Changing My Thought Patterns

You know what? I'm thinking this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have is stressing me out so I need to do some research on how am I gonna change this kind of unwanted thought patterns. Hmm, it's just that I'm kind of wondering if is it possible to change this kind of unwanted thought patterns I have or not. I mean, the way I understand it thought patterns are the way the head interprets things or something. Hmm, I don't know how my head ended up interpreting things the way it does not to mention that it's making me be in a bad mood sometimes. You know what? I don't interpret things in my head this way before I had Bipolar Disorder. Damn, I don't really know what happened. By the way, I'm reading all over again a guide book about good mental health that someone gave me and don't mind asking who that someone is 'coz it's top secret. LOL. Well, I read the chapter about depression and it caught my attention that a person can end up being depressed for no reason at all plus possibly when everything seems to be fine. Hmm, that's how I understand what I read or maybe it's my bad reading comprehension resurfacing all over again. LOL. You know what? Why won't I focus on changing my thought patterns or what? LOL.

You know what? While growing up I was able to notice a normal pattern in life for normal people. I mean, the pattern goes like this. Well, a person is born then that person goes through childhood then that person starts to go to school and graduate college then that person goes job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company to provide for one's self then it's optional if that person decides to settle down and start a family plus raise one's kids or that person decides to be single for life with no kids then that person retires from work and then try to make the most out of one's remaining time here on Earth then a person leaves this world of the living. Hmm, in fairness my life is something to be considered as normal so far. I mean, I was born then I had a sickly childhood then I went to school and was able to finish college. It's just that it stops there for now 'coz I'm unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult but I already made up my mind and that I'm choosing to be single for the rest of my life with no child. Hmm, I'm thinking for now all I can do is do the best that I can to pursue my dream to be a writer in the real world everybody knows someday and I don't know if God is also working on it or not.

Okay, I know this isn't the normal path in life not to mention that it's not in the pattern I noticed while growing up. Well, it's just that I'm thinking maybe being employed as an office staff in a company is not written in the book of life God wrote for me before I was ever born into this world so much more settling down and starting a family. I mean, I always wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and here I am given the chance to make that dream come true. Damn, why is it so hard for some creatures to understand that all I want is to write a book and make a living out of writing that's why I'm being a blogger keeping this blog as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday? You know what? My blog is really doing good so far.

Well, I know some people just don't understand especially those who are accustomed to the normal pattern in life for normal people that I noticed while growing up. It's just that I don't see anything wrong with being abnormal sometimes or most of the time. LOL. Well, it sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. It's just that I don't really belong in the corporate world. You know what? I'm thinking of giving job hunting another try. I mean, I read in a newspaper article one time that making a living out of writing is not enough to sustain life. Oh, not to mention that my high school friend gave an advice saying that it's much better for me to go job hunting and land in a good paying job as an employee in a company and just write as a sideline or something. I mean, I may be mentally ill but it doesn't mean that I cannot function like a normal human being. Okay, so I'll go and think about it. Damn it. LOL.

Psychotic Mind No More

You know what? I'm simply blogging to express myself and that's pretty much it. Oh, not to mention that it's not my problem why other creatures think the way they do. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to shrug all the negativity off 'coz I don't need such negativity in reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. Well, all I know is I'm just an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. You know what? I'm kind of thinking that this path I'm choosing is not the normal path or something. Well, it's just that I don't think there's something wrong with being abnormal from time to time. LOL. Oh, to add to that I'm not really someone you can call as “normal” to begin with. I mean, if I'm not mistaken I think it's only me in my batch way back school days who is a loner since time in memorial or something. Well, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed. Damn it. LOL.

You know what? Whenever my psychotic mind drops by it makes me think of out of this world stuffs and it's so stupid of me to entertain those thoughts back then so I guess it's time for me to learn how to shrug those out of this world thoughts that my psychotic mind is trying to poison my head and think of something worthwhile instead. Oh, not to mention that I'm still under medication. I mean, I take an anti-psychotic and a mood stabilizer both once a day to aid me in dealing with this Bipolar Disorder I have. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to do what I can to live my life to the fullest the way I know how. Well, it seems like for now all I can be is a unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards reaching for my dream to be a writer someday. Damn, I'm saying the same things over and over again. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I don't really mind being different from everyone else. I mean, if you ask me I like it better that way or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I also don't mind if most if not all people just can't relate to me 'coz I find it quite a challenge to relate to other people either. LOL. Well, I guess I'm just unique in my own way and I like it better that way. Oh, not to mention that I also don't mind if most if not all people don't think the way I do and I'm sick and tired of making the most out of my imaginative mind trying to figure out what and how other people think or something. You know what? All I know is I never asked for this Bipolar Disorder I have. I mean, who wants to be a pain in the ass to begin with? Well, it's just that I'm thinking maybe having this Bipolar Disorder is somewhat written in my book of life that God wrote for me even before I was born into this world. Hmm, I guess I better just look at the bright side. Damn it.

You know what? I don't really know if me blogging is going somewhere. I mean, all I know is it's all I can do for now. Oh, not to mention sending the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. You know what? I think I'm just gonna spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online or shall I say living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room. I mean, if you ask me I think there's really nothing much left for me to do here in this world of the living not to mention that I don't even know why was I ever born in this whole damn world anyway. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do now is to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and being a blogger is all that I can do for now. Damn, I just don't want my psychotic mind to drop by and ruin everything. Damn it.

Talking to Myself Super Helps

You know what? If I didn't write all my thoughts down whenever my psychotic mind drops by I think I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday. I mean, writing is like talking to myself or something and you just don't have any idea how that helps. Oh, not to mention that writing played a dominant role in my journey to recovery. I mean, if you can catch my drift. By the way, in my blog post “Not a Bit Sense of Humor in Me” I wrote “on sense of humor” when I really meant was “of sense of humor”. Hmm, I don't know if I'll make some corrections or not. I mean, maybe I will or maybe I won't. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, on second thought there's a part of me telling me to just leave it as it is. I mean, maybe I'm thinking what makes an artwork more beautiful are its imperfections. Hmm, whatever. Damn it.

Oh, I read what came out of my online research on “Bipolar Disorder” and “Personality Disorder” last night. Hmm, I don't know with me but reading what came out of my online research gave me an idea on what I have to study if ever I'll take up Psychology in a formal school and it was such a turn off. LOL. Well, maybe I'll just go and do some online research about bits of Psychology from time to time not to mention that it seems like I'm not ever going back to school any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. Hmm, I'm not an expert in Psychology so much more that I'm not a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist so I'm not really in the right position to make any diagnosis of the state of my mental health as of the moment. Well, all I know is while reading what came out of my online research I was able to somehow relate to what I read. You know what? I have not met somebody who has Bipolar Disorder and I guess I'm not interested to meet anyone with Bipolar Disorder. Well, all I know is it's not only me dealing with this mental illness.

You know what? I'm still wondering what if this Bipolar Disorder I have is a blessing in disguise. Hmm, I don't really know. By the way, I'm kind of thinking of buying a printer instead of having my literary masterpieces printed on a short bond paper. Hmm, it's just that I have a funny feeling that buying a printer at this point in time isn't such a good idea not to mention in wrong timing 'coz my laptop is slowly depreciating and I'm kind of thinking what if by the time I have saved enough to buy a printer my laptop is almost fully depreciated or something. Oh, to add to that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy myself a new laptop. Hmm, so I guess this is another downside of being unemployed not to mention unemployable, huh? Damn, it seems like I'm going off topic all over again. Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. You know what? I really want my blog book to look like a professional looking book which is somehow an inch away from impossible these days. Whatever. Damn it.

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I guess there's no need for me to study Psychology in a formal school just to understand myself better. I mean, a lot of prayer to God and a lot of writing will do. Oh, not to mention that things will never be the same again. You know what? On second thought I miss being a student in a formal school. Hmm, it's just that it seems like my student career in a formal school is somewhat over. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to move on and focus more in my baby steps toward a career in writing in the real world everybody knows. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really that sure if sending my lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper is a good idea or not. Well, I don't really know. You know what? I think it's time for me to say goodbye to my career as a student and say hello to a career as a writer. Hmm, so I guess the dream still lives on, huh? Well, I guess so. LOL.

As Simple As Writing Candidly

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm wondering when am I gonna start making some sense in my blog drafts or what. Hmm, on second thought I'm not keeping this blog to fill it up with blog posts that make sense anyway. LOL. Well, it's just that I have to say that make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online even if I'm mostly writing a bunch of nonsense is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe some creatures out there will find my literary masterpieces as rubbish. Well, it's just that I'm also considering the thought that some people out there may find some sense in my literary masterpieces though I'm not keeping my hopes high. LOL. Hmm, as for me keeping my blog updated from time to time is my own way of living my life to the fullest or something. Damn it.

You know what? I'm kind of thinking what if the present generation isn't ready to embrace my literary masterpieces or something for the main reason that the present generation just can't relate to it. Hmm, so I'm kind of wondering will the future generation take my literary masterpieces the same way or things will be a whole lot different. Well, I don't really know. Hey, I'm not that tween and teenage girl anymore who daydreams to conquer the world. LOL. I mean, thanks to my Bipolar Disorder for somehow giving me a reality check. LOL. Hmm, I don't know why God designed me to be a silent type kind of person in person not to mention a loner since time in memorial in person. Well, maybe in my blog I'm noisy and a silent kind of noise that is but when people are around me in person I'm most of the time silent and seems to be drifting in my own world or something. Hmm, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. Well, let's just say that's one of my traits that makes me unique from everyone else.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess there's really such thing as a generation gap and I have a funny feeling that I'm born in the wrong generation or something. LOL. Hmm, so it seems like the present generation seems to not understand my literary masterpieces and I'm kind of wondering what if the future generation will. Well, it's just that there's a possibility that my time in this world of the living is up when that time comes. LOL.

You know what? I'm kind of wondering if the world wide web is here to stay forever or not. I mean, I still haven't figured out what is a better way to preserve my thoughts or something. You know what? I'm thinking the best way to preserve my thoughts is by being a published writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, if my book will get published or something generations after generations will get the chance to read my published book and it will somehow make my thoughts immortal or something. Hmm, so it's like even if my time in this world of the living is up I continue to live on through my literary masterpieces. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

It's just that I'm thinking of keeping that divine guidance I'm asking for in mind before anything else. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending the lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, maybe I will or maybe I won't. I don't really know. You know what? I'm also thinking of joining a writing workshop. It's just that it seems like it's not possible for now so I'm thinking of joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers. Well, on second thought isn't this blog site where I'm keeping my blog a social networking site for bloggers? Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

I'm Unique in My Own Way

You know what? I haven't met somebody who has the same wavelength as I do. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering what will those people I met in person think if ever they get the chance to read my literary masterpieces since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Well, I'm thinking maybe some of them will think that I have changed or that they hardly knew me at all. You know what? If you ask me I still feel like the same person. Well, I guess the only difference is I'm learning how to deal with my insecurities not to mention my personal issues and I'm learning how to express myself fearlessly by means of blogging not to mention conquering my fears in order to reach for my dream to be a writer someday. Oh, and I almost forgot that one of the major changes is that I have to deal with my Bipolar Disorder for the rest of my life. However, I'm still this daydreamer who lives in her own world most of her life.

You know what? It was so easy for me to master the art of deadma before I had Bipolar Disorder. It's just that problem is since I had Bipolar Disorder mastering the art of deadma became quite a challenge on my part. Hmm, I have a theory in my mind. It's just that don't bother asking what that theory is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Well, good news is I'm learning how to master the art of deadma these days and I'm doing good so far so I'm praying and hoping that my psychotic mind won't drop by and ruin everything. Oh, I'm still considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder is a blessing in disguise. You know what? I'm kind of thinking what happened when I was nineteen years old is that all my repressed thoughts and feelings since I learned how to think emerged in my consciousness and then I had some sort of personal crisis or something. Well, I'm thinking of looking at the bright side of things. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday not to mention the good changes that I mentioned earlier that came along with it.

By the way, I decided to continue reading this book about dreams and what dreamers end up doing just to make their dreams come true. I mean, I don't feel like reading the rest of my sister's latest batch of secondhand books and it seems like I can't drop by a bookstore to buy a new book any time soon not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, so I'm thinking of reading all over again all the books in my mini-library to make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Damn, I don't know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? I can honestly just spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, the downside is I won't be able to know what it's like to start earning my own dough or something. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Hmm, what am I saying? Damn it.

Well, the problem is even if I'll learn how to master the art of deadma everything will never be the same again. Oh, on second thought if other creatures will learn how to just leave me alone to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and mind their own beeswax then I think mastering the art of deadma won't be that much of a challenge anymore. Hmm, it's just that even if such thing happens things will still never be the same again. I mean, it's like a wound leaving a scar or something. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL. You know what? I have my own life here to live though there are times when I wish I was never born in this world or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still clueless why was I ever born in this world to begin with. Hmm, so for now all I can be is an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and that's an amen. Damn it.

This Blog Draft is Untitled

Hmm, I can't think of a title for this blog draft so I decided to name it “This Blog Draft is Untitled” which means that this blog draft is without a title. Well, there's really nothing much to talk about. I just feel like writing and that's pretty much it. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper the next time I drop by online. I mean, it seems like the sign that I am asking for isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life so why won't I just go on with my baby steps toward a career in writing to make the whole damn world a better place to live in or something. Oh, remember my blog post “Hush-Hush” when I said that I ended up to be an undercover agent on an online messenger and it seems like I ended up having an online on-the-job training for a bachelor's degree in the arts of romance novels? Well, that was nothing but a case study with the aim of figuring out if Mr. Anagram is naughty or nice. I mean, in my own opinion it was nothing more than a case study. Hmm, maybe it was the frustrated psychologist in me resurfacing at that time or something. LOL. Damn it.

Well, I don't really know Mr. Anagram's side of the story. Hmm, I have a theory it's just that I guess it's much better for me to learn that when I don't really know the whole story then it's much better for me to keep my damn mouth shut. Well, on second thought I feel like sharing my theory in this blog draft. Oh, not to mention that my wild imagination plays a dominant role in this theory of mine 'coz I don't really have any real sufficient evidence to support this theory playing in my head. Hmm, I'm thinking what if Mr. Anagram knew all along that it was me behind that undercover identity and he just played along with it. Oh, not to mention that I'm also thinking what if some creatures are having me as a guinea pig in their case study and they commissioned Mr. Anagram to be a part of that case study and me meeting Mr. Anagram on a social networking site was part of the whole plan. Damn, here I go coming up with what-ifs all over again. LOL.

You know what? I came to realize that I can almost do anything I want on the world wide web as long as it's not against the law. LOL. Hmm, and the catch is nothing happens to me 'coz I'm just in front of a computer or something so it's like if I ended up making a lot of mistakes on the world wide web it won't be that much of a big deal 'coz it won't have that much effect on my life aside from making the world wide web a venue for making mistakes and learning lessons from it the digital way. Well, if I put it in another way it's like daydreaming of a story with a tragic ending and I end up internalizing how the main character of that daydream feels and learn from my daydream's story or something. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? You know what? I guess it's time for me to stop fooling around the world wide web. Well, for the record I wasn't fooling around since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. I guess I decided to forget about the bane and focus on the boon. LOL.

Hmm, I heard somebody said that the grass is greener on the world wide web. Well, I don't know about that. Hmm, on second thought the world wide web made the world seems smaller if you ask me. Damn, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, so I guess I'll just focus more in keeping my blog updated as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, not to mention keep on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on social networking sites until it achieves a thousand views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it as a Christmas wish or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, so I'm thinking maybe this is what I got for being such a silent type kind of person. I mean, I'm thinking what if some creatures were wondering what the heck is going on inside my damn head so I ended up being their guinea pig. Well, those are just what-ifs anyway so I guess it's much better for me not to take those what-ifs seriously. LOL. Hmm, all I know is it's not me wasting my precious time on a nobody. LOL.

Scribble It Down My Own Style

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I found out that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is engaged or shall I say getting married in a funny way via social networking site. I mean, it was my high school friend who posted an article about it as a status update and then she wrote something like “I thought true love waits but why didn't you wait for me?” then she tagged her sister if I'm not mistaken. Well, those weren't the exact words not to mention that my high school friend wrote it in mixed language. Hmm, I just translated it in English though I'm not so sure if I translated it the right way. LOL. Well, on the other hand when I found out that Mr. Jacob has a crush on this female music artist via a micro-blogging website I was slightly jealous which is nothing unusual. LOL. Well, who am I in their lives anyway? I mean, I'm just a mere fan and nothing but a fan not to mention that they don't even know that I exist. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I'm wondering what kind of readers do I want for my blog. Well, I remember I once said something like “What is a writer without a reader?” That does make some sense, right? Well, I want readers who take things lightly in life. I want readers who will most likely not make a big deal out of little things. I want readers who don't over-think what they have read. Do you get me? Why am I talking about having readers when I obviously have none? LOL. I mean, for now. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess it's much better for me not to think of readers if I ever do have some. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to write for the sake of writing or something. Hmm, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. You know what? I think writing a novel is just not my niche so I guess it's much better for me to just drop the idea of giving being a creative writer a shot or something. Hmm, damn it.

Well, on second thought I think it's not such a bad idea to step out of my comfort zone and try to write a novel or something. Hmm, the problem is I'm not that creative anymore plus it seems like I have forgotten what it's like to build characters and come up with dialogues. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so I guess the best thing for me to do is just to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. You know what? I don't know if I'll get the sign I'm asking for or not when it comes to pursuing my dream as a writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, I really find it ideal to start earning my own dough by writing or something. Oh, did I say it's much better for me to just write for the sake of writing? Well, I don't really know with me. Damn it. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between?

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, and now I'm thinking somebody will reply to that and say something like why won't I keep my mouth shut then. LOL. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, I guess I'm just a bit pressured to write 97,500 words of nonsense on or before the 15^th of December 2013 even if it's unlikely that I will send my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents or something. I mean, it seems like the sign I'm asking for is not coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? I'm sounding like a broken record saying the same things over and over again. Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, I don't really know why I'm writing too much lately. Well, all I know is I'm trying to live each and every day of my life to the fullest the way I know how. Hmm, so I guess the dream still lives on, huh?

Quiet and Peaceful Life

In my blog posts “Path Towards a Career in Writing” and “Please Mind Your Own Beeswax” I wrote “quite and peaceful life” when what I really meant was “quiet and peaceful life”. I mean, I wrote “quite” instead of “quiet”. I mean, “quite” means “to a certain extent” if you consult a word processing software's dictionary and on the other hand “quiet” means “silent” or “noiseless”. Hmm, so I guess this is another example how weird the English language can be. I mean, by simply interchanging the last two letters of a word like from “quite” to “quiet” can end up in a change of meaning or something. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? LOL. Well, I'm thinking of doing some corrections the next time I get the chance to drop by online. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

You know what? I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, I'm thinking of researching about a certain topic like “Personality” perhaps and then write a blog draft about what I have learned from my research. It's just that I'm not really an article writer or something. Well, that if researching about a certain topic and writing about it is what an article writer does. Oh, not to mention that I don't really feel like trying to make some sense 'coz it seems like if I do such I'll only end up making a fool out of myself. LOL. Hmm, let's just say writing about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between is my niche and I guess keeping it that way will make the world a better place to live in. LOL. You know what? I'm kind of thinking twice if I'll push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents. On second thought I really find it ideal to start making a living out of writing. I mean, I don't really belong in the corporate world not to mention that I'm unemployable. Damn it.

Hey, why won't I ask for a sign? Okay, so I won't push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents by the time I have written 97,500 words of nonsense. I think I'm gonna simply keep on updating my blog from time to time as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, so the sign will be if a literary agent will be able to drop by my blog, will read my posts, will end up liking it, will send me a message advising to turn my blog into a book, and will offer to represent my blog book to publishing companies then that's the time I'll push through with being an established writer in the real world everybody knows. Well, it seems like the sign won't be coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life so I guess it's much better for me to keep on living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room by make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online.

Oh, I didn't send any of my poems to a local newspaper. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, maybe I will the next time I get the chance to drop by online or maybe I won't. Hmm, I don't really know. You know what? I like my hair the way it is even if it's wavy and messy not to mention witch-like. LOL. Oh, I like it better when my hair is black too. Damn, why am I talking about my hair? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, maybe 'coz I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about and talking about my hair just popped out of my head. LOL. Damn, being an amateur writer online is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. I mean, it's not easy to write a whole page of nonsense when the same thing can be said in a few sentences or a paragraph instead. Hmm, if you can catch my drift? LOL. Well, I guess this is just my writing style and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. I mean, as they say each and everyone of us is unique in our own way or something. Well, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Oh, not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed.

My Blog is for Light Reading

Well, I'd like to stress out that I want to write a blog for light reading and not a blog with a heavy atmosphere. Oh, not to mention that I'm not writing for anyone else in particular 'coz I'm writing simply to express myself and that's pretty much it. LOL. Hmm, I don't wanna be that teenage girl anymore trying her damn best to be funny when there's not a bit of sense of humor in her. LOL. Oh, and just ignore all the “LOL” in my blog posts. I mean, I'm not really laughing out loud when I write “LOL”. Hmm, I just think the paragraph looks better with a “LOL” or something. Well, let's just say it's part of the paragraph's design or something. LOL. You know what? If you ask me my blog is doing good so far and I don't want my psychotic mind to drop by and ruin everything all over again. Hmm, let's just say at this stage of my life I'm learning how to ignore issues that don't matter and just focus more on the issues that matter. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

You know what? While growing up I usually get entertained when watching television. It's just that since I had Bipolar Disorder I have grown to dislike watching television. Well, I have a hunch why. It's just that don't bother asking what that hunch is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm running out of nonsense to talk about or something. LOL. Oh, I'm not done reading this end-of-the-world inspired book with a twist of humor in it so I guess this isn't the right time for me to come up with a book review if I ever will come up with a book review. Damn, the thought of being a guinea pig just annoys me super duper much. LOL. I mean, why can't other creatures just mind their own beeswax? Oh, not to mention that I'm not over that mind reading without a gadget whatever thing. I mean, if you know what I mean. Damn, it's difficult to explain.

Hmm, I'll give you a clue. It's either a science fiction whatever thing that went from impossible to probable to possible or it simply has something to do with magic. LOL. Oh, don't mind what I just wrote. Hmm, I guess it's my imaginative mind all over again or something. LOL. Damn, I wonder if am I such a terrible writer or something. I mean, no one really gave any critique when it comes to my writing style. Hmm, I don't really know. I mean, there are times when I feel like I'm writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand. LOL. Well, on second thought I guess it's much better for me not to care if the whole damn world doesn't understand me as long as I am able to understand myself, right? You know what? I'm thinking there's a whole new world out there outside television. Oh, and to add to that there's a whole new world out there outside the world wide web. Well, not to mention that that whole new world outside television and the world wide web is the real world and not an artificial one. Oh, and I'm thinking that real world is the world each and every person is supposed to live. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

Well, maybe that's why I cannot say that I have a life 'coz I don't really have a life strictly speaking. I mean, I don't consider the world wide web as part of the real world. I mean, if you ask me the world wide web is just an artificial world people who are so damn bored with life go to as a temporary cure to severe boredom. Well, maybe that's why when it comes to make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online I end up saying it in another way and it's that I'm living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room. I mean, I'm thinking the only time I can say that I'm finally living my dream as a writer in the real world everybody knows is when each and every person in the real world already has a copy of my book in print if they want a tangible one or a copy of my e-book if they opt so. Hmm, let's just say for now I have to live in this artificial world which is the world wide web as I am make-believing that I am working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards being an established writer someday. I mean, as an advice my high school friend gave me she said that I have to start somewhere. Hmm, I guess keeping my blog updated is my own way of starting somewhere. LOL.

Giving Up On Something

Hey, it doesn't mean that I'm giving up my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist someday I'm not gonna sing anymore. LOL. I mean, I guess I have every right to sing my lungs out whenever I feel like singing, right? Oh, not to mention that I'm not that fond of singing with a microphone so most likely my voice won't boom out of the house. Hmm, can you catch my drift or am I writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand what the heck I am talking about? LOL. Oh, my dream to be a writer still lives on and it seems like it will never fade away. By the way, I'm thinking of dropping the idea of turning my blog into a professional looking book so it seems like signing up on a website and downloading the software that can help me turn my blog into a blog book from the said website will go into waste. Well, never mind.

I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my life from now on. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? Oh, did I say “life”? Damn, how can I say that when if I think it over I don't have a “life”? LOL. Hmm, so why won't I rephrase it? Okay, I think I should have said I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between from now on. Hmm, I guess that's much better. LOL. So I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days and I guess I need to remind myself over and over again that it's supposed to entertain me and not pressure the hell out of me. Well, I guess high school was not the right time to read the Fantasy book series I'm reading these days due to my bad reading comprehension. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

Oh, not to mention college 'coz up until college my reading comprehension was still as bad as ever. You know what? If I think it over I slowly learned how to read with comprehension since I had Bipolar Disorder. Well, it didn't happen overnight to learn how to understand what the heck I am reading. It took years and my reading comprehension is slowly getting better and better as the years pass by. Well, my Bipolar Disorder may be one of the worst if not the worst that happened in my whole damn life but I'm kind of considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder can somehow be a blessing in disguise. Oh, I realized and learned a lot since I had my Bipolar Disorder not to mention that it also gave me so much to write about. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I would not have the courage to keep a blog like what I'm doing now.

Damn, so I'm an unemployed not to mention unemployable make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't have a single penny in my pocket not to mention that I'm still dependent on my parents. It's just that I have a strong feeling that being a writer is really the right path for me and I'm praying that God is working on it to make my dream to be a writer come true someday. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL. But what if God is really working on making my dream come true?

Well, if being a writer is really what I'm meant to be then I'm not done with step one yet which is to write a book and I'm supposed to worry about the next step after I have written my book that I can consider as publishing worthy. By the way, I'm still undecided if I'll post the implicit version of “Behind the Mask” here on my blog or not. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm gonna read it again or something. I mean, you know how I usually end up forgetting what I have written in the past. LOL. You know what? I wonder what it will be like to read what I have written these days a decade from now or something. Hmm, I'm thinking that will be quite interesting. LOL. I'm living my life the best way I can the way I know how. Well, I don't know where my life is going and I guess the best thing for me to do is to put it in God's hands. Hmm, for the mean time I have my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between to document for now and amen.

Songwriting Sessions

I think it's much better for me to drop “It's a Mess by Adeline Chrystyn” but I'll still go on promoting my song “A Broken Record” the way I know how. LOL. I mean, I guess there are times in life when one has to give up on something so I decided to give up my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist someday. Well, never mind the reason why I feel like giving up on something at this point in my life. Hmm, aside from I really see no future for me in being a singer songwriter slash recording artist. I mean, I just don't have that “It” that they are looking for whatever that “It” is. Well, there's another reason but I'd rather not share it 'coz it's quite too personal not to mention that it's mental so just forget about it or something. LOL. Damn.

Oh, not to mention that it seems like the magic of those once in a blue moon songwriting sessions is gone now. Hmm, to add to that I have a funny feeling that those who have heard me sing live and in the flesh found my singing voice too annoying. LOL. So I guess it's much better for me to focus more in make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, who knows? Maybe one day a literary agent will accidentally bump into my blog, read my posts, see some potential in me, advise me to turn my blog into a book, and offer to represent my book to publishing companies. Hmm, it's just that it seems like no literary agent is stupid enough to do that. Well, who knows? What if a miracle will happen or something. Yeah, right. Whatever. LOL.

You know what? I'm kind of wondering if the internet is here to stay 'til the end of time. I mean, as they say nothing lasts forever, right? Well, I'm just wondering what is the best way to preserve my literary masterpieces or something. I mean, is it through posting it here on my blog? Or is it through having it printed on a short bond paper and book-bounded? You know what? I bumped into a website online offering services such as turning a blog into a book or something. It's just that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to avail of such service not to mention that I haven't written that much here on my blog for it to be book worthy yet. Or maybe I'll just have the pages printed on a short bond paper and have my literary masterpieces book-bounded someday. Well, I don't really know. I guess I need to give myself some time to think about it. Well, never mind.

Oh, not to mention that it really sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough through writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Well, I tried to research for writing jobs online. It's just that all my efforts went into waste. Hmm, it seems like it's also not the right time for me to join a writing workshop. Well, never mind asking why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. I guess all I can do for now is to keep on updating my blog the best way I can without knowing where what I'm doing goes. Damn, I wonder if will it go somewhere. LOL.

Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. By the way, I'm still running seventy-one percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Well, I have been reading the same book for a week now. LOL. It's just sad that it will take some time before I will be able to watch the last twenty-five percent of the movie installments of this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Well, so here I go talking to myself all over again. LOL. Oh, you just don't have any idea how talking to one's self helps. I'm still gonna do whatever I can to keep my blog updated which is not an easy thing to do, mind you. By the way, I was able to browse through the classified ads section of a Sunday newspaper if I'm not mistaken last weekend. Well, there's nothing for me there. Hmm, why won't I do things my own way or something? I mean, if you ask me I prefer to write a book first and then send it to literary agents as a first step to achieving my dream to be a writer someday. Well, as I've said if self-publishing is an option then I'm not that rich to self-publish so I guess it's much better for me to drop the idea and that's an amen. LOL.

Right Track Still Unknown

Hmm, I wonder if the lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” that I uploaded on my video sharing website's channel carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know and I don't know when will I ever find out. LOL. Oh, nothing much has changed 'coz I'm still clueless on which path to take in the real world everybody knows. Well, it's either I'll go back job hunting or go back to school. Damn, why can't I just start earning my own dough by writing in the real world everybody knows or something. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. It's just that it seems like such is likely an inch away from impossible. Damn it.

Hey, I'm thinking of not religiously updating my blog in the coming days. I mean, if I do the Math it seems like I'm spending too much on internet load since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” online without earning anything out of it. Well, I'm thinking it was just some sort of adrenaline rush last July that's why I was able to write a lot during my birthday month. Oh, I'm still thinking of coming up with artworks here at home and selling those online. I mean, it seems like the only clear talent God gave me is my talent to make drawings. Well, I guess so.

Well, problem is it's been ages since I made a drawing and it seems like my talent to make drawings is now a bit rusty or something so I guess it's much better for me to go and give some time to polish my talent in making drawings from now on or what. Hmm, another problem is I literally don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy myself a sketchpad, some pencils, and some coloring materials. Damn, I don't know why I'm so into art may it be the art of making drawings, the art of writing and singing songs, and the art of making literary masterpieces. I mean, if I'm not mistaken both my parents are not into arts 'coz both of them are more inclined to business. LOL. Well, I don't consider myself as an artist. I'm just an artist-wanna-be. LOL.

I wonder what would it be like if I took a course related to arts for college. I'm wondering if will I still have this disorder I have now. Well, I don't really know and I guess there's no point for me to think too much about it. I mean, I don't wanna waste too much time and energy on regrets anymore. I guess the best thing for me to do is to look at the bright side or something. Well, I guess that's where my fear of failure took me and I guess the best thing to do is to learn from it.

I remember my song “Sand Castles” 'coz there are lines in that song that go something like “I don't know where this song is going. All I know is I'll keep on writing. I know sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all.” Damn, I really like my twelve-song-acapella-record-album “It's a Mess”. I consider “It's a Mess” as my greatest achievement in life so far. LOL. Well, problem is I don't know when will I ever be able to come up with another “It's a Mess”. Well, who knows?

I feel like I don't belong in the corporate world. I feel like I don't have the brains and the heart to be a teacher. Oh, I'm thinking of joining a writing workshop one of these days. Well, I don't know when but hopefully soon. Hmm, as they say there's no such thing as an overnight success. Hey, I have been dreaming to be a writer since I was eight and I have been dreaming to be a singer songwriter since I was eleven. It's just that I knew how to draw since the day I learned how to hold a pencil. Now, I guess that's the big difference. Hmm, I don't know if artists are born or made and I don't know which one am I. I'm thinking what's left for me to do right now is to make a choice, right? It's choosing to be normal in this normal world I live in or is it choosing to challenge the impossible. What if I'll choose to challenge the impossible? Well, I don't know.

On second thought, I guess it's much better for me to be satisfied with living my dream as a frustrated singer songwriter on a video sharing website and living my dream as a frustrated writer on a blog site. I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. If I'm not mistaken in my blog post “Unwanted” I wrote “in an confusing way” instead of “in a confusing way”. I mean, it's supposed to be “a” and not “an”. Well, a part of me wants to change and correct that mistake. It's just that there's also a part of me who wants to leave it as it is. I don't know with me. Well, I guess it's not the only mistake I made in this blog or something so no worries. LOL.

Harmless Stalker

It sucks to drop by some of my crushes' profiles on a social networking site only to find out that one is married and the other one is in a long time relationship. Hmm, it seems like the married one now has a kid with his wife and the one who is in a long time relationship will possibly be getting married soon. I mean, he's been in a relationship with his girlfriend for more or less six years and two months now so I guess what's missing in their relationship at this point is simply a wedding. Damn, the mere thought of it is killing me. LOL. I wish them all the best though. LOL.

I mean, most of my crushes don't have a single clue that I exist. I'm not a part of their lives and they are not a part of mine aside from being my crushes and that's pretty much it. Well, the fanatic in me is somehow resurfacing all over again and I wanna add some of my crushes on my official account on a social networking site. It's just that I'm thinking I'd rather not push through with it. I mean, I guess it's time for me to outgrow from being a stalker or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that seeing them happy with someone else is such a pain in the heart. Damn. LOL.

Hmm, this is somewhat an off topic but I'll write it down anyway. I mean, I came to wonder what's worse. Is it doing all you can to turn someone off but no matter how you try that person is still into you? Or is it doing all you can to turn someone on but no matter how you try that person is still not into you? Oh, now I remember my song “Waiting for Nothing”. Hmm, I uploaded that song on a video sharing website's channel carrying my unofficial pen name “Adeline McSunday”.

Well, as I've said I don't have a new crush as of the moment. I mean, my latest crush is that Turkish guy I met on a social networking site during graduate school. Nope, I didn't drop by his profile on a social networking site lately. Actually, I only dropped by the profiles of two of my crushes recently. I call the married one with a kid as “Where's-Your-Teacher?” and never mind the story behind it 'coz I don't feel like sharing then the one who is in a long time relationship is no other than Animé. Damn, it's been ages since I last seen them in person. Hmm, never mind.

Oh, in a micro-blogging website I followed a male celebrity crush of mine who has the same first name as Animé. He's a professional basketball player wearing jersey number seventeen and a celebrity all at the same time. Hmm, it seems like I have given enough clue for you to figure out who he is, huh? LOL. I guess it's safe to say that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is my ideal kind of guy or something. I wonder if I'll ever find someone like him. Well, I don't really know. Who knows?

Well, I guess at this point in my life I'm just up to having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I may the daydream be a happy ending one or a tragic one. LOL. I'm not really the type who enters into a boy-girl relationship anyway. I mean, I'm such a loner since time in memorial. LOL. Oh, not to mention that it seems like my peg these days is what they call on a micro-blogging website as “Forever Alone”. LOL. Well, I guess that's life and that's an amen.

I'm thinking I guess it's time for me to outgrow from being a stalker or something and call my stalking days over. It's just that I have the tendency to change my mind from time to time so I won't add a period to that. Oh, out of boredom I came up with a quote one time and it goes like this. “Dear Bitches, you belong with jerks. Dear Girls, you belong with boys. Dear Women, you belong with men. Dear Crush, you belong with ME!” LOL. I don't know why but I find that one a bit funny though a part of me thinks it doesn't make any sense at all. LOL. I meant that one as a joke and not anything else or whatever. Hmm, I don't know if someone else will find that one funny too. Hey, I think that's a good one to tweet on a micro-blogging website or something.

Unwanted

I came across a quote one time saying something like “I'd rather be disliked for who I am than be liked for who I'm not.” Hmm, I'm thinking that does make some sense, right? Well, as I've said I'm not perfect. I'm not a saint. I'm only human. I got my own monsters. I'm thinking of reading everything I wrote on my blog so far and try to figure out if have I said something wrong. I mean, is there something wrong with being too candid and writing in my own perspective? Damn, I really need some feedback from someone out there. Well, I asked a friend to read all my blog posts and for her to tell me her honest opinion after reading. It's just that it seems like she read the wrong blog. Hmm, I don't really know. She hasn't replied to my latest messages or something.

It sucks when I'm having fun here coming up with blog posts for the sake of keeping my blog and living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room and here comes the thought that maybe there are some people out there who has nothing else to do in life but take what I wrote the wrong way and put their own colours to my literary masterpieces. Well, it's just a thought or a funny feeling. I don't really know if someone out there who has read my blog posts took what I wrote the wrong way. Or maybe it's my psychotic mind resurfacing all over again. Well, news is it ain't happening 'coz my medicines are doing pretty well these days. Never mind.

So it seems like being misinterpreted comes along with being an aspiring writer, huh? Well, if I ever do have readers I'd like to suggest that if one reads my blog then it's much better to read every single word and don't do any speed reading 'coz if one speed reads then most likely it will be easy for that person to take what I wrote the wrong way. Hmm, I'm not asking my readers if I ever do have some to study my literary masterpieces the way they study Shakespeare. LOL. Well, what I'm trying to point out is I hope they will refrain from taking what I wrote the wrong way. Hey, I'm writing 'coz I also just plainly want to express myself and that's pretty much it. Okay?

Well, not to mention that if one doesn't really know the whole story then it's much better for one to keep one's damn mouth shut. I mean, there are times when I end up only writing the tip of the iceberg and I came to think maybe some readers out there can't help come up with the rest of the story with their wild imagination which is quite annoying. Well, I guess it seems like it's part of being an aspiring writer so I better just learn how to live with it and that's an amen. On second thought I'm not really a native English speaker so maybe there are times when I end up expressing what I want to say in a confusing way or something like that. Hmm, I guess so.

Well, I guess what matters most is I do understand what I wrote, right? On second thought maybe I don't really know if I really do have readers so it's quite hard for me to think of those who are on the other side of the coin. I'm asking feedback from friends now so I can somehow know what they think of my literary masterpieces and so that I can improve my style of writing or something. Damn, who would bother to read my blog posts anyway? Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with asking for someone else's opinion. I just hope I'll be able to get some honest opinions.

As I've said I want to write a blog for light reading and not a blog with a heavy atmosphere. I guess it's time for me to face my fear of rejection. I mean, as the saying goes “You can't please everybody the same way everybody can't please you.” Well, all I know is I never meant to cause trouble to anyone. Oh, as they say that the people who come into your life are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I guess those who came into my life for a reason has served their purpose and those who came into my life for a season have reached the end of their contract period. LOL.

I don't really know what other people think about me and I guess the best thing to do is not to care. Well, all I know is I'm doing my thing and I'm not interfering as other people are doing their thing. Hey, I'm living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room so what can be any better than that? LOL. Oh, I forgot that my baby is slowly depreciating so it seems like me living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room will soon come to an end. Well, as they say that it's part of growing up. Hmm, never mind. LOL.

A Letter to My Dearest Diary

I had thoughts of starting to write a diary on my 25^th Birthday. It's just that I decided to drop the idea 'coz I realized that every time I go and write a diary I only end up playing with words which is not good. On second thought what am I gonna write in my diary anyway considering the fact that there's nothing much going on in my super boring life. I'm thinking I'll only end up writing about my thoughts and my feelings or stuffs that don't make any sense at all in between. LOL.

Hmm, I don't know if there's something wrong with me being too candid or what? Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to not care of what other people think about me and just do my thing. I mean, at this point in my life I'm being who I want and choose to be anyway. Hey, I'm living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room. So what can be any better than that? LOL. Damn, if I can only spend the rest of my life earning my own dough by writing in the real world everybody knows then it will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. It's just that it seems like I don't have that “It” they are talking about. LOL.

Well, the sad news is my baby is sick and there's a possibility that me living my dream as a frustrated writer will come to an end. Damn, so this is the downside of being unemployed. It's just that I have this funny feeling that I'm unemployable. Well, there are even times when I can't help wonder if God made a mistake in placing me in this part of the Universe or something. I'm thinking maybe I was supposed to be born in another world and something went wrong that's why I ended up existing here on Earth. Hmm, don't mind me. I mean, I say stupid things sometimes.

Hmm, so from now on I'm thinking that I'll only write one blog post for each week. It's like I'm make-believing that I'm having a weekly column in a newspaper or something. LOL. Well, it's nothing new that my mind is subject to change from time to time so I won't add a period to that. LOL. I mean, as they say we only live once so we better live each day to the fullest or something. So what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? LOL. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I think I need to go online and research about possible blog topics or something. Uhm, that sounds like a good idea. LOL.

Well, on second thought maybe I'll only bump into possible blog topics asking about “Who are you?” or “How do you see yourself in five years?” or “What are your goals in life?” and what not. I mean, if you ask me I don't feel like answering those questions or something so much more coming up with a blog entry about such stuffs. Hmm, I wonder if the lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” that I uploaded on a video sharing website's channel carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” has reached a hundred views at this point. Well, I hope so. LOL.

Hmm, when it comes to my birthday wish when it comes to my lyric video of “A Broken Record” I was wishing for a thousand views on or before my birthday but it seems like what God can give me are more or less a hundred views. Well, it's like me dreaming to be a bestselling author someday and what God can give me is me make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer here online. I mean, it's not because God can't make all things possible. It's because God can see the future that's why there are prayers left unanswered. I'm thinking maybe God knows me too well and He knows that I'm not that ready to accept criticisms from people. Well, in fairness I had taste of criticisms. I mean, in a micro-blogging website someone said my song “A Broken Record” is shit and on a social networking site someone made a comment saying “ugh” which makes me think that that person is somehow disgusted with my work of art. LOL. Well, it somehow hurts but it didn't hurt that much. Hmm, maybe 'coz I'm day by day growing up. LOL.

Hmm, so here I go going off topic all over again, huh? Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. Hmm, it's still the same thing I'll only believe that there's nothing impossible in this world when the lyric video of “A Broken Record” will get a million views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. I mean, is it too much to ask? Again, the deadline will be on my next birthday. If it's not happening then I'll take it as a sign that it's much better for me to forget about my dream to one day be a singer songwriter and come up with a real studio record album with live instruments sounding a little bit pop, alternative, punk, and rock. If I'll get a million views then maybe I'll go and get a guitar and turn my twelve-song-acapella-record-album “It's a Mess” into a twelve-song-acoustic-record-album and I guess that's an amen. Hmm, I guess there's nothing wrong with asking for a sign from above, right? LOL.