Don't Talk to Strangers

If I'm not mistaken in one of my previous blog posts I mentioned that way back the early years of college I ended up joining a text clan and that I can no longer remember how that happened. Well, I went texting a lot those days to complete strangers 'coz I was so damn bored with life and I felt like playing. LOL. I mean, you can't blame me considering the fact that I took a very boring course for college. Well, good thing is I never agreed to meet those complete strangers in person. I mean, I'm not that stupid. LOL. Hmm, they don't know me in person anyway so what the heck.

So a few days ago I came to wonder with the rise of social networking sites for the past years do text clans still exist in the country today. Well, to answer that question I googled “text clan” on a social networking site via mobile a few days ago and in fairness results did popped out and then I went joining two text clan groups on that social networking site. Hmm, I think there's no harm in joining those groups anyway not to mention that I can also have the chance to promote my songs or blogs in those social networking groups. By the way, my request to join those two text clan groups on a social networking site were accepted. Hmm, so I guess it's time to do some self-promotion, huh? Well, there were still some groups that didn't accept my request to join them.

When I checked out my news feed a few hours before writing this blog post I read a post by a member of one of the text clan groups I joined recruiting people to join a text clan and giving instructions on how to join the said clan. Well, the good thing about that text clan that text clan recruiter is talking about is it's a wholesome text clan where maniacs are not allowed. Hmm, honestly I'm so bored with life these days that there's a part of me who wants to go texting and chatting to complete strangers all over again. Well, there's no harm in it 'coz I'll never agree for an eyeball or a meet-up or whatever you call it. LOL. I guess I just feel like talking to someone. LOL. Or shall I say I just feel like playing around all over again. LOL. Damn, just take a good look how pathetic can I get. Well, a part of me says it's wrong so I guess I better drop the idea.

Hmm, so you are asking why talk to complete strangers when there are people I know in person that I can possibly talk to. Well, the answer to that is when I'm talking to a complete stranger I can play around, come up with a new identity, and what not. It's like being 22_f_universe when I'm really 25_f_earth. Hmm, something like that. I mean, whereas if I'm talking to someone who knows me in person I can't dive into a new identity I just came up with out of the blue 'coz that would mean fooling that other person who knows me in person and I don't want that. Hmm, do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? Well, damn it.

Honestly, whenever I think about those textmates I had way back the early years of college I can't help feel sorry for them 'coz it seems like they were victims of me who ended up fooling around while texting to them due to severe boredom. I mean, there was even a point when I came to ask myself if am I such a bad person to do that to those textmates who happen to be complete strangers. Well, all I know is I'm not a bad person. LOL. I mean, I'm just someone super bored with my super boring life. LOL. So I'm having thoughts of joining a text clan all over again and this time around it's not to fool around or something. I'm thinking of making a text clan a marketing tool for me to promote my songs and blogs. Hmm, I think that's not such a bad idea. LOL. Oh, look at the bright side. I mean, it seems like I was able to learn something from that business-related course I took for college. LOL. Damn, I wonder if I wasn't that all too bookish as a student back then. By the way, I googled on a search engine how to join writing workshops here in town and it's too bad my research led me to nowhere. LOL. Well, never mind. LOL. Damn it.

Quarter of a Century

I just celebrated my 25^th Birthday last July 17 and I'm thankful to God that I was able to survive life for a quarter of a century though there were times when I prayed that I was never born into this world. LOL. Oh, when it comes to the lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” that I uploaded on my video sharing website's channel carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” I asked for a thousand views as a birthday gift but I was only given roughly a hundred views. LOL. Well, at least it somehow reached ten percent of what I asked for. LOL. Okay, so so much about doing the Math 'coz I'm not really that good in Mathematics. Hmm, the only thing I'm good at in Math is coming up with patterns. LOL. So what else am I gonna talk about? LOL.

Oh, my younger sister's gift for me is a cake from her favorite cakes and pastries shop. Well, in fairness the cake tastes good. I mean, when it comes to my sister and me I think it's my sister who has a good taste in making choices. LOL. Hmm, I received birthday greetings in person, through text message, and social networking sites. Oh, I also went online on my birthday to for the last time promote my lyric video for “A Broken Record” as a birthday gift on a social networking site. Well, since my birthday is over then instead of asking a thousand views as a birthday gift I'm gonna go and still ask for a thousand views but this time around as a Christmas gift. LOL.

Hey, I just realized that I have something in common with two of my favorite celebrities. I mean, my favorite french-fil celebrity was born on a July and I was born on a July and my favorite fil-aussie celebrity was born on a 17^th and I was born on a 17^th. Well, nothing much. I just felt like sharing that one. LOL. Oh, I just stayed the whole day at home on my birthday. So what else am I gonna talk about? Hey, it seems like I'm a bit improving in writing fresh thoughts these days, huh? Oh, I didn't start writing a diary on my birthday. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe I'll only end up playing with words which is not good so I decided to drop the idea. On second thought I think it will be nice to document my life from now on or something. Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Oh, not to mention that my hair is still messy. It's just that I'm not that rich to have it fixed in a salon. LOL. Hmm, so here I go going off topic all over again, huh? Well, I don't know with me. Hey, I'm supposed to talk about being quarter of a century old in this whole damn world or something. LOL. Oh, there's an annual nationwide songwriting competition here in this country where I live in and a part of me feels like joining the next year's competition. It's just that I guess I better just drop the idea. I mean, I don't have the “It” that they are looking for whatever that “It” is. Well, on second thought why won't I give it a try and see what happens. I mean, joining the songwriting competition can be a stepping stone for me who is aspiring to be a singer songwriter someday. Oh, there were some people in a social networking site who made a comment to the link of “A Broken Record” that I posted. Hmm, they were saying that I do have a talent in writing lyrics and they advised me to collaborate with some musicians to bring my songs to life or what.

Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. It's just that I'm not that rich to collaborate with musicians. I mean, I need to have a budget for their talent fees or something. Well, why won't I just save up some dough and buy myself a guitar or something? Hmm, I don't really know. Oh, not to mention that if I really want to make my song sound at its best then the best thing to do is to record it in a recording studio. Hey, I'm not that rich to rent a recording studio or something. Damn, I'm nothing compared to the professionals out there so why won't I just drop the idea and move on. I mean, if I was really meant to be in the mainstream music industry then it should have happened maybe during my teenage years or something. It's just that I'm 25 now and I'm too old to dream as a singer songwriter in this youth worshiping society we all live in. Yeah, what a sad reality.

Scribble and Scratch It Down

I wrote a lot before this blog and I'm thinking if someone else was ever able to read what I wrote back then that person will most probably say something like “What a stupid and uneducated bitch is the one who wrote this shit.” LOL. I wrote most of what I wrote back when my disorder was at its worst in handwritten but there were some that I ended up posting on a blog 'coz I felt like screaming it to the whole world or something to make myself feel better. It's just that those stuffs I wrote were only about two percent of the real thing. LOL. It was just the tip of the iceberg.

It's just that I forgot whatever that was I wrote back then. I mean, I threw all those papers away and those papers are most probably in a dump site by now. I also deleted those blog posts after some time. I wonder what was that I wrote. Hmm, I forgot. LOL. I mean, I don't have my own copy of my literary masterpieces when my disorder was at its worst anymore. Hmm, it seems interesting to get the chance to read what I wrote back then again. It's just that I don't think that's possible 'coz I threw everything I wrote back then in the trash where it belongs. I mean, it was a stupid and uneducated bitch who wrote that shit anyway. LOL. Well, I was so disturbed back then so I guess what I wrote were most probably insane and out of this world stuffs or what.

I wonder if is it possible to read someone else's mind. Hmm, won't that be interesting? It's just that I'll most probably go out of my mind if God will give me the gift of mind reading. I wonder if someone out there can read my mind. Hmm, won't that be awful? Oh, not to mention that the mere thought of it can be so annoying. Well, if someone out there can read my mind I think that person will most probably end up going out of one's mind in the process. LOL.

I guess my dreams will remain as dreams forever 'coz I don't have what it takes to make those dreams come true. Oh, I remember my song “Sand Castles” 'coz there's a line in that song that goes something like “I go curling on my bed drifting into dreamland for a while.” Well, this kind of head God gave me may be a blessing at times but there are also times when this kind of head God gave me turns into a curse. All I know is I don't wanna go through some mental and emotional torture anymore or shall I say I don't want my psychotic mind to drop by 'til the end of time. I mean, it's not a joke or a laughing matter to go out of one's mind, mind you.

I'm thinking twice if I'll post photos here on my blog or what. Well, there are photo sharing websites whenever I wanna share some photos anyway so I guess it's much better for me to drop the idea. Well, not to mention that I don't really have that much photos to share. Well, I do have photos from way back memory lane. It's just that problem is we don't have a scanner here at home and I don't know if I can drop by the internet café to have those old pictures scanned as soon as possible. You know what? If I am to choose between painting on a canvas and taking pictures I'll most probably go with taking pictures. Oh, here comes the frustrated photographer without a digital camera. Well, if you can count a 2 megapixel camera phone in then that will be nice. LOL.

Hey, I'm thinking of dropping by a photo studio and have a photo of myself taken. I mean, I just wanna have a keepsake of what I look like now that I'm already in my mid-twenties. Well, problem is number one it seems like the cameras don't like me and number two I'm not that comfortable being in front of the camera especially when the camera is held by another person. By the way, I look different in photos and in person. Hmm, I don't know why. Well, it's a reality that the cameras don't like me but there are some limited edition cameras that seem to have an automatic photoshop when it comes to taking portraits of myself. LOL. Hmm, I don't know why.

Well, I'm a home buddy so there's really no point for me to have my own digital camera 'coz what kinds of scenery am I gonna capture when I'm often staying here at home. Oh, my current 2 megapixel camera phone doesn't like me. Well, my webcam used to have that so-called automatic photoshop that I'm babbling about. It's just that it's now broken so I can't take photos with my webcam anymore. Hmm, so I guess this is what happens when one's gadget is somehow depreciating. LOL. Oh, problem is I can't have a new laptop 'coz I don't have a single penny in my pocket for me to buy myself a new one. I can't even buy myself a new camera phone so how much more a new laptop. Damn, so it seems like this is the downside of being unemployed, huh?

Oh, not to mention that I look like a witch with this hair that I have. Hey, have you heard of costume playing or cosplaying if I'm not mistaken? Hmm, I wonder if costumes are available in some photo studios and wearing such costumes during the photo shoot is part of the whole package or something. Hmm, I hope they have wigs and I prefer one with a dark brownish red color. LOL. Oh, I want the wig with bangs too. LOL. Hmm, let's just say having a photo of myself taken in a photo studio is one of those stuffs that I wanna do in my bucket list. LOL.

I mean, a least there will a photo to be displayed right above my coffin during my wake, right? LOL. Oh, speaking of my wake I want something like this written on my epitaph when I leave this world of the living “A complicated girl who once lived in a simple world.” Hmm, I think I'll go to a photo studio and have a photo of myself taken one of these days. I mean, I only live once. Hmm, I wonder if there's such thing as reincarnation. If ever there's such thing then I wonder who was I in my past lives and who will I be in my future lives. Well, I don't really know. Never mind.

Acapella to Acoustic

I don't know why but a part of me wants to turn my twelve-song-acapella-record-album into a real studio record album with guitars, piano, bass, drums, violin, and my voice on it. I want it to sound a little bit like pop, alternative, punk, and rock. Hmm, is it too much to ask? Well, problem is I don't have a band and I got no plans of having one not to mention that I also don't know how to play any musical instruments. Well, I tried to learn how to play the piano and guitar when I was younger. It's just that I stopped when I realized I got no idea what timing is all about. LOL.

Hmm, I'm thinking of having my own guitar and turn my twelve-song-acapella-record-album into a twelve-song-acoustic-record-album. I mean, I guess it's never too late to start learning how to play the guitar all over again, right? By the way, whenever I listen to the fine-tuned version of “It's a Mess” I can't help be in awe that I was able to come up with such. Sad news is it seems like the magic is gone now and I don't know if those once in a blue moon songwriting sessions will ever drop by again. I guess it's much better for me to be satisfied with “It's a Mess” as of now. I mean, at least I was able to live my dream as a frustrated singer songwriter even just inside the four walls of my room, right? I guess it's more than enough that I could ask for. Hmm, I guess so.

You know what? In fairness to my singing voice I got a funny feeling that it somehow got polished through the years of my constant screaming. LOL. Oh. I mean, singing. I don't know with me. Well, sad news is none of those who have heard me sing ever told me I sound nice to listen to. I mean, it's a reality that those who have heard me sing live and in the flesh found my singing voice too annoying. Well, good news is I was able to accidentally find a way to make my recorded singing voice sound better so I came up with a fine-tuned version of my songs. LOL.

My final twelve-song-acapella-record-album took about a decade in the making. I mean, I'm not really musically talented so that's why it took that long for me to come up with “It's a Mess”. I don't know why I wanted to be a singer songwriter. All I know is I wanted to be one the first time I saw the Princess of Pop singing her first single on an international music channel way back the last years of grade school and the fire to be one ignited even more when I saw the Punk Princess singing her first single on a national music channel's weekly chart show at fourteen years old.

I've been writing songs since the last years of grade school. The golden age of my songwriting years was by mid of high school. I kept those songs I wrote that time in a notebook. I lost that notebook for some time but I was able to find it again by mid of 2012. There are times when I write a song and I end up asking myself in disbelief if am I really the one who wrote it. I tried to read the songs I wrote way back high school only to realize that most of my songs don't make any sense at all and only a few of them made it to be a part of my twelve-song-acapella-record-album.

I have written more or less five dozens of songs for the past more or less thirteen years of my life. It's just that most of the songs I wrote don't make any sense at all so it narrowed down to twenty seven songs worth uploading on a video sharing website. Then the twenty seven songs narrowed down to twelve songs which made it to be a part of the final list of my first twelve-song-acapella-record-album “It's a Mess”. And those twelve songs have a fine-tuned version that you can check out on my unofficial video sharing website's channel that carries my unofficial pen name “Adeline McSunday” 'coz I'd like to be called as “Adeline Chrystyn” from now on. FYI, I wrote half of “It's a Mess” for a span of a decade and the other half on the same year which is 2012.