Playing with One's Imagination

While reading this book series that I'm reading these days I feel like I'm living in a whole new world. LOL. Hmm, I wonder if such world is really in existence. Damn, here I go being a tween all over again. You know what? There are times when I wish that I was part of the movie version of the book series. I mean, being an extra will do as long as I'll be able to be in the set and all that. Well, if you talk about wearing the costumes on Halloween then damn I'm too old for that. LOL.

I don't know why these days some people found a way of making witches, wizards, vampires, werewolves, and what not lovable when such creatures were somehow making some kids let's say pee in their pants even by the mere thought of such creatures. Well, look at most kids now. I mean, it seems like they got over their fear and ended up being such a fanatic. You know what? I'm wondering if witches, wizards, vampires, werewolves, and what not really exist and this fantasy creatures invasion is part of their aim to one day be accepted in the society we all live in.

Damn, I wonder if there's such thing as magic. You know what? I have read some books with magic as the main theme. I have a copy of those books here with me. Hmm, remember me saying that I don't feel like reading those books all over again 'coz I got a funny feeling about it? Well, it has something to do with magic. I mean, I have this funny feeling that someone cast a spell on the books or something and all that. Oh, don't ask me what kind of spell 'coz I don't have any idea.

Hmm, so here I go with my imaginative mind all over again, huh? Well, what can you expect from someone who is not so in touch with reality like me? LOL. Oh, I remember something. Well, in other countries they are making vampires look sophisticated or what making a fanatic wanting to be one. LOL. It's just that here in the country where I live in they are making vampires look like monsters making anyone out there wishing not to bump into one. Well, I guess that's just one of the many differences of western and eastern countries. Hmm, I guess so. Damn it.

Oh, it's the same thing with witches and wizards. I mean, in some countries they look sophisticated just like in the movie version of a book series making kids and kids at heart wanting to be one. It's just that in some countries witches and wizards are feared by many 'coz they imagine them to be creepy looking creatures giving the impression that most of them use dark magic. Oh, which reminds me that when I dropped by a secondhand bookshop a few years ago I spotted a book about witchcraft displayed behind the glass wall of the shop. Well, never mind.

Hey, I remember the summer before college I ended up thinking of writing a story about vampires. Well, in the story it's the vampires who live in the normal world and it's the humans who are said to be fantasy creatures. Hmm, quite the up-side-down of reality or something. So to continue I thought of a scene when there's a vampire who went into a bathroom and a few seconds after came running outside the bathroom screaming “Human! Human! Human in the bathroom! Human with Garlic in the bathroom!” and then everyone went screaming as they went running as far as they could from the bathroom where there was a sight of a human with garlic. Hmm, I find that funny. LOL. Well, which makes me wonder if there's another planet out there in the whole universe where witches, wizards, vampires, and werewolves are living. Oh, now I'm thinking about reincarnation. Well, I'm wondering what if when a person dies before going to hell, purgatory, or heaven the soul of that deceased person is asked to choose whether one wants to be reincarnated or not. If that person says one wants to be reincarnated that deceased person is asked to choose in which world one wants to be in in one's next life and one of the choices is to live in the world of witches, wizards, vampires, and never mind werewolves 'coz I'm not really a fan of werewolves. LOL. Hmm, so here I go with my wild imagination all over again, huh? LOL.

Scribble and Scratch It Down

I wrote a lot before this blog and I'm thinking if someone else was ever able to read what I wrote back then that person will most probably say something like “What a stupid and uneducated bitch is the one who wrote this shit.” LOL. I wrote most of what I wrote back when my disorder was at its worst in handwritten but there were some that I ended up posting on a blog 'coz I felt like screaming it to the whole world or something to make myself feel better. It's just that those stuffs I wrote were only about two percent of the real thing. LOL. It was just the tip of the iceberg.

It's just that I forgot whatever that was I wrote back then. I mean, I threw all those papers away and those papers are most probably in a dump site by now. I also deleted those blog posts after some time. I wonder what was that I wrote. Hmm, I forgot. LOL. I mean, I don't have my own copy of my literary masterpieces when my disorder was at its worst anymore. Hmm, it seems interesting to get the chance to read what I wrote back then again. It's just that I don't think that's possible 'coz I threw everything I wrote back then in the trash where it belongs. I mean, it was a stupid and uneducated bitch who wrote that shit anyway. LOL. Well, I was so disturbed back then so I guess what I wrote were most probably insane and out of this world stuffs or what.

I wonder if is it possible to read someone else's mind. Hmm, won't that be interesting? It's just that I'll most probably go out of my mind if God will give me the gift of mind reading. I wonder if someone out there can read my mind. Hmm, won't that be awful? Oh, not to mention that the mere thought of it can be so annoying. Well, if someone out there can read my mind I think that person will most probably end up going out of one's mind in the process. LOL.

I guess my dreams will remain as dreams forever 'coz I don't have what it takes to make those dreams come true. Oh, I remember my song “Sand Castles” 'coz there's a line in that song that goes something like “I go curling on my bed drifting into dreamland for a while.” Well, this kind of head God gave me may be a blessing at times but there are also times when this kind of head God gave me turns into a curse. All I know is I don't wanna go through some mental and emotional torture anymore or shall I say I don't want my psychotic mind to drop by 'til the end of time. I mean, it's not a joke or a laughing matter to go out of one's mind, mind you.

I'm thinking twice if I'll post photos here on my blog or what. Well, there are photo sharing websites whenever I wanna share some photos anyway so I guess it's much better for me to drop the idea. Well, not to mention that I don't really have that much photos to share. Well, I do have photos from way back memory lane. It's just that problem is we don't have a scanner here at home and I don't know if I can drop by the internet café to have those old pictures scanned as soon as possible. You know what? If I am to choose between painting on a canvas and taking pictures I'll most probably go with taking pictures. Oh, here comes the frustrated photographer without a digital camera. Well, if you can count a 2 megapixel camera phone in then that will be nice. LOL.

Hey, I'm thinking of dropping by a photo studio and have a photo of myself taken. I mean, I just wanna have a keepsake of what I look like now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Well, problem is number one it seems like the cameras don't like me and number two I'm not that comfortable being in front of the camera especially when the camera is held by another person. By the way, I look different in photos and in person. Hmm, I don't know why. Well, it's a reality that the cameras don't like me but there are some limited edition cameras that seem to have an automatic photoshop when it comes to taking portraits of myself. LOL. Hmm, I don't know why.

Well, I'm a home buddy so there's really no point for me to have my own digital camera 'coz what kinds of scenery am I gonna capture when I'm often staying here at home. Oh, my current 2 megapixel camera phone doesn't like me. Well, my webcam used to have that so-called automatic photoshop that I'm babbling about. It's just that it's now broken so I can't take photos with my webcam anymore. Hmm, so I guess this is what happens when one's gadget is somehow depreciating. LOL. Oh, problem is I can't have a new laptop 'coz I don't have a single penny in my pocket for me to buy myself a new one. I can't even buy myself a new camera phone so how much more a new laptop. Damn, so it seems like this is the downside of being unemployed, huh?

Oh, not to mention that I look like a witch with this hair that I have. Hey, have you heard of costume playing or cosplaying if I'm not mistaken? Hmm, I wonder if costumes are available in some photo studios and wearing such costumes during the photo shoot is part of the whole package or something. Hmm, I hope they have wigs and I prefer one with a dark brownish red color. LOL. Oh, I want the wig with bangs too. LOL. Hmm, let's just say having a photo of myself taken in a photo studio is one of those stuffs that I wanna do in my bucket list. LOL.

I mean, a least there will a photo to be displayed right above my coffin during my wake, right? LOL. Oh, speaking of my wake I want something like this written on my epitaph when I leave this world of the living “A complicated girl who once lived in a simple world.” Hmm, I think I'll go to a photo studio and have a photo of myself taken one of these days. I mean, I only live once. Hmm, I wonder if there's such thing as reincarnation. If ever there's such thing then I wonder who was I in my past lives and who will I be in my future lives. Well, I don't really know. Never mind.

Second Language

I'm thinking of going back job hunting and apply as an ESL Teacher. Well, I know how to speak the English Language but problem is I'm so sure if I know how to explain the complexities of the English grammar to ESL Students. I'm willing to be trained though. I mean, I guess it's time for me to wake up from my dreamland make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and start earning my own dough in the real world everybody knows. Hmm, now I'm thinking twice if am I gonna push through with job hunting or not. Damn, I don't know with me.

I mean, it's been years since college graduation and since I withdrew out of graduate school and I'm still part of the unemployed group. Damn, if I only have what it takes to make my unreachable and impossible dreams come true. Okay, so I'm gonna go online and go job hunting for nearby ESL Schools looking for ESL Teachers. Well, I guess the problem is I just don't believe in my potentials or something. Oh, not to mention that I'm such a pessimist. You know what? If I can only spend the rest of my life earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Damn, can somebody wake me up?

You know what? I heard someone once said that if one thinks that a task is easy then it will be easy but if one thinks that a task is difficult then it will surely be difficult. Hmm, I'm thinking that does make some sense. So why won't I think that being an ESL Teacher is just as easy as one-two-three? I guess that will somehow boost my self-confidence a little. LOL. Oh, not to mention when I went job hunting a few years ago I usually end up spoiling everything during the job interview. Well, the difference now is I'm not that depressed girl anymore or shall I say I'm not that disturbed girl with a psychotic mind anymore so I guess I'll most probably do good in the job interviews that I'm gonna go through whenever I'll go and push though with my job hunting.

Oh, is my grammar too confusing? Well, I don't really know. I mean, this is just that way that I write and in my case as long as it sounds good then it's fine. But in fairness to our English Teachers back in school they never failed to remind us that it doesn't mean that it sounds good then the grammar is correct. Hmm, yes I know how to speak and write in English. It's just that I'm thinking there's still a whole lot more that I don't know about the English Language. Damn, now I'm really thinking twice if am I gonna push through with job hunting as an ESL Teacher or what.

Oh, why am I writing in English? Well, it's because I consider English as a Universal Language in a sense that a lot of people around the world know how to speak it or are learning how to speak it so it's like if someone who knows how to speak in English from the other side of the globe finds my blog and reads my posts then it will be easy for that person to understand what I wrote. Hmm, I guess that's as simple as that. I guess it's not about in what language one expresses one's self 'coz it's all about expressing one's self in a language one feels most comfortable. I guess so.

Oh, here comes the side of me thinking that I'm unemployable. It's just that it really sucks to still be dependent on my parents now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Hey, why won't I just do some artworks here at home and sell them online instead? Hmm, I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. I mean, it suits my personality very well and making artworks is what I'm good at anyway not to mention that it's the only clear talent that God gave me. It's just that it's been ages since I did some artworks 'coz I was so focused with living my dreams as a frustrated singer songwriter and frustrated writer for the past three years. Well, I guess it's never too late to polish my talent in making artworks all over again, right? Hey, I wanna be forever fourteen and funny thing is a decade after which makes me twenty-four I was able to live my unreachable and impossible dreams even just inside the four walls of my room. LOL. I guess there's really a time for everything, huh? I guess it's more than enough that I could ask for.

Hmm, so I guess there's a change of plan. I'm gonna go and get myself a sketchpad, some pencils, and some coloring materials then I'm gonna go and come up with artworks here at home. I mean, I'm really a home buddy and I really have this strong feeling that I'm unemployable. Hey, why won't I ask for a sign from God? Okay, so if I go job hunting online and there's a nearby ESL School looking for ESL Teachers then I'm gonna give it a shot but if there's none then I'm gonna push through with making artworks. Hmm, I hope I'll get an answer soon and that's an amen.