No Ideas on What to Write Next

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm thinking in the following days I won't be religiously updating my blog anymore the way I am religiously updating it since I began posting on my blog. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense to talk about and I don't want to pressure myself in coming up with ideas on what to write next. Yeah, right. As if I can do away with pressure as I am make-believing that I am working as an amateur writer here online. Damn it. You know what? I'm thinking my readers if I ever do have some are sick and tired of me babbling the same things over and over again. Damn, how many times do I have to repeat that?

By the way, I'm writing this blog draft on a Friday and I just watched all over again the second movie installment of this Fantasy book series I had been busy reading lately. You know what? If I'm not mistaken a decade ago I was fifteen years old and in third year high school and two decades ago I was five years old and if I'm not mistaken in kindergarten one. Nothing much. I'm still wondering what it will be like if I kept a blog since then or something. It's just that I only learned that there's such thing as an internet way back first year high school not to mention that it was also back then when I discovered that there's such thing as a computer. On second thought there's nothing much going on in my life back then anyway so what am I gonna write in my blog.

Damn, I remember when I was eight I wanted to be the youngest bestselling author of all time. LOL. Well, I guess such isn't happening 'coz I'm already in my mid-twenties and all I can do for now is to keep on updating my blog as I'm make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Hmm, am I saying the same things over and over again? Yeah, I think so. LOL. Hmm, so what something new am I gonna talk about? Well, stuffs around here are still the same old same old so there's really nothing new to talk about or something. LOL. Hmm, I did research on interesting blog topics online. It's just that when I browsed through it I don't feel like coming up with a blog draft for most if not all of the blog topic suggestions. Well, whatever. Damn it. LOL.

Hmm, I wonder if my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Well, I don't really know. Damn, it's not easy to be a writer, mind you. Yeah, right. I find it quite a challenge to be writer at this point when I'm still make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online so how much more if I really am a real writer in the real world everybody knows. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hey, my blog just survived quarter of a year last 15^th of September which in fairness something I can consider as an achievement. You know what? I'm thinking why won't I try to write something that makes some sense. It's just that it seems like I don't know how to distinguish what makes sense and what does not. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, I guess it's much better for me to just keep on writing without worrying that much if my thoughts make some sense or not. LOL.

You know what? I'm still thinking of joining a writing workshop. It's just that I have a funny feeling this isn't the right time for me to do that. Or maybe it isn't such a good idea or something. I mean, I'm not that high school girl anymore. Well, what I mean is I don't write as good as I do way back high school 'coz I forgot about writing when college came and my writing skills unfortunately became rusty so here I am trying to polish it again since I had my Bipolar Disorder. Hmm, it's just that I can't bring my high school self back most especially my fourteen year old self. Well, I may feel like a tween all over again by doing stuffs such as reading this Fantasy book series I had been busy reading lately and watching the movie installments of the said Fantasy book series over and over again. It's just that if I think it over I'm only making a fool out of myself 'coz I'll never be my fourteen year old self all over again. Well, as they say there's nothing constant in this world but change. Oh, and thanks to my Bipolar Disorder for the many changes.

The Journey Came to an End

So I'm one hundred percent done reading this Fantasy book series I had been busy reading lately and it was quite a journey. If I'm not mistaken it took me thirty-three days to read the whole Fantasy book series. Hmm, so I guess I can now say that I didn't miss half of my life after all or something. LOL. So I guess that's much it for my reading progress update which is one hundred percent complete as of the moment. You know what? As an advice I think it's much better to properly read a book instead of doing some speed reading 'coz if one speed reads the tendency is one will most likely miss out a lot on the story or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift.

Hmm, so why won't I talk about something else? Well, my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” that I uploaded on a video sharing website's channel carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” achieved three milestones out of the ten milestones that I'm wishing for so far. Well, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. You know what? I have a funny feeling that this blog book of mine is just for personal keeps. Well, what I'm trying to say I don't think it's a good idea to sell my work of art or something. I mean, I'm thinking no one in one's right mind will ever bother to spend some of one's hard earned dough just to read my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between. Yeah, I guess so.

Well, I'm still gonna keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online though. Hmm, I don't know for how long will I survive though I hope it will be until the end of my time here in this world of the living. You know what? I'm thinking of asking for a sign from God. I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with asking for a sign, right? If you ask me it's simply a way of asking for God's guidance or something. Hmm, so here's the sign I'm asking for. I'll go and sell my work of art which is my blog book to the whole damn world only if I'll receive a message from a literary agent saying that my work of art which is my blog book has the potential of making it as a next bestselling book. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL. Damn it.

It's just that since I am someone in my mid-twenties who is unemployed not to mention unemployable and it seems like the only things I'm good at are reading and writing then I find it really ideal to start earning my own dough by writing so I'm setting a deadline for that sign I am asking from God and it's gonna be this 15^th of December 2013. I mean, maybe at that time I should have written 97,500 words of nonsense which makes my blog book worthy enough to be submitted to literary agents. Hmm, if the sign won't arrive by the 15^th of December 2013 then I'm gonna go and start submitting my work to literary agents the next day. Hmm, am I making some sense here or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? Well, whatever.

You know what? They say what's amazing in being a writer or an author or whatever you call it is when one's body die one still lives on through what one has written. I mean, if you can catch the drift. Well, one of the good things of being a writer is being able to leave something in this world of the living after one's time in this world of the living is up. I guess that's why I'm trying to figure out what is the better way to preserve one's thoughts or something. Is it through posting it on a blog online? Or is it having my thoughts printed on a short bond paper and book bounded? It's just that I came to think what if the internet won't be there 'til the end of time and all my literary masterpieces that I worked hard for will just perish with it. I also came to think what if I'll have it printed on a short bond paper and book bounded and then when I die those I left behind will find it as rubbish and throw my literary masterpieces in the trash and will most probably rot in a dump site. Hmm, am I making some sense here? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I wonder what it will be like if “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn will really be a published book and it will be kept on re-published and re-published through generations and generations or something. Hmm, sounds like a good idea. LOL. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL.

Nothing's Fun in Mind Reading

You know what? At times I can't help wonder if is it possible to read someone else's mind and surprisingly I had some sort of an answer thanks to Mr. Jersey Seventeen and his educational program 'coz in one of the program's episodes they featured that there are some scientists who are coming up with gadgets that can read people's minds or something. Well, it's just that I'm talking about mind reading without the aid of a gadget. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, I think I'll go out of my mind if God will give me the gift of mind reading and I think if somebody out there will try to read my mind that person will surely go out of one's mind as well. Damn it. LOL.

Well, I may be writing a blog online but it doesn't mean that I'm babbling everything here on my blog or something. I mean, I think there are a lot of things in my life that are best kept to myself or what. I mean, if you can catch my drift so the thought that it's possible for other people to read what the hell is going on in my head is quite annoying the same way the idea of being a guinea pig annoys me too much. Damn it. Oh, did I say it's much better for me not to care about what other people think about me? Yeah, right. And then here I go hoping to receive criticisms from my readers if I ever do have some. Damn, why am I so ironic? Well, that if I understand the word “ironic” correctly or am I giving a whole new meaning to the word or something. LOL. Damn it.

Oh, I'm still running one hundred percent done reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Well, nothing much. I just feel like giving a reading progress update or something. LOL. Hmm, I guess it's another way of me saying that I don't have anything else in mind to talk about. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking that technology is really getting more and more advance by the minute and there's a possibility that reading someone else's mind is really possible these days it's just that only a few people have the privilege to avail of such technology. Well, I'm not talking about that mind reading gadget featured in one of the episodes of Mr. Jersey Seventeen's educational program. I'm talking about an unknown technology to many and is far more advanced. I mean, most of the gadgets or technology these days were once just a part of science fiction books and movies, right? I mean, if you can catch my drift. Yeah, I thought so. Damn it.

Well, I have nothing against whatever mind reading technology as long as nobody will ever dare to use it on me. I mean, I may be writing a blog online and babbling about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between but to tell you there are a lot of things in my life that I'd rather keep to myself. Hmm, so I guess I'm still “Mysterious Girl” after all, huh? Oh, did I say that I'm not a secretive kind of person? Well, I'm really not that secretive 'coz I don't have that much secrets at all to begin with. Well, aside from my darkest of darkest secret that is which is also that sensitive topic that I mentioned in my previous posts. Oh, I kept this darkest of darkest secret of mine since the middle of grade school and up until now the secret is still with me. LOL.

Well, if I'm not mistaken when I was psychotic I ended up telling a few people about this darkest of darkest secret of mine and for the record they were all women. LOL. Hmm, I don't know if they took me seriously when I told them about my darkest of darkest secret. It's just that one of them told me that it's part of being human. Hmm, I'm thinking one of them will insist that it's a sin and I better stop being chained to that darkest of darkest secret of mine but she didn't tell me so when I mentioned it to her. Well, maybe 'coz I didn't give her the time to say anything at all. And the rest of those to whom I mentioned my darkest of darkest secret were open-minded enough and told me that there's nothing wrong with me or something. Oh, it's just that this time around I'm not psychotic anymore so I'm not that out of my mind to blab to the whole damn world what my darkest of darkest secret is. LOL. I mean, after all I'm “Mysterious Girl”, remember? I guess I'm simply not that ready to talk about this sensitive topic or something. LOL.

My Way of Turning Back in Time

Hmm, I remember somebody once said that photos are amazing 'coz in that person's opinion taking photos is a means of freezing time. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, since I don't have a digital camera I'm thinking I can consider writing my thoughts as of the moment as my way of freezing time and reading my literary masterpieces all over again is my own way of turning back in time or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Hmm, as a reading progress update I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Damn, is my blog getting more and more boring by the minute? By the way, a compilation of all my blog posts from the 15^th of June 2013 to the 15^th of June 2014 printed on a short bond paper and book-bounded is my ideal birthday gift for next year. Well, never mind.

Yeah, right. As if somebody out there cares enough to make that birthday wish of mine come true. LOL. Hmm, I did some research on self-publishing only to discover that it's quite expensive so I better drop the idea considering that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to avail of such. Hmm, I'm thinking of researching on self-publishing an e-book for free online though and not to mention selling the self-published e-book online too. Well, I haven't written a publishing worthy book yet so if ever it's possible to self-publish an e-book for free online and sell my e-book then such is gonna take place ages from now so it's quite too early for me to worry too much about it. Damn, why am I thinking about self-publishing all over again? I mean, isn't I supposed to write a publishing worthy book first and then send it to literary agents? Well, I guess I'm just exploring for other options or something. I mean, what if no literary agent is willing to represent my book?

You know what? I'm kind of thinking by reading my literary masterpieces over and over again it's like I'm taking a trip way back memory lane from time to time and then here I go telling myself to stop being a prisoner of the past or something. I mean, what I mean is what's the point of me writing about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between as of the moment when it will become part of the past the next day and reading what I have written all over again will somehow make me a prisoner of the past or something. Hmm, am I making some sense here or what? Damn, I'm talking nonsense all over again. LOL. I mean, when I say “Prisoner of the Past” what I mean is being trapped in the bad memories making it a challenge for one to move on. Oh, so it's okay to write about my thoughts at present then. I mean, there may be bad memories but there are also good memories, right? Yeah, I thought so. Well, never mind. LOL.

Oh, I know I'm a fool for doing it but I found the nerve to send a mobile message to a radio station and asked them to help me get a thousand views for “A Broken Record” on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Damn, I'm thinking the disk jockey who unfortunately ended up reading my mobile message is most probably laughing one's ass off by now thinking that I'm such a stupid girl or something to even ask for what I asked for. LOL. Well, I still hope that a miracle will happen though and the radio station will help me get a thousand views for “A Broken Record” on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL. So what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. I mean, I'm trying to be not a prisoner of the past anymore and try to start thinking of fresh thoughts from now on. Damn, I'm such a boring person living such a super boring life. Well, I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between even if everything doesn't really make any sense at all. Oh, I'm really sorry about my subject-verb agreement not to mention my tenses. LOL. Damn, I wonder if somebody out there will ever bother to spare some of one's hard earned dough just to read my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between or people will spend the dough for a bar of chocolate instead. LOL.

Sounding Like a Broken Record

Hmm, as a reading progress update I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Damn, I feel like my blog is getting more and more boring by the minute. I mean, I'm thinking maybe my readers if I ever do have some are sick and tired of me babbling about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between not to mention my frustrations and how I'm living my frustrations even just inside the four walls of my room. Well, I guess for now all I can do is to keep on make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Damn, it's like spending more dough without earning a single centavo or something. Well, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL.

By the way, I'm writing this blog draft on a Sunday and I just watched all over again the first movie installment of this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days. Well, I ended up realizing that based on my fifth grade class picture I look mature when I was eleven making those who played the main characters of the Fantasy movie look like seven years old. LOL. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Damn, I wonder what's the secret to being a vampire. Well, I'm not really photogenic and I look different in pictures. Hmm, I may not be photogenic but I have to say that there are limited edition cameras out there that seem to have an automatic photoshop when it comes to taking photos of me. LOL. Well, I guess it depends on the angle and the lights or what.

So I guess it's quite clear by now that I'm such a boring person living such a super boring life, huh? LOL. Well, there's nothing new about that. LOL. You know what? I guess for now the best thing for me to do is to write a book first and then send it to literary agents. Damn, how many times do I have to repeat that? By the way, it's quite a challenge to brainstorm for a blog draft title lately. Hmm, I don't know with me. You know what? If I ever do have readers which is quite a miracle then I wanna know them and I also want to know what they think of my blog. Well, maybe I just want to learn how to deal with criticisms. I mean, being criticized comes with being a writer, right? Yeah, I thought so. Well, I know not all criticisms are good and I also don't know if I already know how to handle not-so-constructive criticisms. Damn, I just wanna learn how to.

Well, I guess I'll be waiting in vain for criticisms from readers 'coz I'm pretty sure that I don't have readers at all. LOL. I'm thinking if somebody was ever able to drop by my blog then that person just browsed through the web page and then closed the tab right after. I mean, if you can catch my drift. By the way, I'm not satisfied with the services offered by those websites who promise to turn one's blog into a professional looking blog book. Well, I don't know with me. You know what? I guess it's not a good idea to take stuffs in my hands and all that when it comes to publishing a book someday. I guess it's much better to submit my work to literary agents first.

I'm thinking if someone will ask me what genre I think my blog “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn belongs then I'll most probably answer that it belongs to Psychology perhaps. Well, I don't really know. Or maybe it simply belongs to Diary or something. Or maybe it simply belongs to Blogs. Or maybe it doesn't belong in any genre at all. Or maybe it simply belongs to Rubbish. LOL. Hmm, maybe a time will come when I won't be religiously updating my blog anymore. Well, I don't really know. You know what? I wish a literary agent will end up dropping by my blog, read my posts, end up liking it, advise me to turn my blog into a book, and offer to represent my book to publishing companies. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. Well, who knows? I mean, it was quite a surprise that someone shared some of my posts on a social networking site and it's also quite a surprise to discover via social networking message that a music arranger arranged a background music for my song “A Broken Record”. Hmm, so I'm thinking why not in the coming future I'll receive a message from a literary agent who is willing to help me make my dream to be a writer come true. Hmm, on second thought I haven't written that much on my blog for it to be book worthy yet and not to mention publishing worthy so I still have a long way to go.

When I Have Given It Up

It's quite funny that when I have given up my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist I ended up discovering via a message on a social networking site that a music arranger decided to arrange a background music for my song “A Broken Record”. Well, I checked out the link sent to me and listened to what that music arranger came up with. Hmm, I didn't reply to that music arranger's social networking message. Well, I think I'll go and listen to what that music arranger came up with again before I give an opinion. I'm thankful for the music arranger's efforts though. It's just that I have given up on my dream to be singer songwriter slash recording artist so it's sad for me to say that the music arranger's efforts will only go into waste or in vain or what.

I'm thinking it will take some time before my lyric video for my song “A Broken Record” will reach another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Yeah, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas or make it a million. LOL. Well, I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days as a reading progress update. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Oh, the background music the music arranger came up with for my song wasn't complete 'coz if I remember it correctly the music arranger said in the social networking message that the last part of my song was quite confusing and the melody was a bit difficult to figure out. Well, that's how I remember it or shall I say understand it.

Oh, if I understand it correctly when I checked that website offering services such as turning a blog into a professional looking book I figured out that it's me who will shoulder the shipping aside from the price of the blog book itself. Oh, not to mention that I also discovered that the shipping is quite expensive as well as the pricing of the blog book itself so I guess it's much better for me to drop the idea considering the reality that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to spend for it. Hmm, so I guess this is another downside of being unemployed not to mention unemployable. Hey, why won't I just go back to the old-fashioned way which is to write a book first and then send it to literary agents? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Well, never mind. LOL.

Well, there's really nothing much to talk about. Hmm, I'm thinking of joining a writing workshop. It's just that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do that. Oh, I haven't updated my social networking profiles carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” for weeks now. I mean, what am I gonna update it with? LOL. Damn, it's so sad my headset with microphone got broken and is most probably in a dump site by now. Well, I have given up on my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist anyway so what's the point of a headset with microphone. Hmm, I'm just thinking of coming up with my own cover of my favorite songs or something. Well, I guess it's much better for me to just forget about it and just focus on updating my blog instead.

You know what? I'm not really that good when it comes to singing with a musical instrument. It's just that I have a funny feeling that I sing better acapella or something. Well, I tried to sing a song via videoke a few weeks ago and it just didn't quite went that well or what. Hmm, I don't know with me. Well, I guess it has something to do with what they call as timing which reminds me that I dropped my piano and guitar lessons back then after realizing that I don't have a single clue what the heck timing is all about. LOL. You know what? My vocabulary is really limited. I think I was only able to learn the basic English words and then I go repeating the same words over and over again in my sentences. Nothing much. It just crossed my mind and I felt like writing it down. LOL. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with it, right? I mean, at least my readers if I ever do have some don't have to carry along a dictionary with them every time they read my literary masterpieces. LOL. Damn, what am I saying? Well, never mind. LOL. Hmm, so the dream still lives on, huh? I mean, it seems like my dream to be a writer someday will never fade away. LOL.

Giving Up On Something

Hey, it doesn't mean that I'm giving up my dream to be a singer songwriter slash recording artist someday I'm not gonna sing anymore. LOL. I mean, I guess I have every right to sing my lungs out whenever I feel like singing, right? Oh, not to mention that I'm not that fond of singing with a microphone so most likely my voice won't boom out of the house. Hmm, can you catch my drift or am I writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand what the heck I am talking about? LOL. Oh, my dream to be a writer still lives on and it seems like it will never fade away. By the way, I'm thinking of dropping the idea of turning my blog into a professional looking book so it seems like signing up on a website and downloading the software that can help me turn my blog into a blog book from the said website will go into waste. Well, never mind.

I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my life from now on. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? Oh, did I say “life”? Damn, how can I say that when if I think it over I don't have a “life”? LOL. Hmm, so why won't I rephrase it? Okay, I think I should have said I'm still gonna do whatever I can to document my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between from now on. Hmm, I guess that's much better. LOL. So I'm still running one hundred percent done in reading this Fantasy book series I'm reading these days and I guess I need to remind myself over and over again that it's supposed to entertain me and not pressure the hell out of me. Well, I guess high school was not the right time to read the Fantasy book series I'm reading these days due to my bad reading comprehension. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL.

Oh, not to mention college 'coz up until college my reading comprehension was still as bad as ever. You know what? If I think it over I slowly learned how to read with comprehension since I had Bipolar Disorder. Well, it didn't happen overnight to learn how to understand what the heck I am reading. It took years and my reading comprehension is slowly getting better and better as the years pass by. Well, my Bipolar Disorder may be one of the worst if not the worst that happened in my whole damn life but I'm kind of considering the possibility that having this Bipolar Disorder can somehow be a blessing in disguise. Oh, I realized and learned a lot since I had my Bipolar Disorder not to mention that it also gave me so much to write about. I mean, if I didn't have this Bipolar Disorder I would not have the courage to keep a blog like what I'm doing now.

Damn, so I'm an unemployed not to mention unemployable make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, if I can only start earning my own dough by writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't have a single penny in my pocket not to mention that I'm still dependent on my parents. It's just that I have a strong feeling that being a writer is really the right path for me and I'm praying that God is working on it to make my dream to be a writer come true someday. Yeah, right. It's like in my wildest dreams. LOL. But what if God is really working on making my dream come true?

Well, if being a writer is really what I'm meant to be then I'm not done with step one yet which is to write a book and I'm supposed to worry about the next step after I have written my book that I can consider as publishing worthy. By the way, I'm still undecided if I'll post the implicit version of “Behind the Mask” here on my blog or not. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I'm gonna read it again or something. I mean, you know how I usually end up forgetting what I have written in the past. LOL. You know what? I wonder what it will be like to read what I have written these days a decade from now or something. Hmm, I'm thinking that will be quite interesting. LOL. I'm living my life the best way I can the way I know how. Well, I don't know where my life is going and I guess the best thing for me to do is to put it in God's hands. Hmm, for the mean time I have my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between to document for now and amen.