Right Track Still Unknown

Hmm, I wonder if the lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” that I uploaded on my video sharing website's channel carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know and I don't know when will I ever find out. LOL. Oh, nothing much has changed 'coz I'm still clueless on which path to take in the real world everybody knows. Well, it's either I'll go back job hunting or go back to school. Damn, why can't I just start earning my own dough by writing in the real world everybody knows or something. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. It's just that it seems like such is likely an inch away from impossible. Damn it.

Hey, I'm thinking of not religiously updating my blog in the coming days. I mean, if I do the Math it seems like I'm spending too much on internet load since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” online without earning anything out of it. Well, I'm thinking it was just some sort of adrenaline rush last July that's why I was able to write a lot during my birthday month. Oh, I'm still thinking of coming up with artworks here at home and selling those online. I mean, it seems like the only clear talent God gave me is my talent to make drawings. Well, I guess so.

Well, problem is it's been ages since I made a drawing and it seems like my talent to make drawings is now a bit rusty or something so I guess it's much better for me to go and give some time to polish my talent in making drawings from now on or what. Hmm, another problem is I literally don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy myself a sketchpad, some pencils, and some coloring materials. Damn, I don't know why I'm so into art may it be the art of making drawings, the art of writing and singing songs, and the art of making literary masterpieces. I mean, if I'm not mistaken both my parents are not into arts 'coz both of them are more inclined to business. LOL. Well, I don't consider myself as an artist. I'm just an artist-wanna-be. LOL.

I wonder what would it be like if I took a course related to arts for college. I'm wondering if will I still have this disorder I have now. Well, I don't really know and I guess there's no point for me to think too much about it. I mean, I don't wanna waste too much time and energy on regrets anymore. I guess the best thing for me to do is to look at the bright side or something. Well, I guess that's where my fear of failure took me and I guess the best thing to do is to learn from it.

I remember my song “Sand Castles” 'coz there are lines in that song that go something like “I don't know where this song is going. All I know is I'll keep on writing. I know sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all.” Damn, I really like my twelve-song-acapella-record-album “It's a Mess”. I consider “It's a Mess” as my greatest achievement in life so far. LOL. Well, problem is I don't know when will I ever be able to come up with another “It's a Mess”. Well, who knows?

I feel like I don't belong in the corporate world. I feel like I don't have the brains and the heart to be a teacher. Oh, I'm thinking of joining a writing workshop one of these days. Well, I don't know when but hopefully soon. Hmm, as they say there's no such thing as an overnight success. Hey, I have been dreaming to be a writer since I was eight and I have been dreaming to be a singer songwriter since I was eleven. It's just that I knew how to draw since the day I learned how to hold a pencil. Now, I guess that's the big difference. Hmm, I don't know if artists are born or made and I don't know which one am I. I'm thinking what's left for me to do right now is to make a choice, right? It's choosing to be normal in this normal world I live in or is it choosing to challenge the impossible. What if I'll choose to challenge the impossible? Well, I don't know.

On second thought, I guess it's much better for me to be satisfied with living my dream as a frustrated singer songwriter on a video sharing website and living my dream as a frustrated writer on a blog site. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. If I'm not mistaken in my blog post “Unwanted” I wrote “in an confusing way” instead of “in a confusing way”. I mean, it's supposed to be “a” and not “an”. Well, a part of me wants to change and correct that mistake. It's just that there's also a part of me who wants to leave it as it is. I don't know with me. Well, I guess it's not the only mistake I made in this blog or something so no worries. LOL.