then I went taking photos of myself or something. Oh, not to mention that those camera phones seem to have that automatic photoshop that I'm talking about. LOL. Hmm, when I had my laptop I took photos with my webcam and it seems like my webcam has this automatic photoshop back then or something. Damn, what am I talking about? Hmm, whatever.

You know what? I'm thinking of putting two photos of myself side by side each other and make it look like I have a twin or something. LOL. Hmm, let's just say it's inspired by this book series about the adventures and misadventures of identical twins that I was fond of reading way back grade school. LOL. Well, I guess it's my creative side resurfacing all over again or something. You know what? I think it will take some time for my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” to achieve another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. You know what? I'm not really photogenic and I look different in pictures. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I wonder when will I ever start making some sense in my blog drafts? Well, on second thought I think it will be weird to start making some sense or something. Hmm, whatever. Damn it. LOL.

Damn, it's not that easy to write a page of nonsense, mind you. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. By the way, I'm thinking it will be nice if I can do some cosplay on a professional photo studio. Oh, not to mention the wigs. Well, I don't know with me. I guess it's just my creativity resurfacing all over again or something. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm writing too much lately. Well, I don't know with me. Oh, so I guess it's time for me to turn negative thoughts to positive thoughts from now on or something. Well, I know it will be quite a challenge but if I won't be able to change my thought patterns then I really won't be able to move on with my damn life and that's an amen. Damn it.

So Nothing Much to Talk About

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I have a funny feeling that I'm not really meant to land a good paying job as an office staff or employee in a company. I mean, all I wanna do these days is to write a book and make a living out of writing. Well, I don't know if being a blogger online is really going somewhere so much more that I don't even know if this blog book that I'm writing will make it as a bestseller. Oh, not to mention that I don't know if I'm diving head first with the steps I'm taking toward a career in writing. You know what? I'm thinking there's really no harm in sending my literary masterpieces to literary agents. I mean, as they say that there's no harm in trying. Well, I'm thinking maybe it's my fear of failure holding me back all over again or what.

You know what? I'm thinking maybe for now I'm simply an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, it's just that who knows maybe in the near future I'll be the next bestselling author who wrote a bestselling book or something. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering if sending the lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper is a good idea or not. By the way, I read in an online article that if I dream to be a published writer I need to learn how to think about my readers if I ever do have some. Oh, not to mention that I'm thinking if my blog book will be given the chance to be a published book then it will have to go through revision by an editor. You know what? If you ask me I opt for my blog book to stay the way it is. I mean, I consider my blog book as a work of art and I don't like the idea of it going through revision. Well, maybe I'm thinking where's my freedom of expression if some editor will go and edit my work of art or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. I mean, I'm just saying. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking why won't I just keep on updating my blog from time to time even if I don't even know if keeping my blog updated from time to time is going somewhere or not. Well, it sucks to be unemployed not to mention that it sucks even more to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Oh, not to mention that as the normal pattern in life for normal people dictates I should be providing for my own self at this point in my life. You know what? I'm thinking maybe God gave me this Bipolar Disorder in order to prepare me in being a writer or something. Oh, not to mention that I'm wondering if coming up with a script, a collection of my own poems, and a collage the summer before college signs from God that I'm meant to be an artist. It's just that I was so dumb not to figure it out back then. Or maybe I just subconsciously chose to be normal.

You know what? I may be thinking of giving job hunting another try. It's just that if I think it over I'm sick and tired of sending resumés to employers and going through job interviews not to mention that I'll most probably get a “Thank you for coming.” and “We will call you.” after the job interview when those phrases are simply another way of saying that I'm not qualified and that I better not keep my hopes high 'coz it's unlikely that a call from the employer will come or something. You know what? I'm thinking of sending my literary masterpieces to literary agents by December. I mean, I guess it's worth giving it a try, right? Well, I asked for a sign. It's just that I think that sign I'm asking for isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? I guess it's time for me to forget about my fear of failure. Damn, I wonder what it will be like to spot a copy of my book on the shelves of bookstores. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Well, there's nothing wrong with dreaming anyway. Damn, what am I saying?

Wondering If It's a Good Idea

Hmm, I have written a query that I'm supposed to send to literary agents by the time I have written 97,500 words of nonsense or by the time my lyric video of “A Broken Record” achieves a thousand views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, it's just that I'm kind of wondering if sending my literary masterpieces to literary agents is a good idea or not. Oh, speaking of my lyric video of “A Broken Record”. I mean, my lyric video may have more dislikes than likes on the video sharing website where I uploaded it not to mention the not-so-constructive comments it's just that in fairness and if I think it over my lyric video of “A Broken Record” achieved more likes on the social networking site where I keep on promoting it. Hmm, it's just that I don't know if those netizens liked it 'coz those netizens like my song “A Broken Record” or those netizens just liked it 'coz it's those netizens' way of helping me achieve a thousand views for my lyric video of “A Broken Record” or something. Well, I don't really know.

You know what? I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering if posting my literary masterpieces here on my blog will lessen the chances of my blog book to become a published book or something. You know what? I'm thinking e-books may save the trees and not to mention Mother Earth but there's really nothing like flipping the pages of a book in print. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. Whatever.

You know what? I think I need to fix my head before anything else. I mean, what I mean is I need to fix the way my head interprets things before anything else. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. I mean, coming up with a blog draft of nonsense is not that easy, mind you. You know what? It seems like my anti-psychotic and mood stabilizer are doing pretty well these days. Oh, not to mention that in fairness I'm also doing my best to help myself and prevent my psychotic mind from dropping by and spoiling everything. I mean, my blog is really doing good so far even if I'm more of writing a bunch of nonsense or something. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I think it's not that bad to walk around the place as long as it's not crowded. Hmm, it's just that I'm a home buddy so I don't really feel like walking around the place or something. Damn, what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? If I'm not mistaken there's a foreign country where most people opt to walk instead of riding a bus or a cab or a train or whatever. Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? I don't really have that much in mind right now. Well, it's just that I need to write a few more lines to conform to the standard requirement of writing a page of nonsense in every blog draft. You know what? Whenever my Bipolar Disorder becomes worst not to mention whenever my psychotic mind drops by I end up not knowing the thin line between reality and what are imagined. Of course, my wild imagination includes my daydreams. It's just that what are imagined not to mention my daydreams are a whole lot different from reality. Oh, to add to that most if not all of what are imagined not to mention my daydreams are an inch away from impossible. I mean, take it from an expert in daydreaming. I mean, I have been daydreaming since the day I learned how to think and none of my daydreams ever came true in the real world everybody knows. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Slowly Learning How to Adjust

You know what? I guess it's time for me to learn how to adjust. I mean, I'm thinking maybe that's why I isolated myself from people or pulled myself away from everybody else almost my whole life by being the loner since time in memorial that I am is because I find it hard to adjust to people and to the kind of environment around me. Well, we moved to a new place a few months ago and I just stayed inside the subdivision most of the time and there are even days when I just don't step out of the house. I'm thinking of going back job hunting. I mean, I'm already in my mid-twenties and I'm supposed to be providing for my own self at this stage of my life. Well, maybe deep down I still feel like a fourteen year old it's just that I guess it's time for me to have some reality check or something. I mean, God gave me about three years and eight months to polish my skill in writing if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with not to mention giving me enough time in learning how to deal with this Bipolar Disorder I have. Well, I guess it's time for me to move on. I mean, the path to recovery wasn't that easy, mind you. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

Well, even if I'll go and give job hunting another try I'm still gonna do whatever I can to keep my blog updated from time to time. I mean, I guess the dream still lives on. LOL. Well, I know things will never be the same again and I guess all I have to do from now on is simply to live with it. Hmm, my student career is somewhat over. I mean, I guess I'm not ever going back to school any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? At some point I lost all the confidence I had and from time to time I feel like I'm incompetent for any job out there. Well, it's just that I think it's time for me bring back the confidence I had in me and then everything else will follow. I mean, I may be mentally ill but it doesn't mean that I cannot function like a normal human being. Oh, not to mention that I better be ready to accept rejections or something. Damn it.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? It's not my problem why other creatures think the way they do so I guess the best thing for me to do is just to let those other creatures think what they want. Damn, it's not easy to come up with a blog draft, mind you. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. LOL. Well, maybe deep within I still feel like a fourteen year old. It's just that in my daydreams and on the world wide web maybe I'm already sixty years old or something. LOL. Hmm, in the real world I'm still twenty-five years old. Damn, why am I talking about ages? Well, maybe 'coz I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, let me think. Damn it.

You know what? I don't really have that much in mind right now. LOL. Hmm, I don't even know where this blog draft is going. It's just that I need to write a few more lines to conform to the standard requirement of writing a page of nonsense per blog draft. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I don't really have that much in mind right now. LOL. Damn, what am I saying? LOL. Well, it's just that I'd rather have nothing to write about than have my psychotic mind drop by and ruin everything. I mean, my blog is really doing good so far and I don't really need my psychotic mind to drop by and spoil everything. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I just leave other people do what they want to do with their lives. I mean, I have nothing to do with other people's lives anyway. Well, so I guess all that I can do for now is keep on keeping my blog updated as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer in the real world everybody knows someday. Whatever. Damn it.

Changing My Thought Patterns

You know what? I'm thinking this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have is stressing me out so I need to do some research on how am I gonna change this kind of unwanted thought patterns. Hmm, it's just that I'm kind of wondering if is it possible to change this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have or not. I mean, the way I understand it thought patterns are the way the head interprets things or something. Hmm, I don't know how my head ended up interpreting things the way it does not to mention that it's making me be in a bad mood sometimes. You know what? I don't interpret things in my head this way before I had Bipolar Disorder. Damn, I don't really know what happened. By the way, I'm reading all over again a guide book about good mental health that someone gave me and don't mind asking who that someone is 'coz it's top secret. LOL. Well, I read the chapter about depression and it caught my attention that a person can end up being depressed for no reason at all plus possibly when everything seems to be fine. Hmm, that's how I understand what I read or maybe it's my bad reading comprehension resurfacing all over again. LOL. You know what? Why won't I focus on changing my thought patterns or what? LOL.

You know what? While growing up I was able to notice a normal pattern in life for normal people. I mean, the pattern goes like this. Well, a person is born then that person goes through childhood then that person starts to go to school and graduate college then that person goes job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company to provide for one's self then it's optional if that person decides to settle down and start a family plus raise one's kids or that person decides to be single for life with no kids then that person retires from work and then try to make the most out of one's remaining time here on Earth then a person leaves this world of the living. Hmm, in fairness my life is something to be considered as normal so far. I mean, I was born then I had a sickly childhood then I went to school and was able to finish college. It's just that it stops there for now 'coz I'm unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult but I already made up my mind and that I'm choosing to be single for the rest of my life with no child. Hmm, I'm thinking for now all I can do is do the best that I can to pursue my dream to be a writer in the real world everybody knows someday and I don't know if God is also working on it or not.

Okay, I know this isn't the normal path in life not to mention that it's not in the pattern I noticed while growing up. Well, it's just that I'm thinking maybe being employed as an office staff in a company is not written in the book of life God wrote for me before I was ever born into this world so much more settling down and starting a family. I mean, I always wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and here I am given the chance to make that dream come true. Damn, why is it so hard for some creatures to understand that all I want is to write a book and make a living out of writing that's why I'm being a blogger keeping this blog as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday? You know what? My blog is really doing good so far.

Well, I know some people just don't understand especially those who are accustomed to the normal pattern in life for normal people that I noticed while growing up. It's just that I don't see anything wrong with being abnormal sometimes or most of the time. LOL. Well, it sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. It's just that I don't really belong in the corporate world. You know what? I'm thinking of giving job hunting another try. I mean, I read in a newspaper article one time that making a living out of writing is not enough to sustain life. Oh, not to mention that my high school friend gave an advice saying that it's much better for me to go job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company and just write as a sideline or something. I mean, I may be mentally ill but it doesn't mean that I cannot function like a normal human being. Okay, so I'll go and think about it. Damn it. LOL.

Psychotic Mind No More

You know what? I'm simply blogging to express myself and that's pretty much it. Oh, not to mention that it's not my problem why other creatures think the way they do. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to shrug all the negativity off 'coz I don't need such negativity in reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. Well, all I know is I'm just an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. You know what? I'm kind of thinking that this path I'm choosing is not the normal path or something. Well, it's just that I don't think there's something wrong with being abnormal from time to time. LOL. Oh, to add to that I'm not really someone you can call as “normal” to begin with. I mean, if I'm not mistaken I think it's only me in my batch way back school days who is a loner since time in memorial or something. Well, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed. Damn it. LOL.

You know what? Whenever my psychotic mind drops by it makes me think of out of this world stuffs and it's so stupid of me to entertain those thoughts back then so I guess it's time for me to learn how to shrug those out of this world thoughts that my psychotic mind is trying to poison my head and think of something worthwhile instead. Oh, not to mention that I'm still under medication. I mean, I take an anti-psychotic and a mood stabilizer both once a day to aid me in dealing with this Bipolar Disorder I have. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to do what I can to live my life to the fullest the way I know how. Well, it seems like for now all I can be is a unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. Damn, I'm saying the same things over and over again. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I don't really mind being different from everyone else. I mean, if you ask me I like it better that way or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I also don't mind if most if not all people just can't relate to me 'coz I find it quite a challenge to relate to other people either. LOL. Well, I guess I'm just unique in my own way and I like it better that way. Oh, not to mention that I also don't mind if most if not all people don't think the way I do and I'm sick and tired of making the most out of my imaginative mind trying to figure out what and how other people think or something. You know what? All I know is I never asked for this Bipolar Disorder I have. I mean, who wants to be a pain in the ass to begin with? Well, it's just that I'm thinking maybe having this Bipolar Disorder is somewhat written in my book of life that God wrote for me even before I was born into this world. Hmm, I guess I better just look at the bright side. Damn it.

You know what? I don't really know if me blogging is going somewhere. I mean, all I know is it's all I can do for now. Oh, not to mention sending the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. You know what? I think I'm just gonna spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online or shall I say living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room. I mean, if you ask me I think there's really nothing much left for me to do here in this world of the living not to mention that I don't even know why was I ever born in this whole damn world anyway. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do now is to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and being a blogger is all that I can do for now. Damn, I just don't want my psychotic mind to drop by and ruin everything. Damn it.

Talking to Myself Super Helps

You know what? If I didn't write all my thoughts down whenever my psychotic mind drops by I think I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday. I mean, writing is like talking to myself or something and you just don't have any idea how that helps. Oh, not to mention that writing played a dominant role in my journey to recovery. I mean, if you can catch my drift. By the way, in my blog post “Not a Bit Sense of Humor in Me” I wrote “on sense of humor” when I really meant was “of sense of humor”. Hmm, I don't know if I'll make some corrections or not. I mean, maybe I will or maybe I won't. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, on second thought there's a part of me telling me to just leave it as it is. I mean, maybe I'm thinking what makes an artwork more beautiful are its imperfections. Hmm, whatever. Damn it.

Oh, I read what came out of my online research on “Bipolar Disorder” and “Personality Disorder” last night. Hmm, I don't know with me but reading what came out of my online research gave me an idea on what I have to study if ever I'll take up Psychology in a formal school and it was such a turn off. LOL. Well, maybe I'll just go and do some online research about bits of Psychology from time to time not to mention that it seems like I'm not ever going back to school any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. Hmm, I'm not an expert in Psychology so much more that I'm not a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist so I'm not really in the right position to make any diagnosis of the state of my mental health as of the moment. Well, all I know is while reading what came out of my online research I was able to somehow relate to what I read. You know what? I have not met somebody who has Bipolar Disorder and I guess I'm not interested to meet anyone with Bipolar Disorder. Well, all I know is it's not only me dealing with this mental illness.

You know what? I'm still wondering what if this Bipolar Disorder I have is a blessing in disguise. Hmm, I don't really know. By the way, I'm kind of thinking of buying a printer instead of having my literary masterpieces printed on a short bond paper. Hmm, it's just that I have a funny feeling that buying a printer at this point in time isn't such a good idea not to mention in wrong timing 'coz my laptop is slowly depreciating and I'm kind of thinking what if by the time I have saved enough to buy a printer my laptop is almost fully depreciated or something. Oh, to add to that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy myself a new laptop. Hmm, so I guess this is another downside of being unemployed not to mention unemployable, huh? Damn, it seems like I'm going off topic all over again. Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. You know what? I really want my blog book to look like a professional looking book which is somehow an inch away from impossible these days. Whatever. Damn it.

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I guess there's no need for me to study Psychology in a formal school just to understand myself better. I mean, a lot of prayer to God and a lot of writing will do. Oh, not to mention that things will never be the same again. You know what? On second thought I miss being a student in a formal school. Hmm, it's just that it seems like my student career in a formal school is somewhat over. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to move on and focus more in my baby steps toward a career in writing in the real world everybody knows. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really that sure if sending my lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper is a good idea or not. Well, I don't really know. You know what? I think it's time for me to say goodbye to my career as a student and say hello to a career as a writer. Hmm, so I guess the dream still lives on, huh? Well, I guess so. LOL.

More Super Boring by the Minute

You know what? It seems like my blog is getting more and more boring by the minute. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. By the way, I googled “Bipolar Disorder” and “Personality Disorder” on a search engine when I dropped by online a few hours ago. Oh, not to mention that when I checked my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” I bumped into a comment saying or actually asking why I'm spamming a social networking site by promoting my lyric video or something. Well, if that netizen thinks that I'm spamming or something then I guess there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, all I know is I'm just promoting my lyric video on a social networking site wishing for it to achieve a thousand views as a Christmas wish or make the views a million. LOL. By the way, it's not really a big deal if I'm such a boring person living such a super boring life not to mention keeping a blog that's getting more and more super boring by the minute. I mean, it's been that way since time in memorial. Hmm, I guess I'm just designed this way and I better just live with it. Damn it. LOL.

Oh, not to mention that I also googled social networking sites for aspiring writers. By the way, I forgot to send the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I really don't know if what I'm doing these days is going somewhere. Well, it's just that for now make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online is all that I can do. Damn, I don't really know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? There are times when I feel like reading everything that I have written since the day I learned how to write. Well, I don't know with me. Oh, not to mention that noticing how my handwriting changes as the years pass by can be fun too. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, how many times do I have to keep on asking that question? Well, I don't know with me. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Well, so I think I'm gonna go and read what came out of my online research after coming up with this blog draft. You know what? I came to think why won't I write a novel about somebody with a Personality Disorder. Hmm, if a novel is too ambitious then why won't I write a short story about it perhaps or something. I mean, I think writing a short story about somebody with a Personality Disorder is my own way of starting somewhere or something. Well, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, I don't really know. I mean, I may be an imaginative mind but I'm not really a creative writer not to mention that I also forgot how to build characters and come up with dialogues. You know what? I feel like someone who wasted one's talent or talents or something.

Oh, if I'm not mistaken I heard somebody said that if God gives you a talent and you don't use it then He's gonna take that talent away from you and give it to somebody else who will make the most out of the said talent. Damn, which reminds me that it's been a long while since I made a drawing. Oh, not to mention that I was thinking of buying some sketchpad, pencils, and coloring materials a few weeks ago so that I can polish my talent in drawing 'coz it seems to be rusty these days. Hmm, it's just that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy the materials I need in order to polish my talent in drawing. You know what? I'm thinking one of the many reasons why I didn't take up a course in college that's related to arts 'coz I was scared to have an inferiority complex. Oh, not to mention the fear of failure. I mean, what if I took Fine Arts major in Painting for college and all I know is to make typical drawings or typical sketches inspired by Japanese Animation Characters then I'll end up bumping into classmates who know how to paint like Renaissance artists do. Damn, won't that be such a pain in the heart? Yeah, I thought so. Damn it.

As Simple As Writing Candidly

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm wondering when am I gonna start making some sense in my blog drafts or what. Hmm, on second thought I'm not keeping this blog to fill it up with blog posts that make sense anyway. LOL. Well, it's just that I have to say that make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online even if I'm mostly writing a bunch of nonsense is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe some creatures out there will find my literary masterpieces as rubbish. Well, it's just that I'm also considering the thought that some people out there may find some sense in my literary masterpieces though I'm not keeping my hopes high. LOL. Hmm, as for me keeping my blog updated from time to time is my own way of living my life to the fullest or something. Damn it.

You know what? I'm kind of thinking what if the present generation isn't ready to embrace my literary masterpieces or something for the main reason that the present generation just can't relate to it. Hmm, so I'm kind of wondering will the future generation take my literary masterpieces the same way or things will be a whole lot different. Well, I don't really know. Hey, I'm not that tween and teenage girl anymore who daydreams to conquer the world. LOL. I mean, thanks to my Bipolar Disorder for somehow giving me a reality check. LOL. Hmm, I don't know why God designed me to be a silent type kind of person in person not to mention a loner since time in memorial in person. Well, maybe in my blog I'm noisy and a silent kind of noise that is but when people are around me in person I'm most of the time silent and seems to be drifting in my own world or something. Hmm, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. Well, let's just say that's one of my traits that makes me unique from everyone else.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess there's really such thing as a generation gap and I have a funny feeling that I'm born in the wrong generation or something. LOL. Hmm, so it seems like the present generation seems to not understand my literary masterpieces and I'm kind of wondering what if the future generation will. Well, it's just that there's a possibility that my time in this world of the living is up when that time comes. LOL.

You know what? I'm kind of wondering if the world wide web is here to stay forever or not. I mean, I still haven't figured out what is a better way to preserve my thoughts or something. You know what? I'm thinking the best way to preserve my thoughts is by being a published writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, if my book will get published or something generations after generations will get the chance to read my published book and it will somehow make my thoughts immortal or something. Hmm, so it's like even if my time in this world of the living is up I continue to live on through my literary masterpieces. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

It's just that I'm thinking of keeping that divine guidance I'm asking for in mind before anything else. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending the lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, maybe I will or maybe I won't. I don't really know. You know what? I'm also thinking of joining a writing workshop. It's just that it seems like it's not possible for now so I'm thinking of joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers. Well, on second thought isn't this blog site where I'm keeping my blog a social networking site for bloggers? Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

I'm Unique in My Own Way

You know what? I haven't met somebody who has the same wavelength as I do. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering what will those people I met in person think if ever they get the chance to read my literary masterpieces since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Well, I'm thinking maybe some of them will think that I have changed or that they hardly knew me at all. You know what? If you ask me I still feel like the same person. Well, I guess the only difference is I'm learning how to deal with my insecurities not to mention my personal issues and I'm learning how to express myself fearlessly by means of blogging not to mention conquering my fears in order to reach for my dream to be a writer someday. Oh, and I almost forgot that one of the major changes is that I have to deal with my Bipolar Disorder for the rest of my life. However, I'm still this daydreamer who lives in her own world most of her life.

You know what? It was so easy for me to master the art of deadma before I had Bipolar Disorder. It's just that problem is since I had Bipolar Disorder mastering the art of deadma became quite a challenge on my part. Hmm, I have a theory in my mind. It's just that don't bother asking what that theory is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Well, good news is I'm learning how to master the art of deadma these days and I'm doing good so far so I'm praying and hoping that my psychotic mind won't drop by and ruin everything. Oh, I'm still considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder is a blessing in disguise. You know what? I'm kind of thinking what happened when I was nineteen years old is that all my repressed thoughts and feelings since I learned how to think emerged in my consciousness and then I had some sort of personal crisis or something. Well, I'm thinking of looking at the bright side of things. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday not to mention the good changes that I mentioned earlier that came along with it.

By the way, I decided to continue reading this book about dreams and what dreamers end up doing just to make their dreams come true. I mean, I don't feel like reading the rest of my sister's latest batch of secondhand books and it seems like I can't drop by a bookstore to buy a new book any time soon not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, so I'm thinking of reading all over again all the books in my mini-library to make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Damn, I don't know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? I can honestly just spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, the downside is I won't be able to know what it's like to start earning my own dough or something. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Hmm, what am I saying? Damn it.

Well, the problem is even if I'll learn how to master the art of deadma everything will never be the same again. Oh, on second thought if other creatures will learn how to just leave me alone to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and mind their own beeswax then I think mastering the art of deadma won't be that much of a challenge anymore. Hmm, it's just that even if such thing happens things will still never be the same again. I mean, it's like a wound leaving a scar or something. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL. You know what? I have my own life here to live though there are times when I wish I was never born in this world or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still clueless why was I ever born in this world to begin with. Hmm, so for now all I can be is an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and that's an amen. Damn it.