Starting Off as an Amateur

Hmm, strictly speaking I wasn't really able to receive any critique when it comes to my writing style. Oh, not to mention that I'm also wondering if am I writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand or something. Well, in fairness these days I can say that I have enough time for writing though I can't spend the whole day writing 'coz ideas don't continuously pop out of my head or something. Hmm, I don't really read that much. I mean, I'm not a fan of reading newspapers or what. Hmm, not to mention that an interesting novel to read rarely comes these days. Well, I guess at this point I'm just up to writing about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between. You know what? I don't really think about readers when I write. Well, maybe 'coz I don't really have readers to begin with. By the way, I'm still thinking of joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers. I mean, if there's such thing. LOL.

I always wanted to write a book since I was eight and it's quite surprising to find out from an article online that survey says that almost everyone in the world is dreaming of the same thing. Well, I have been attempting to write a book since I was eight it's just that most if not all of my efforts only went into waste. I'm not writing to be a messenger. I mean, what kinds of messages are in my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between anyway? I'm basically writing to express myself and that's pretty much it. I mean, as I've said writing is a need and a want for me. Writing is like a therapy. Writing is what keeps me sane when I'm an inch away from insanity. Well, it's just that I'd rather have nothing to write about than have my psychotic mind drop by and ruin everything all over again. I mean, my blog is doing pretty good so far.

Hmm, these days I'm keeping my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn updated from time to time as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, and when I say “amateur” it means “unpaid” not to mention “unskilled”. LOL. Well, I'm dreaming to turn my blog into a published book and it will be the next bestselling book of all time or something. LOL. It's just that that dream seems like an inch away from impossible so I think I'm just gonna keep on blogging to polish my writing skills if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with. LOL. By the way, I also read from an article online that many editors seem to agree that blogging is considered as published writing even if the blogger wasn't able to get paid for the blog entry. I mean, I'm thinking will such thing lessen the chances of my blog to turn into a published book just because I have posted my blog drafts here on my blog or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

You know what? I'm not really that fond of following guides or something. I mean, I guess I'm the type who opts to do things my own way or what. LOL. Hmm, on second thought I guess it's not that bad to learn from other people or something. Oh, not to mention that there's really no secret when it comes to writing a bestseller. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I don't really have that much to say. It's just that I have to write a few more lines to conform to the standard requirement of writing a page of nonsense per blog draft or something.

Damn, I wonder if my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I think the best thing for me to do these days is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in or something. LOL. Damn, so so much about my nonsense. Hmm, I guess it's time for me to end this blog draft or something.

This Blog Draft is Untitled

Hmm, I can't think of a title for this blog draft so I decided to name it “This Blog Draft is Untitled” which means that this blog draft is without a title. Well, there's really nothing much to talk about. I just feel like writing and that's pretty much it. Hmm, I'm thinking of sending the lyrics of my song “A Broken Record” to a local newspaper the next time I drop by online. I mean, it seems like the sign that I am asking for isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life so why won't I just go on with my baby steps toward a career in writing to make the whole damn world a better place to live in or something. Oh, remember my blog post “Hush-Hush” when I said that I ended up to be an undercover agent on an online messenger and it seems like I ended up having an online on-the-job training for a bachelor's degree in the arts of romance novels? Well, that was nothing but a case study with the aim of figuring out if Mr. Anagram is naughty or nice. I mean, in my own opinion it was nothing more than a case study. Hmm, maybe it was the frustrated psychologist in me resurfacing at that time or something. LOL. Damn it.

Well, I don't really know Mr. Anagram's side of the story. Hmm, I have a theory it's just that I guess it's much better for me to learn that when I don't really know the whole story then it's much better for me to keep my damn mouth shut. Well, on second thought I feel like sharing my theory in this blog draft. Oh, not to mention that my wild imagination plays a dominant role in this theory of mine 'coz I don't really have any real sufficient evidence to support this theory playing in my head. Hmm, I'm thinking what if Mr. Anagram knew all along that it was me behind that undercover identity and he just played along with it. Oh, not to mention that I'm also thinking what if some creatures are having me as a guinea pig in their case study and they commissioned Mr. Anagram to be a part of that case study and me meeting Mr. Anagram on a social networking site was part of the whole plan. Damn, here I go coming up with what-ifs all over again. LOL.

You know what? I came to realize that I can almost do anything I want on the world wide web as long as it's not against the law. LOL. Hmm, and the catch is nothing happens to me 'coz I'm just in front of a computer or something so it's like if I ended up making a lot of mistakes on the world wide web it won't be that much of a big deal 'coz it won't have that much effect on my life aside from making the world wide web a venue for making mistakes and learning lessons from it the digital way. Well, if I put it in another way it's like daydreaming of a story with a tragic ending and I end up internalizing how the main character of that daydream feels and learn from my daydream's story or something. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? You know what? I guess it's time for me to stop fooling around the world wide web. Well, for the record I wasn't fooling around since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn”. I guess I decided to forget about the bane and focus on the boon. LOL.

Hmm, I heard somebody said that the grass is greener on the world wide web. Well, I don't know about that. Hmm, on second thought the world wide web made the world seems smaller if you ask me. Damn, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, so I guess I'll just focus more in keeping my blog updated as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, not to mention keep on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on social networking sites until it achieves a thousand views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it as a Christmas wish or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, so I'm thinking maybe this is what I got for being such a silent type kind of person. I mean, I'm thinking what if some creatures were wondering what the heck is going on inside my damn head so I ended up being their guinea pig. Well, those are just what-ifs anyway so I guess it's much better for me not to take those what-ifs seriously. LOL. Hmm, all I know is it's not me wasting my precious time on a nobody. LOL.

Scribble It Down My Own Style

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. You know what? I found out that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is engaged or shall I say getting married in a funny way via social networking site. I mean, it was my high school friend who posted an article about it as a status update and then she wrote something like “I thought true love waits but why didn't you wait for me?” then she tagged her sister if I'm not mistaken. Well, those weren't the exact words not to mention that my high school friend wrote it in mixed language. Hmm, I just translated it in English though I'm not so sure if I translated it the right way. LOL. Well, on the other hand when I found out that Mr. Jacob has a crush on this female music artist via a micro-blogging website I was slightly jealous which is nothing unusual. LOL. Well, who am I in their lives anyway? I mean, I'm just a mere fan and nothing but a fan not to mention that they don't even know that I exist. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I'm wondering what kind of readers do I want for my blog. Well, I remember I once said something like “What is a writer without a reader?” That does make some sense, right? Well, I want readers who take things lightly in life. I want readers who will most likely not make a big deal out of little things. I want readers who don't over-think what they have read. Do you get me? Why am I talking about having readers when I obviously have none? LOL. I mean, for now. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I guess it's much better for me not to think of readers if I ever do have some. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to write for the sake of writing or something. Hmm, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. You know what? I think writing a novel is just not my niche so I guess it's much better for me to just drop the idea of giving being a creative writer a shot or something. Hmm, damn it.

Well, on second thought I think it's not such a bad idea to step out of my comfort zone and try to write a novel or something. Hmm, the problem is I'm not that creative anymore plus it seems like I have forgotten what it's like to build characters and come up with dialogues. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, so I guess the best thing for me to do is just to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. You know what? I don't know if I'll get the sign I'm asking for or not when it comes to pursuing my dream as a writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, I really find it ideal to start earning my own dough by writing or something. Oh, did I say it's much better for me to just write for the sake of writing? Well, I don't really know with me. Damn it. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between?

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, and now I'm thinking somebody will reply to that and say something like why won't I keep my mouth shut then. LOL. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, I guess I'm just a bit pressured to write 97,500 words of nonsense on or before the 15^th of December 2013 even if it's unlikely that I will send my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents or something. I mean, it seems like the sign I'm asking for is not coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. You know what? I'm sounding like a broken record saying the same things over and over again. Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, I don't really know why I'm writing too much lately. Well, all I know is I'm trying to live each and every day of my life to the fullest the way I know how. Hmm, so I guess the dream still lives on, huh?

Write for the Sake of Writing

You know what? I'm thinking why won't I write for the sake of writing and not think too much about literary agents, publishing companies, and what not. Hmm, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. I mean, if I'm really meant to write the next bestselling book and be the next bestselling author or something then I guess everything will simply fall into place someday, right? Well, that if God is working on in making my dream as a writer come true in the real world everybody knows. You know what? I'm thinking of joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, I guess I'm thinking joining a social networking site mainly for aspiring writers can be a venue for me to receive some critique when it comes to my writing style or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. You know what? I wrote a script the summer before I went to college. Well, the problem is I don't think I'll be able to write another script any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. I mean, a lot of changes went on as the years passed by and I don't know how to build characters and dialogues anymore.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Hmm, I guess the best thing for me to do is to live in the present and as always there's nothing much going on in my life at present. LOL. Damn, it's not easy to make-believe that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, why won't I talk about some bits of my daydreams? Okay, so in one of my daydreams Mr. Jacob wrote a book and he had a book signing in a nearby bookstore where I don't have to ride a plane just to get there. Hmm, actually on the day I went into that nearby bookstore where I don't have to ride a plane just to get there to get a copy of Mr. Jacob's book I didn't know that a book signing was taking place so it was some sort of a coincidence. LOL. Well, it seems like me having the chance to get a glimpse of Mr. Jacob live and in the flesh only comes once in a lifetime so I decided to make the most of it. LOL. Hmm, I bought myself a copy of Mr. Jacob's book then fell in line to have the copy I have signed then had a photo of Mr. Jacob and myself standing beside each other and now I'm ready to die.

Well, it's just that in the real world I don't think I'll have the courage to fall in line so that I can have my copy of Mr. Jacob's book signed if ever Mr. Jacob will write a book and have a book signing in a nearby bookstore where I don't have to ride a plane just to get there. Hmm, I think I'll most probably be standing in a safe distance watching Mr. Jacob do the book signing or something. By the way, when I did a google on a micro-blogging website I found out that Mr. Jacob has a crush on an international female mainstream music artist who sang that she kissed a girl and liked it. I mean, I just wrote that as a description of the female music artist Mr. Jacob has a crush on 'coz I don't know what fans call this said female music artist. Damn, another heartache this is. LOL. Oh, and funny thing is Mr. Jacob has a crush on a female music artist who sang that she kissed a girl and liked it and on the other hand Mr. Jacob played a gay role in his latest movie.

Damn, I'm really going off topic all over again. I mean, I'm supposed to write about writing for the sake of writing. LOL. By the way, when I browsed through my news feed on a social networking site I found out that Mr. Jersey Seventeen is engaged or shall I say is getting married. Well, Mr. Jersey Seventeen can be someone that I can consider as my ideal guy but I guess I only have a typical crush on him. LOL. Oh, and if I'm not mistaken it seems like I have a mild infatuation for Mr. Jacob these days. LOL. As I have said I like the feeling of having crushes and I guess for now I'm just up to the feeling of having crushes. Hmm, it's just like I want to be a writer in the real world everybody knows. It's just that for now all I can be is someone make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online which is if I think it over not that bad after all. Damn, so I guess this is what I end up writing when I'm running out of nonsense to talk about.

Not a Bit Sense of Humor in Me

Hmm, so I'm done reading this end-of-the-world inspired book with a twist of humor in it. Well, I'm kind of thinking twice if I'll write a book review or am I just gonna keep my damn mouth shut. LOL. Oh, not to mention that my reading comprehension was so bad while reading the book so it's nothing new that I wasn't able to picture out most of what I read. Okay, so I'm gonna write down what I think of this book that I'm talking about. Well, I don't know with me but the book failed to make me laugh. Hmm, I don't know if it's because my reading comprehension was so bad while reading the book or I just simply don't have a bit of sense of humor in me. By the way, the world did not end in the book's story. Well, the world almost ended in the book's story it's just that someone put a stop to it. You know what? I feel like dropping by a secondhand bookshop and browse for interesting books or something. Well, I'm hoping to find a quirky story 'coz as I have said it seems like I'm a graduate when it comes to reading romance novels. LOL. Whatever.

Oh, I didn't send any of my poems to a local newspaper the last time I dropped by online. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I may not have a bit of sense of humor in me but I'm not really a serious kind of person. LOL. Hmm, I'm thinking this isn't the right time to drop by a secondhand bookshop and browse for books with a quirky story. I mean, as a reader I'm not really a fan of e-books 'coz as a reader I opt for books in print. By the way, I did a research on how to be a published writer the last time I dropped by online. Well, my research led me to almost nowhere. LOL. Hmm, what I'm trying to say is what came out of the search engine's results weren't helping at all. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I'm still far from writing 97,500 words of nonsense which means I still have a long way to go. Damn it. LOL. I mean, if you catch my drift.

Hmm, I wonder if those who print school yearbooks also print in pocket book style. Well, I don't really know. I mean, I really want my blog book to look like a professional looking book. Hmm, is it too much to ask? Well, I don't really know. Oh, didn't I ask for a sign? Hmm, it's just that it seems like my sign isn't coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. On second thought, posting my thoughts on a blog rather than having my thoughts printed on a short bond paper can save the trees not to mention Mother Earth, right? LOL. Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm a writer in a sense that I know how to write. It's just that I'm not the kind of writer who can write a page-turner. Oh, so much more that my writing style isn't that spellbinding that readers will keep digging. Hmm, whatever.

You know what? I came to think if I buy a book first-hand in a bookstore it will cost me about hundreds of pesos. If I sell the book to someone who is running a secondhand bookshop I'll most probably be able to sell my first-hand books for thirty-five pesos per book. If I buy a book from a secondhand bookshop it will certainly cost me lesser than buying the book first-hand in a bookstore. Hmm, so I came to think if I do the Math books aren't that good of an investment. Well, that if you do the Math. Hmm, the catch is the knowledge, lessons, and not to mention the entertainment that books gave me are something priceless. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Damn, why am I doing the Math all over again? It's just that if you ask me I opt to deal with words than deal with numbers. LOL. Hmm, maybe I'm just thinking what if I'll be a published writer someday then miraculously somebody will buy a copy of my book first-hand in a bookstore then one day I'll just spot the same copy of my book in a secondhand bookshop or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, what I'm trying to say is having a copy of my book ending that way is somewhat saying that that somebody who read my book thinks that my book isn't worth keeping which will be an ouch on my part if you ask me. Hmm, damn it. LOL.

Quiet and Peaceful Life

In my blog posts “Path Towards a Career in Writing” and “Please Mind Your Own Beeswax” I wrote “quite and peaceful life” when what I really meant was “quiet and peaceful life”. I mean, I wrote “quite” instead of “quiet”. I mean, “quite” means “to a certain extent” if you consult a word processing software's dictionary and on the other hand “quiet” means “silent” or “noiseless”. Hmm, so I guess this is another example how weird the English language can be. I mean, by simply interchanging the last two letters of a word like from “quite” to “quiet” can end up in a change of meaning or something. Hmm, can you catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? LOL. Well, I'm thinking of doing some corrections the next time I get the chance to drop by online. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

You know what? I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, I'm thinking of researching about a certain topic like “Personality” perhaps and then write a blog draft about what I have learned from my research. It's just that I'm not really an article writer or something. Well, that if researching about a certain topic and writing about it is what an article writer does. Oh, not to mention that I don't really feel like trying to make some sense 'coz it seems like if I do such I'll only end up making a fool out of myself. LOL. Hmm, let's just say writing about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between is my niche and I guess keeping it that way will make the world a better place to live in. LOL. You know what? I'm kind of thinking twice if I'll push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents. On second thought I really find it ideal to start making a living out of writing. I mean, I don't really belong in the corporate world not to mention that I'm unemployable. Damn it.

Hey, why won't I ask for a sign? Okay, so I won't push through with sending my work of art which is my blog book to literary agents by the time I have written 97,500 words of nonsense. I think I'm gonna simply keep on updating my blog from time to time as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Oh, so the sign will be if a literary agent will be able to drop by my blog, will read my posts, will end up liking it, will send me a message advising to turn my blog into a book, and will offer to represent my blog book to publishing companies then that's the time I'll push through with being an established writer in the real world everybody knows. Well, it seems like the sign won't be coming any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life so I guess it's much better for me to keep on living my dream as a frustrated writer even just inside the four walls of my room by make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online.

Oh, I didn't send any of my poems to a local newspaper. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, maybe I will the next time I get the chance to drop by online or maybe I won't. Hmm, I don't really know. You know what? I like my hair the way it is even if it's wavy and messy not to mention witch-like. LOL. Oh, I like it better when my hair is black too. Damn, why am I talking about my hair? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, maybe 'coz I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about and talking about my hair just popped out of my head. LOL. Damn, being an amateur writer online is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. I mean, it's not easy to write a whole page of nonsense when the same thing can be said in a few sentences or a paragraph instead. Hmm, if you can catch my drift? LOL. Well, I guess this is just my writing style and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. LOL. I mean, as they say each and everyone of us is unique in our own way or something. Well, I guess this is just how God designed me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Oh, not to mention that He happens to be the best artist that ever existed.

I'm Not a Fan of Mushy Songs

You know what? I have grown to dislike listening to mushy songs since I had Bipolar Disorder. Well, I'm thinking it has something to do with my head associating things in an unlikeable way which is honestly pretty damn annoying not to mention that it's really pissing me off. Damn it. I mean, my head doesn't associate things this way before I had Bipolar Disorder. Damn, I don't know what happened to my damn head why associating things went to worse from bad to worst from worse. Well, I guess this is the curse that comes along with having this kind of head I have or maybe the curse that comes along with having this Bipolar Disorder I have. You know what? It's like unwanted thoughts are trying to trespass inside my head and I just don't have a single clue how am I gonna stop those unwanted thoughts from trespassing 'coz it's really ruining my mood. Well, it's like the same thing is happening all over again. I mean, something like this happened around the second quarter of last year which somehow triggered my psychotic mind to drop by.

You know what? It seems like everything's been a cycle since I had this Bipolar Disorder. Well, I don't know why. I mean, all I know is if ever a cycle is really going on then I wanna put a stop to it and it better be now 'coz I don't wanna be a pain in the ass to those who put up with me all through these years that I'm suffering Bipolar Disorder. Hey, I'm trying to move on here. It's just that I don't know why I have a funny feeling that every time I try to make a step forward some creatures are doing everything in their power just to pull me backwards. Oh, here I go with my funny feelings without any basis at all. I mean, I think I better remind myself that when I don't really know the whole story then it's much better for me to keep my damn mouth shut. Well, for the mean time I guess it's much better for me to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, I guess that will make the world a better place to live in. Damn it.

By the way, I'm an imaginative mind so I hope it won't come as a surprise if I'll end up being right in trying to read other creatures' wild imagination. Well, I guess I'll just go and let those other creatures think what they want. Hmm, let's just say it's like dreamers being told by skeptics to dream all they want 'coz it's free to dream anyway. LOL. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to simply end it as that. Well, it's just that there are times when trying to think like other creatures think makes me be in a bad mood and when I react while being in a bad mood I may end up saying things that are cold and I don't wanna end up hurting other creatures. Oh, it's just that in the previous cycles of my psychotic mind's visits I wasn't able to calm myself anymore. I was such in a bad mood that I wasn't able to hold all the negativity and cold words in and just let it all out by nagging or shall I say screaming. Oh, and to make things worst I ended up releasing all the negativity and cold words to the wrong people which happens to be my immediate family.

Well, I guess this is what I got for being such a silent type kind of person. Hmm, maybe in my blog I'm noisy. LOL. Well, a silent kind of noise that is. Hmm, it's just that me talking to somebody verbally about what I think is close to never. I mean, who would bother to listen to all my nonsense to begin with? Hmm, so I guess it's much better for me to type my thoughts down instead. You know what? I guess I'm just not over the mind reading without a gadget issue or something. You know what? I feel like I'm born in the wrong generation. LOL. Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to learn how to Master the Art of Deadma whenever those unwanted thoughts try to trespass inside my head or whenever my head ends up associating things in an unlikeable way. Hmm, I'm thinking this issue has something to do why I wanna study Psychology or something. It's just that I don't think I'll be able to study Psychology in a formal school. I mean, it seems like I'm not ever going back to school anytime soon or maybe in my whole damn life.