Something to Write About

I'm writing too much these days. Well, I don't know with me. You know what? Actually, the real plan was I'll simply write a blog post per week so it's like make-believing that I'm writing a weekly column for a newspaper or something. Oh, speaking of newspaper I decided not to send any of my poems to a local newspaper the last time I dropped by online. Well, maybe 'coz at the back of my head this isn't the right time for me to do that. Hmm, last night I dropped by online to update my blog and then I posted on social networking sites that photo of myself wearing a dress. Well, when I dropped by online last night I decided not to promote my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on a social networking site. Hmm, not to mention that it seems like it will take some time before my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” achieves another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Damn, I'm running out of nonsense to talk about.

You know what? I think I'm just pressured to write 97,500 words of nonsense on or before the 15^th of December. Oh, not to mention that if my blog book will go through revision by an editor I think my whole page of nonsense will simply narrow down to a few sentences or a paragraph or something. LOL. Damn, it's not that easy make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I have a funny feeling that I'm really turning into a workaholic as I am keeping my blog updated from time to time. You know what? There's really nothing much to talk about. I mean, I just feel like writing so here I am coming up with another blog draft or something. LOL. Hmm, whatever.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I have a funny feeling that my readers if I ever do have some are sick and tired of reading those previous sentences over and over again in my blog drafts. LOL. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do for now is just to keep on doing what I'm doing even if I don't know if make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online is going somewhere or not. I mean, God has a plan for me and I'm praying that everything will simply fall into place someday. Well, maybe there are times these days when I feel like my life is going nowhere. Hmm, it's just that as they say God can see the future that's why there are prayers left unanswered. I mean, there's always a reason why God is making things happen in our lives. You know what? I'm thinking what if I'm really meant to be a writer in the real world everybody knows and everything that happened since I had Bipolar Disorder not to mention having this Bipolar Disorder and going through so much mental and emotional torture are God's ways of preparing me in achieving my dream to be a writer in the real world everybody knows someday.

Well, I don't really know. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. You know what? I feel like I'm really born to be an artist. Well, I don't know with me. LOL. Hmm, I know I'm not as great as Renaissance artists are. It's just that I feel more like myself whenever I express myself through arts. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I'm kind of thinking why won't I go balance work and play or something. I mean, it's not really healthy to just work most if not all of the time and just forget about unwinding or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, I'm thinking in the next few days I'll go and brainstorm for an interesting blog topic idea before coming up with a blog draft.

I mean, I'm thinking maybe my readers if I ever do have some are sick and tired of reading all the nonsense in the world that I'm babbling these days not to mention that my blog is getting more and more boring by the minute. Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. You know what? I think it'll be nice to receive some critique when it comes to my writing style. I mean, I'm just wondering what if I'm giving my readers if I ever do have some a headache whenever they read my blog drafts 'coz they just can't understand what the hell it is that I'm talking about. Hmm, maybe I'm still wondering if am I writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand or something. Well, I don't really know. Damn it. Whatever.

Fashion is Simply Not My Element

You know what? When I was younger I wanted to be tall and skinny 'coz I wanted to be a supermodel. Hmm, it's just that my bones stopped growing way back high school if I'm not mistaken and I gained a lot of weight a few months after I turned twenty-two years old if my memory serves me right. Well, I guess I better just be happy with what God gave me though products advertised on television that are promising to increase a person's height and promising to help lose a lot of a person's extra weight tend to lift my hopes high that I can still grow taller and be slimmer or something. Hmm, the problem is I just don't feel like taking the risk not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy those products to begin with. Oh, when it comes to my childhood dream of being a supermodel someday I have watched reality shows on modeling and it somehow broaden my mind making me realize that I didn't know what I was wanting to get myself into back then. I mean, it's not that easy to be a model not to mention that I don't have what it takes to be one to begin with. Oh, not to mention my physical features. LOL.

You know what? While growing up I'm not really that fond of clothes. I mean, a shirt and pants will do and I'm good to go. Well, I guess fashion is simply not my element or something. LOL. Hmm, it's just that it seems like the frustrated supermodel in me is resurfacing from time to time these days or something. I mean, at some point there are times when I feel like mixing and matching the clothes I have, take photos of myself wearing those clothes I mixed and matched, and create a “LookBook” online or something. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, actually that's what I have been trying to do lately. LOL. It's just that it seems like the insecure bitch in me is somewhat resurfacing or something. I mean, I tried to mix and match some of my clothes and when I look at the mirror I think I look okay. It's just that when I look at myself with my laptop's webcam I look short and plump or something and it's somehow making my spirit low or what.

Well, a few minutes before writing this blog draft I decided to wear this dress and take photos of myself wearing this dress with my laptop's webcam. Well, actually those weren't really photos to begin with since my laptop's webcam doesn't have a continuous shot feature or something. Hmm, so what I did is I set my laptop's webcam to video mode and took a video of myself wearing that dress I was wearing a while ago. Well, I did an experiment on different postures until I was satisfied with those postures or something. Hmm, then I played back the video hoping to find a shot of myself that looks pleasant and when I found a shot of myself which I look pleasant I paused the video and did some print screen then I did some paste on the Paint application then cropped the shot of my own figure and then saved it. Hmm, can you picture out what I'm trying to say or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? Well, so I guess that's much it. LOL.

Hmm, I'm thinking of posting that photo of myself wearing that dress on social networking sites. Well, I don't know with me. I mean, not to mention that it's been a while since I posted something on my social networking accounts. I mean, I was thinking of dropping by a professional photo studio to have a photo of myself by a professional photographer as a remembrance of what I look like at this stage of my life. Well, it's just that it seems like I can't do that for now not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do such so maybe that's why I made the most out of the resources I have which is my laptop's webcam or something. Hmm, let's just say it's the artist wanna-be in me resurfacing all over again and this photo of myself wearing this dress is a way of expressing myself or something. Oh, not to mention that I did some editing on the photo. LOL. Well, if I'll ever post this photo of myself wearing this dress on social networking sites at least I am able to live my dream as a frustrated supermodel even just inside the four walls of my room, right? Oh, not to mention that fashion is also a means of self-expression. Hmm, I think so.

I'm Imperfect in My Own Way

As they say nobody is perfect and I guess the best thing for me to do is just to live with that reality. Well, I know I'm not perfect. I mean, I'm thinking it will take me forever if I try to enumerate my imperfections. Hmm, it's just that as they say what makes an artwork more beautiful are its imperfections and I am one of God's work of art not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed. Damn, I'm just trying to make some sense here. Well, it's just that it doesn't really feel like me. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? You know what? I dropped by a blog of a female celebrity the last time I dropped by online and read some of her blog entries not to mention checking out the photos she posted. Well, when I read her blog entries I was thinking like the way she writes is what somebody can call as English. Hmm, on second thought she's a hybrid and grew up in an English speaking country or something. Well, what I'm trying to say is reading that female celebrity's blog entries made me wonder all over again if am I writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, so what is this blog draft supposed to be about? Well, if I'm not mistaken it's supposed to be about me being imperfect in my own way. Hmm, I guess so. Well, I guess this is just the way that I write and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. I mean, I guess writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand is what sets me apart from everyone else or something. Well, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Oh, I'm thinking here comes the feeling of insecurity when it comes to my ability to write. I mean, it's like some inferiority complex 'coz I feel like I bumped into a female celebrity blogger who writes like Shakespeare or something. Damn, I don't really know if have I grown as a writer or what. LOL.

Well, I read the online articles about how to make a living out of writing that came out of my online research the last time I dropped by online. Hmm, it's just that it seems like those online articles aren't helping at all. You know what? I really wasn't able to receive any critique when it comes to my writing style. Hmm, I'm thinking I write running sentences or something. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Well, English isn't really my mother tongue. I mean, I began learning English in school, by reading pocket books and novels in English, by watching television shows and movies in English. Well, I have to say that there are times when I read pocket books and novels in English I find it quite a challenge to picture out what I'm reading. Hmm, maybe it's my bad reading comprehension or something. Hmm, there are also times when I can't understand what the characters in television shows and movies in English are saying. I mean, maybe it's my bad listening comprehension or something. Hmm, if you catch my drift.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I'm thinking trying to make some sense in my blog drafts isn't just me so I guess it's much better for me to just be the amateur writer who doesn't make any sense that I am. Hmm, I think there's nothing wrong with it or something. I mean, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Hmm, I'm thinking of reading my blog drafts properly before posting those on my blog to minimize the typographic errors. Well, I'm just trying to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and all I can do for now is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday and that's an amen.

So Nothing Much to Talk About

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I have a funny feeling that I'm not really meant to land a good paying job as an office staff or employee in a company. I mean, all I wanna do these days is to write a book and make a living out of writing. Well, I don't know if being a blogger online is really going somewhere so much more that I don't even know if this blog book that I'm writing will make it as a bestseller. Oh, not to mention that I don't know if I'm diving head first with the steps I'm taking toward a career in writing. You know what? I'm thinking there's really no harm in sending my literary masterpieces to literary agents. I mean, as they say that there's no harm in trying. Well, I'm thinking maybe it's my fear of failure holding me back all over again or what.

You know what? I'm thinking maybe for now I'm simply an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, it's just that who knows maybe in the near future I'll be the next bestselling author who wrote a bestselling book or something. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering if sending the lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper is a good idea or not. By the way, I read in an online article that if I dream to be a published writer I need to learn how to think about my readers if I ever do have some. Oh, not to mention that I'm thinking if my blog book will be given the chance to be a published book then it will have to go through revision by an editor. You know what? If you ask me I opt for my blog book to stay the way it is. I mean, I consider my blog book as a work of art and I don't like the idea of it going through revision. Well, maybe I'm thinking where's my freedom of expression if some editor will go and edit my work of art or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. I mean, I'm just saying. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking why won't I just keep on updating my blog from time to time even if I don't even know if keeping my blog updated from time to time is going somewhere or not. Well, it sucks to be unemployed not to mention that it sucks even more to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Oh, not to mention that as the normal pattern in life for normal people dictates I should be providing for my own self at this point in my life. You know what? I'm thinking maybe God gave me this Bipolar Disorder in order to prepare me in being a writer or something. Oh, not to mention that I'm wondering if coming up with a script, a collection of my own poems, and a collage the summer before college signs from God that I'm meant to be an artist. It's just that I was so dumb not to figure it out back then. Or maybe I just subconsciously chose to be normal.

You know what? I may be thinking of giving job hunting another try. It's just that if I think it over I'm sick and tired of sending resumés to employers and going through job interviews not to mention that I'll most probably get a “Thank you for coming.” and “We will call you.” after the job interview when those phrases are simply another way of saying that I'm not qualified and that I better not keep my hopes high 'coz it's unlikely that a call from the employer will come or something. You know what? I'm thinking of sending my literary masterpieces to literary agents by December. I mean, I guess it's worth giving it a try, right? Well, I asked for a sign. It's just that I think that sign I'm asking for isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? I guess it's time for me to forget about my fear of failure. Damn, I wonder what it will be like to spot a copy of my book on the shelves of bookstores. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Well, there's nothing wrong with dreaming anyway. Damn, what am I saying?

More Super Boring by the Minute

You know what? It seems like my blog is getting more and more boring by the minute. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. By the way, I googled “Bipolar Disorder” and “Personality Disorder” on a search engine when I dropped by online a few hours ago. Oh, not to mention that when I checked my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” I bumped into a comment saying or actually asking why I'm spamming a social networking site by promoting my lyric video or something. Well, if that netizen thinks that I'm spamming or something then I guess there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, all I know is I'm just promoting my lyric video on a social networking site wishing for it to achieve a thousand views as a Christmas wish or make the views a million. LOL. By the way, it's not really a big deal if I'm such a boring person living such a super boring life not to mention keeping a blog that's getting more and more super boring by the minute. I mean, it's been that way since time in memorial. Hmm, I guess I'm just designed this way and I better just live with it. Damn it. LOL.

Oh, not to mention that I also googled social networking sites for aspiring writers. By the way, I forgot to send the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I really don't know if what I'm doing these days is going somewhere. Well, it's just that for now make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online is all that I can do. Damn, I don't really know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? There are times when I feel like reading everything that I have written since the day I learned how to write. Well, I don't know with me. Oh, not to mention that noticing how my handwriting changes as the years pass by can be fun too. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, how many times do I have to keep on asking that question? Well, I don't know with me. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Well, so I think I'm gonna go and read what came out of my online research after coming up with this blog draft. You know what? I came to think why won't I write a novel about somebody with a Personality Disorder. Hmm, if a novel is too ambitious then why won't I write a short story about it perhaps or something. I mean, I think writing a short story about somebody with a Personality Disorder is my own way of starting somewhere or something. Well, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, I don't really know. I mean, I may be an imaginative mind but I'm not really a creative writer not to mention that I also forgot how to build characters and come up with dialogues. You know what? I feel like someone who wasted one's talent or talents or something.

Oh, if I'm not mistaken I heard somebody said that if God gives you a talent and you don't use it then He's gonna take that talent away from you and give it to somebody else who will make the most out of the said talent. Damn, which reminds me that it's been a long while since I made a drawing. Oh, not to mention that I was thinking of buying some sketchpad, pencils, and coloring materials a few weeks ago so that I can polish my talent in drawing 'coz it seems to be rusty these days. Hmm, it's just that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to buy the materials I need in order to polish my talent in drawing. You know what? I'm thinking one of the many reasons why I didn't take up a course in college that's related to arts 'coz I was scared to have an inferiority complex. Oh, not to mention the fear of failure. I mean, what if I took Fine Arts major in Painting for college and all I know is to make typical drawings or typical sketches inspired by Japanese Animation Characters then I'll end up bumping into classmates who know how to paint like Renaissance artists do. Damn, won't that be such a pain in the heart? Yeah, I thought so. Damn it.

As Simple As Writing Candidly

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm wondering when am I gonna start making some sense in my blog drafts or what. Hmm, on second thought I'm not keeping this blog to fill it up with blog posts that make sense anyway. LOL. Well, it's just that I have to say that make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online even if I'm mostly writing a bunch of nonsense is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe some creatures out there will find my literary masterpieces as rubbish. Well, it's just that I'm also considering the thought that some people out there may find some sense in my literary masterpieces though I'm not keeping my hopes high. LOL. Hmm, as for me keeping my blog updated from time to time is my own way of living my life to the fullest or something. Damn it.

You know what? I'm kind of thinking what if the present generation isn't ready to embrace my literary masterpieces or something for the main reason that the present generation just can't relate to it. Hmm, so I'm kind of wondering will the future generation take my literary masterpieces the same way or things will be a whole lot different. Well, I don't really know. Hey, I'm not that tween and teenage girl anymore who daydreams to conquer the world. LOL. I mean, thanks to my Bipolar Disorder for somehow giving me a reality check. LOL. Hmm, I don't know why God designed me to be a silent type kind of person in person not to mention a loner since time in memorial in person. Well, maybe in my blog I'm noisy and a silent kind of noise that is but when people are around me in person I'm most of the time silent and seems to be drifting in my own world or something. Hmm, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. Well, let's just say that's one of my traits that makes me unique from everyone else.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess there's really such thing as a generation gap and I have a funny feeling that I'm born in the wrong generation or something. LOL. Hmm, so it seems like the present generation seems to not understand my literary masterpieces and I'm kind of wondering what if the future generation will. Well, it's just that there's a possibility that my time in this world of the living is up when that time comes. LOL.

You know what? I'm kind of wondering if the world wide web is here to stay forever or not. I mean, I still haven't figured out what is a better way to preserve my thoughts or something. You know what? I'm thinking the best way to preserve my thoughts is by being a published writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, if my book will get published or something generations after generations will get the chance to read my published book and it will somehow make my thoughts immortal or something. Hmm, so it's like even if my time in this world of the living is up I continue to live on through my literary masterpieces. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

It's just that I'm thinking of keeping that divine guidance I'm asking for in mind before anything else. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending the lyrics of “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper. Well, maybe I will or maybe I won't. I don't really know. You know what? I'm also thinking of joining a writing workshop. It's just that it seems like it's not possible for now so I'm thinking of joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers. Well, on second thought isn't this blog site where I'm keeping my blog a social networking site for bloggers? Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

I'm Unique in My Own Way

You know what? I haven't met somebody who has the same wavelength as I do. Oh, not to mention that I'm kind of wondering what will those people I met in person think if ever they get the chance to read my literary masterpieces since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. Well, I'm thinking maybe some of them will think that I have changed or that they hardly knew me at all. You know what? If you ask me I still feel like the same person. Well, I guess the only difference is I'm learning how to deal with my insecurities not to mention my personal issues and I'm learning how to express myself fearlessly by means of blogging not to mention conquering my fears in order to reach for my dream to be a writer someday. Oh, and I almost forgot that one of the major changes is that I have to deal with my Bipolar Disorder for the rest of my life. However, I'm still this daydreamer who lives in her own world most of her life.

You know what? It was so easy for me to master the art of deadma before I had Bipolar Disorder. It's just that problem is since I had Bipolar Disorder mastering the art of deadma became quite a challenge on my part. Hmm, I have a theory in my mind. It's just that don't bother asking what that theory is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Well, good news is I'm learning how to master the art of deadma these days and I'm doing good so far so I'm praying and hoping that my psychotic mind won't drop by and ruin everything. Oh, I'm still considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder is a blessing in disguise. You know what? I'm kind of thinking what happened when I was nineteen years old is that all my repressed thoughts and feelings since I learned how to think emerged in my consciousness and then I had some sort of personal crisis or something. Well, I'm thinking of looking at the bright side of things. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog draft as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is a stepping stone towards my dream of becoming a writer someday not to mention the good changes that I mentioned earlier that came along with it.

By the way, I decided to continue reading this book about dreams and what dreamers end up doing just to make their dreams come true. I mean, I don't feel like reading the rest of my sister's latest batch of secondhand books and it seems like I can't drop by a bookstore to buy a new book any time soon not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, so I'm thinking of reading all over again all the books in my mini-library to make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. Damn, I don't know if have I grown as a writer or what. You know what? I can honestly just spend the rest of my life make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, the downside is I won't be able to know what it's like to start earning my own dough or something. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Hmm, what am I saying? Damn it.

Well, the problem is even if I'll learn how to master the art of deadma everything will never be the same again. Oh, on second thought if other creatures will learn how to just leave me alone to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and mind their own beeswax then I think mastering the art of deadma won't be that much of a challenge anymore. Hmm, it's just that even if such thing happens things will still never be the same again. I mean, it's like a wound leaving a scar or something. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL. You know what? I have my own life here to live though there are times when I wish I was never born in this world or something. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still clueless why was I ever born in this world to begin with. Hmm, so for now all I can be is an unemployed not to mention unemployable young adult make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and that's an amen. Damn it.

Scribble It Down My Own Style

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I found out that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is engaged or shall I say getting married in a funny way via social networking site. I mean, it was my high school friend who posted an article about it as a status update and then she wrote something like “I thought true love waits but why didn't you wait for me?” then she tagged her sister if I'm not mistaken. Well, those weren't the exact words not to mention that my high school friend wrote it in mixed language. Hmm, I just translated it in English though I'm not so sure if I translated it the right way. LOL. Well, on the other hand when I found out that Mr. Jacob has a crush on this female music artist via a micro-blogging website I was slightly jealous which is nothing unusual. LOL. Well, who am I in their lives anyway? I mean, I'm just a mere fan and nothing but a fan not to mention that they don't even know that I exist. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I'm wondering what kind of readers do I want for my blog. Well, I remember I once said something like “What is a writer without a reader?” That does make some sense, right? Well, I want readers who take things lightly in life. I want readers who will most likely not make a big deal out of little things. I want readers who don't over-think what they have read. Do you get me? Why am I talking about having readers when I obviously have none? LOL. I mean, for now. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess it's much better for me not to think of readers if I ever do have some. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to write for the sake of writing or something. Hmm, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. You know what? I think writing a novel is just not my niche so I guess it's much better for me to just drop the idea of giving being a creative writer a shot or something. Hmm, damn it.

Well, on second thought I think it's not such a bad idea to step out of my comfort zone and try to write a novel or something. Hmm, the problem is I'm not that creative anymore plus it seems like I have forgotten what it's like to build characters and come up with dialogues. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so I guess the best thing for me to do is just to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. You know what? I don't know if I'll get the sign I'm asking for or not when it comes to pursuing my dream as a writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, I really find it ideal to start earning my own dough by writing or something. Oh, did I say it's much better for me to just write for the sake of writing? Well, I don't really know with me. Damn it. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between?

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, and now I'm thinking somebody will reply to that and say something like why won't I keep my mouth shut then. LOL. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, I guess I'm just a bit pressured to write 97,500 words of nonsense on or before the 15^th of December 2013 even if it's unlikely that I will send my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents or something. I mean, it seems like the sign I'm asking for is not coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? I'm sounding like a broken record saying the same things over and over again. Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, I don't really know why I'm writing too much lately. Well, all I know is I'm trying to live each and every day of my life to the fullest the way I know how. Hmm, so I guess the dream still lives on, huh?

Not a Bit Sense of Humor in Me

Hmm, so I'm done reading this end-of-the-world inspired book with a twist of humor in it. Well, I'm kind of thinking twice if I'll write a book review or am I just gonna keep my damn mouth shut. LOL. Oh, not to mention that my reading comprehension was so bad while reading the book so it's nothing new that I wasn't able to picture out most of what I read. Okay, so I'm gonna write down what I think of this book that I'm talking about. Well, I don't know with me but the book failed to make me laugh. Hmm, I don't know if it's because my reading comprehension was so bad while reading the book or I just simply don't have a bit of sense of humor in me. By the way, the world did not end in the book's story. Well, the world almost ended in the book's story it's just that someone put a stop to it. You know what? I feel like dropping by a secondhand bookshop and browse for interesting books or something. Well, I'm hoping to find a quirky story 'coz as I have said it seems like I'm a graduate when it comes to reading romance novels. LOL. Whatever.

Oh, I didn't send any of my poems to a local newspaper the last time I dropped by online. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I may not have a bit of sense of humor in me but I'm not really a serious kind of person. LOL. Hmm, I'm thinking this isn't the right time to drop by a secondhand bookshop and browse for books with a quirky story. I mean, as a reader I'm not really a fan of e-books 'coz as a reader I opt for books in print. By the way, I did a research on how to be a published writer the last time I dropped by online. Well, my research led me to almost nowhere. LOL. Hmm, what I'm trying to say is what came out of the search engine's results weren't helping at all. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still far from writing 97,500 words of nonsense which means I still have a long way to go. Damn it. LOL. I mean, if you catch my drift.

Hmm, I wonder if those who print school yearbooks also print in pocket book style. Well, I don't really know. I mean, I really want my blog book to look like a professional looking book. Hmm, is it too much to ask? Well, I don't really know. Oh, didn't I ask for a sign? Hmm, it's just that it seems like my sign isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. On second thought, posting my thoughts on a blog rather than having my thoughts printed on a short bond paper can save the trees not to mention Mother Earth, right? LOL. Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm a writer in a sense that I know how to write. It's just that I'm not the kind of writer who can write a page-turner. Oh, so much more that my writing style isn't that spellbinding that readers will keep digging. Hmm, whatever.

You know what? I came to think if I buy a book first-hand in a bookstore it will cost me about hundreds of pesos. If I sell the book to someone who is running a secondhand bookshop I'll most probably be able to sell my first-hand books for thirty-five pesos per book. If I buy a book from a secondhand bookshop it will certainly cost me lesser than buying the book first-hand in a bookstore. Hmm, so I came to think if I do the Math books aren't that good of an investment. Well, that if you do the Math. Hmm, the catch is the knowledge, lessons, and not to mention the entertainment that books gave me are something priceless. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Damn, why am I doing the Math all over again? It's just that if you ask me I opt to deal with words than deal with numbers. LOL. Hmm, maybe I'm just thinking what if I'll be a published writer someday then miraculously somebody will buy a copy of my book first-hand in a bookstore then one day I'll just spot the same copy of my book in a secondhand bookshop or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, what I'm trying to say is having a copy of my book ending that way is somewhat saying that that somebody who read my book thinks that my book isn't worth keeping which will be an ouch on my part if you ask me. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

Quiet and Peaceful Life

In my blog posts “Path Towards a Career in Writing” and “Please Mind Your Own Beeswax” I wrote “quite and peaceful life” when what I really meant was “quiet and peaceful life”. I mean, I wrote “quite” instead of “quiet”. I mean, “quite” means “to a certain extent” if you consult a word processing software's dictionary and on the other hand “quiet” means “silent” or “noiseless”. Hmm, so I guess this is another example how weird the English language can be. I mean, by simply interchanging the last two letters of a word like from “quite” to “quiet” can end up in a change of meaning or something. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? LOL. Well, I'm thinking of doing some corrections the next time I get the chance to drop by online. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

You know what? I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, I'm thinking of researching about a certain topic like “Personality” perhaps and then write a blog draft about what I have learned from my research. It's just that I'm not really an article writer or something. Well, that if researching about a certain topic and writing about it is what an article writer does. Oh, not to mention that I don't really feel like trying to make some sense 'coz it seems like if I do such I'll only end up making a fool out of myself. LOL. Hmm, let's just say writing about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between is my niche and I guess keeping it that way will make the world a better place to live in. LOL. You know what? I'm kind of thinking twice if I'll push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents. On second thought I really find it ideal to start making a living out of writing. I mean, I don't really belong in the corporate world not to mention that I'm unemployable. Damn it.

Hey, why won't I ask for a sign? Okay, so I won't push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents by the time I have written 97,500 words of nonsense. I think I'm gonna simply keep on updating my blog from time to time as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, so the sign will be if a literary agent will be able to drop by my blog, will read my posts, will end up liking it, will send me a message advising to turn my blog into a book, and will offer to represent my blog book to publishing companies then that's the time I'll push through with being an established writer in the real world everybody knows. Well, it seems like the sign won't be coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life so I guess it's much better for me to keep on living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room by make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online.

Oh, I didn't send any of my poems to a local newspaper. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, maybe I will the next time I get the chance to drop by online or maybe I won't. Hmm, I don't really know. You know what? I like my hair the way it is even if it's wavy and messy not to mention witch-like. LOL. Oh, I like it better when my hair is black too. Damn, why am I talking about my hair? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, maybe 'coz I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about and talking about my hair just popped out of my head. LOL. Damn, being an amateur writer online is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. I mean, it's not easy to write a whole page of nonsense when the same thing can be said in a few sentences or a paragraph instead. Hmm, if you can catch my drift? LOL. Well, I guess this is just my writing style and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. I mean, as they say each and everyone of us is unique in our own way or something. Well, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Oh, not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed.

Keep My Damn Mouth Shut

Damn, how many times do I have to remind myself that when I don't really know the whole story then it's much better for me to keep my damn mouth shut? Oh, not to mention that I'm sick and tired of coming up with what-ifs. You know what? I'd probably be able to write a novel out of my what-ifs or something. LOL. Hmm, it's just that problem is I don't really know how to put into writing whatever that is that's playing in my wild imagination so I guess it's much better for me to just drop the idea of writing a novel out of my what-ifs. LOL. You know what? Even if I have grown to dislike watching television since I had Bipolar Disorder I have to say that I somehow am able to learn a lot of lessons from watching television while growing up. Oh, I'm not really a movie person when I was younger and even up to now. I mean, I often only get the chance to watch movies these days is when old movies are aired on any of the national television stations in this country where I live in. As a matter of fact I can only count with my fingers the number of times I went into a cinema to watch a movie. Well, what can you expect from a home buddy?

I'm thinking stories told through books, television shows, movies, and whatever form of storytelling aren't just for entertainment purposes only 'coz those stories can also teach us lessons in life or something. Damn, I wonder what kind of lesson are my readers if I ever do have some are gonna get through reading my blog posts or something. LOL. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe it's not to blab one's ignorance and stupidity on the world wide web or what. LOL. Well, on second thought I'm carrying a pen name anyway so no one aside from friends knows the girl behind this blog. Hmm, so I'm thinking another lesson could be if one can't help blab one's ignorance and stupidity on the world wide web then it's much better to carry a pen name for one's own good or something. LOL. By the way, I decided not to continue reading that book about dreams. Hmm, never mind the reason why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Well, I have to say that that book about dreams is a good read though. It's just that I don't think it's a good idea to read it these days. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL.

Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. You know what? I guess it's much better for me to live in the present and stop being such a prisoner of the past or what. I mean, I am given the chance to reach for my dream as a writer these days and I guess for now that's what matters. Hmm, sometimes I can't help thinking that maybe this Bipolar Disorder I have is a blessing in disguise. Well, as they say the best thing to do for each and every one of us is to count one's blessings and not one's troubles. Oh, I guess I have mentioned countless of times that this kind of head God gave me may be a blessing at times but there are also times that this kind of head God gave me turns into a curse and I guess the best thing to do is to be okay with what God gave me.

You know what? I really don't know what else to talk about. Hmm, I guess I'm running out of nonsense out here or something. LOL. Well, I'm kind of wondering if daydreaming is a waste of time or what not to me mention that I'm a daydreamer since time in memorial. Hmm, my daydreams aren't really that unique. Well, I'm thinking most if not all of my daydreams were influenced by the kind of environment I'm surrounded with and everything that comes along with it. Hmm, am I making some sense here or what? Well, I don't really know. Oh, not to mention that almost the same plot happens in my daydreams strictly speaking. I guess it's just a matter of which of my crushes played the main character in my daydreams and the rest of the characters including myself played the same role or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn it.

Brand New Gadget to Save For

I'm saving in my coin bank in ten pesos coin denomination these days. Hmm, I'm wondering if when my savings are enough am I gonna spend it to have my literary masterpieces printed on a short bond paper and book-bounded, buy a brand new camera phone, or buy a brand new digital camera. Well, I'm gonna think over each and every option. Hmm, if I'll have my literary masterpieces printed on a short bond paper and book-bounded I'm thinking it's not really that necessary not to mention that I'm gonna end up wasting a lot of papers and ink plus the cover of the book so to save the trees and not to mention Mother Earth I think I better just drop the idea. LOL. Well, I know there's really nothing like flipping the pages of the book but having my literary masterpieces printed on a short bond paper and book-bounded is still far from having my blog book look like a professional looking book or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

Hmm, so let's talk about saving for a brand new camera phone. Well, a mobile phone is really pointless if you ask me. I mean, I'm not really the type who calls friends and talk to them on the phone from time to time not to mention sending important text messages. On second thought a camera phone has a camera and an mp3 player which makes stuffs not that bad after all. I mean, if I'll opt to spend the saved dough on a digital camera I'll only get a camera and video recorder whereas if I'll opt for a camera phone it's like I'm spending for a number of gadgets rolled into a single brand new camera phone. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing? Oh, not to mention that I'm a home buddy so what kinds of scenery am I gonna capture when I'm stuck here inside the four walls of my room most of the time. Damn it.

Hmm, actually my current camera phone can still function properly. I mean, I can still make calls and send text messages through it. Well, the camera and mp3 player are working pretty well too not to mention the sound recorder. LOL. I mean, I simply need a memory card reader so that I can transfer files from my camera phone to my laptop or from my laptop to my camera phone. You know what? If I think it over I don't really need a brand new gadget, right? Well, why won't I just save in my coin bank in ten pesos coin denomination for the sake of simply saving? Oh, not to mention that my laptop is still surviving and I don't really have a single penny in my pocket to buy a new one if it ever gets fully depreciated. I mean, as long as I can type my thoughts down with my laptop and make-believe that I'm working as an amateur writer online by being a blogger then it's more than enough for me. You know what? I feel like my laptop is a friend with cancer with a few more months to live and I'm sort of making the most out of the time left with it. LOL.

Well, I don't really know if have I grown as a writer or what. Hmm, nobody gave any critique when it comes to my writing style to begin with. I mean, somebody made a comment saying my song “A Broken Record” is a prosody but I'm not talking about my songwriting style. I'm talking about my writing style in my literary masterpieces. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. You know what? It's weird how some or maybe most people only make the most out of their lives whenever there's not much time for them left. Hmm, am I making some sense here or what? Well, I don't really know when my time here in this world of the living will end. Oh, not to mention that I don't even know why I was born in this whole damn world anyway. I mean, I guess the best thing for me to do is just to live my life the best way I can the way I know how each and every single day. Hmm, I don't know where being a blogger online is going or if is it really going somewhere to begin with. Well, I don't really know if there's a bright future ahead of me when it comes to a career in writing. Damn, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

Nothing Much in My Playlist

You know what? I don't like listening to most of the songs in my mobile phone's playlist anymore. Well, don't bother asking why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. I mean, let's just say it has something to do with my head associating stuffs in an unlikeable way since I had Bipolar Disorder. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Oh, I think I have mentioned that I like the music best back when I was still in high school. Hmm, I'm more into listening to pop, alternative, punk, and rock though at times there are songs which are a hybrid of any two genres I mentioned. You know what? I'm thinking maybe that's why God didn't allow me to discover that there's such thing as a blog way back high school and posted my thoughts in a blog back then is because God doesn't want me to make a fool out of myself by means of the world wide web. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, what am I saying? LOL.

I mean, it's just that when I read my diary entries way back the last months of high school I felt like reading a diary of a stupid girl or something not to mention the many times she murdered the English language. LOL. Well, I don't know if I have grown as a writer or what. Oh, not to mention that I'm also wondering if my readers out there if I ever do have some find themselves having a trip inside a stupid girl's thoughts every time they read my blog posts. Well, I'm just wondering what if I'm making a fool out of myself by means of the world wide web by make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, and if I am making a fool out of myself I wonder why God is allowing such thing to happen at this stage of my life. Hmm, or maybe I'm thinking about stuffs like these is because I'm still wondering if am I writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand or what. Well, I don't really know.

Well, on second thought maybe I am given the chance by God to be a blogger here online is because it seems like I have grown as a writer as the years passed by and I'm not that stupid girl with stupid thoughts anymore though a lot of times these days I still don't make any sense at all. LOL. Oh, and I came to think maybe in my diary I sound stupid it's just that if my memory serves me right I did try to sound a bit mature in writing school essays back then or something. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking I'm not really born to be an intellectual 'coz I really don't have that much intellect to begin with. Hmm, that if I understand the terms “intellectual” and “intellect” correctly or am I giving a whole new meaning to the said terms. LOL. Well, if you ask me I can't really say that I'm born to be an artist as much as I want to be an artist. I mean, it seems like the artist in me is in a deep sleep these days and that it needs to be awaken plus polished in the coming days. Well, there will come a time for that 'coz as the Bible says there's always a time for everything. Hmm, why won't I focus more in being a blogger online for the mean time or what?

Damn, I wonder what will it be like to read my blog posts these days a decade from now. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, maybe that's why I don't have what it takes to be a teacher 'coz I'm not born to be an intellectual not to mention that I don't really have that much stock knowledge. LOL. Well, maybe the reason why I wanna be a teacher is because one of the few things that I learned my whole damn life is to go to school and being a teacher is not that far from being a student. Hmm, maybe at the back of my head I'm thinking being a teacher is just like being a student who is supposed to report a topic every school day or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so so much about that topic. LOL. I mean, I guess the best thing for me to do these days is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, I'm praying and hoping to be able to keep my blog going until the end of my time here in this world of the living. Damn, is it too much to ask? Hey, I'm not done with step one yet. I mean, I'm supposed to write 97,500 words of nonsense to begin with then send it to literary agents. LOL.

My Blog is for Light Reading

Well, I'd like to stress out that I want to write a blog for light reading and not a blog with a heavy atmosphere. Oh, not to mention that I'm not writing for anyone else in particular 'coz I'm writing simply to express myself and that's pretty much it. LOL. Hmm, I don't wanna be that teenage girl anymore trying her damn best to be funny when there's not a bit of sense of humor in her. LOL. Oh, and just ignore all the “LOL” in my blog posts. I mean, I'm not really laughing out loud when I write “LOL”. Hmm, I just think the paragraph looks better with a “LOL” or something. Well, let's just say it's part of the paragraph's design or something. LOL. You know what? If you ask me my blog is doing good so far and I don't want my psychotic mind to drop by and ruin everything all over again. Hmm, let's just say at this stage of my life I'm learning how to ignore issues that don't matter and just focus more on the issues that matter. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

You know what? While growing up I usually get entertained when watching television. It's just that since I had Bipolar Disorder I have grown to dislike watching television. Well, I have a hunch why. It's just that don't bother asking what that hunch is 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm running out of nonsense to talk about or something. LOL. Oh, I'm not done reading this end-of-the-world inspired book with a twist of humor in it so I guess this isn't the right time for me to come up with a book review if I ever will come up with a book review. Damn, the thought of being a guinea pig just annoys me super duper much. LOL. I mean, why can't other creatures just mind their own beeswax? Oh, not to mention that I'm not over that mind reading without a gadget whatever thing. I mean, if you know what I mean. Damn, it's difficult to explain.

Hmm, I'll give you a clue. It's either a science fiction whatever thing that went from impossible to probable to possible or it simply has something to do with magic. LOL. Oh, don't mind what I just wrote. Hmm, I guess it's my imaginative mind all over again or something. LOL. Damn, I wonder if am I such a terrible writer or something. I mean, no one really gave any critique when it comes to my writing style. Hmm, I don't really know. I mean, there are times when I feel like I'm writing in English in a manner that it's only me who can understand. LOL. Well, on second thought I guess it's much better for me not to care if the whole damn world doesn't understand me as long as I am able to understand myself, right? You know what? I'm thinking there's a whole new world out there outside television. Oh, and to add to that there's a whole new world out there outside the world wide web. Well, not to mention that that whole new world outside television and the world wide web is the real world and not an artificial one. Oh, and I'm thinking that real world is the world each and every person is supposed to live. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

Well, maybe that's why I cannot say that I have a life 'coz I don't really have a life strictly speaking. I mean, I don't consider the world wide web as part of the real world. I mean, if you ask me the world wide web is just an artificial world people who are so damn bored with life go to as a temporary cure to severe boredom. Well, maybe that's why when it comes to make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online I end up saying it in another way and it's that I'm living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room. I mean, I'm thinking the only time I can say that I'm finally living my dream as a writer in the real world everybody knows is when each and every person in the real world already has a copy of my book in print if they want a tangible one or a copy of my e-book if they opt so. Hmm, let's just say for now I have to live in this artificial world which is the world wide web as I am make-believing that I am working as an amateur writer online as a stepping stone towards being an established writer someday. I mean, as an advice my high school friend gave me she said that I have to start somewhere. Hmm, I guess keeping my blog updated is my own way of starting somewhere. LOL.

Unknowing Voice of a Teenager

Hmm, I wonder what am I gonna say to my teenage self. Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I don't regret being a loner since time in memorial. I mean, I somehow get disorders when I'm with people. LOL. Well, the downside of being a loner since time in memorial is that I wasn't able to build a strong kind of friendship with anyone I met in school which means no one really knows me like a book. Hmm, I'm thinking my friends back in school are better off without me anyway. I mean, I may not have built a strong kind of friendship with anyone but I have to say that in fairness I was able to have some friends back in school. Well, we went our separate ways after each and every graduation and my only way of knowing what's going on in their lives at present is by checking out my news feed on a social networking site which is fair enough.

Hmm, I guess in the real world everybody knows the friends I met in school only came into my life for a reason and a season. Well, it's okay. I mean, as I've said I think my friends back in school are better off without me. Oh, not to mention that somebody told me that there are different dynamics in friendship. I mean, I may consider this certain friend as a best friend and then consider another friend as an ordinary friend or something. Well, that's how I understand it. You know what? It's sad to realize that none of my friends back in school can live up to my definition of a best friend. Oh, not to mention that my sister and I are not even friends. I mean, my sister and I used to be playmates when we were kids. It's just that while growing up as a tween and teenager I became such an insecure bitch and my relationship with my sister ended up in ruins. Well, the thing is thanks to my Bipolar Disorder I somehow got over my personal issues which made my sister and I civil to each other though we can't bring back how we were back when we were kids. Hmm, sometimes I can't help wonder if this Bipolar Disorder I have is a blessing in disguise. LOL. Well, maybe it's really in the book of life God wrote for me or what.

It's just that on second thought this Bipolar Disorder I have made me lose all the self-confidence I had. I mean, if I'm not mistaken when I was a tween and a teenager I had a fair enough amount of self-confidence in me though there were times when I get too insecure about a bunch of personal issues or something. Damn, I wonder what it will be like to read my literary masterpieces a decade from now. Well, I don't really know. I mean, a few hours before writing this blog draft I went reading some of my diary entries during the last months of high school and I ended up realizing how stupid my thoughts were and not to mention spotting tons of wrong grammar. Hmm, if you ask me while reading some of my old diary entries I see my teenage self as a girl trying to sound funny when there's not a single bit of sense of humor in her. Oh, not to mention an ambitious dreamer too who doesn't have the courage to take a step towards her dreams. LOL.

You know what? I'm not really an inspirational writer. LOL. I guess inspiring other people through my literary masterpieces in not just my thing. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really that conservative but I'm not that liberated either. I mean, I think I'm just right in the middle or something. By the way, the latest batch of blog posts that I posted a few hours before writing this blog draft is a batch of blog posts that I can consider as one of the best if not the best so far. Hmm, it's just that question is for how long will I be able to keep the good vibes going. Well, I pray and hope that I'll be able to keep my blog updated until the day I take my last breath in this world of the living. LOL. By the way, I finalized a poem a few hours before writing this blog draft. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending this poem to a local newspaper the next time I drop by online. Well, when I dropped by online a few hours ago I went researching about “Personality” on a search engine and it led me to an article in an online encyclopedia. Hmm, it's just that I'm a bit lazy to read whatever that is that came out of my research so I guess I won't be able to share any knowledge about “Personality” or something. Damn, I'm not really an article writer. You know what? I may not have the gift of mind reading but I know how an imaginative mind works so I hope it won't be such a surprise if I ended up right in guessing other people's wild imagination or something. LOL. Damn, what am I saying? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

Awakening the Poet in Me

Hmm, if you ask me I think a song is a poem. It's just that the difference is a song has a melody. You know what? I have a funny feeling that being a poet works better for me than being a songwriter. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Well, lately I haven't written a poem strictly speaking 'coz I have been writing songs for the past few months 'coz the words and the melody go hand in hand in popping out of my head whenever those once in a blue moon songwriting sessions drop by lately. Hmm, this time around I'm thinking of crashing the melody out of the equation and simply write poems instead. Oh, not to mention that I'm also thinking of sending some of the poems or songs I wrote since time in memorial to a local newspaper hoping for my poems or songs to get published or something. Hmm, let's just say this is one of my baby steps towards my dream to becoming a writer someday and I'm hoping that I'm thinking of doing the right thing or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

Well, the main objective here is to get my poems or songs published and somehow establish myself as a writer. Hmm, if the local newspaper will pay me for my poems or songs then I'm thinking that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. I mean, if I'm not mistaken there are some people who say that there are stepping stones towards achieving one's dream or something. Well, not to mention that since I cannot join a writing workshop for now then it's much better for me to explore other options in order to polish my writing skills if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with. Hmm, if ever any of my poems or songs made it for publication I hope the local newspaper will send me an e-mail message telling me so plus the date it will be published for me to get a copy of that newspaper issue. Damn, I wonder what will it feel like being a published poet on a local newspaper or something. Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Well, I have sent some of my poems or songs to this local newspaper a few years ago carrying a different pen name. It's just that I don't know if any of my poems or songs made it for publication. I mean, the local newspaper didn't send me an e-mail message saying that my poems or songs made it which gives me the impression that my poems and songs didn't make it at all. Well, as they say there's no such thing as an overnight success and there's nothing new that there will be epic fails along the way. Oh, speaking of epic fails my previous blogs that I deleted or abandoned will surely make it in the list. Hmm, not to mention that book I wrote a few years ago that I had book-bounded. Well, I can add my TweetBook with excerpts from my blog “Behind the Mask” to that and not to mention the seventy-page book “Behind the Mask” I wrote carrying one of my old pen names. Oh, and I can include in the list all the forgotten and countless attempts to writing a book since I was eight years old. LOL. It's just that the dream still lives on and that's an amen.

By the way, I have made a draft for my query that I will send to literary agents. Well, I know it's too early since I haven't written 97,500 words of nonsense yet. LOL. I mean, I guess I came to think that the best path to having my book published is to send my blog book to literary agents and not by taking matters in my own hands by having my blog book published online without spending a single centavo. Actually, I only have one literary agent in mind. Hmm, this literary agent came out in my google on a social networking site via mobile. Hmm, if she won't reply to my query within about two months then I'm gonna google for another literary agent to whom I will send my query to. Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to learn how to handle rejections. Hmm, I guess being rejected is somehow the same as getting dislikes for my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” or something. Hmm, so the dream still lives on, huh?