I'm So Stuck In My Own Dreams

I was daydreaming last night as a lullaby to sleep and I was like it seems like my daydreams are gonna remain as daydreams until my time in this world of the living is up. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I'm thinking maybe it's time for me to stop living my dreams or shall I say frustrations even just inside the four walls of my room. I'm thinking it's time for me to try to make my dreams or shall I say frustrations come true in the real world everybody knows. Well, problem is am I ready for whatever that is that comes along with making my dreams or shall I say frustrations come true. Damn, I don't really know. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. Damn, what am I saying? Well, I don't know with me.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go and wait until December. Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? I don't really have that much in mind right now. I mean, I just feel like writing so here I am coming up with another blog draft. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? It's not that easy make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. I mean, not to mention that I'm such a boring person living such a super boring life. You know what? I'm thinking of touring around the city where I grew up in and document my travels. Well, I know it sounds weird 'coz I'm talking about the city where I grew up in which means I'm already familiar with the place and it's like there's nothing new to discover. Hmm, on second thought touring around the city where I grew up in can wait since I don't have a digital camera to document my travels not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, so might as well just stay stuck inside my cave where I peacefully belong for now. LOL. Damn, so it seems like being unemployed has infinite downsides, huh?

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? I'm really thinking of sending some of my poems to a local newspaper. I mean, I really sense no harm in it. Hmm, it's just that I'm kind of wondering why is there a part of me telling me that it's not such a good idea. Well, I don't know with me. Damn it. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. You know what? It seems like I'm just repeating the same things over and over again or something. Well, it's just that I really don't have that much in mind right now. By the way, I'll really appreciate it if my readers if I ever do have some will send me a critique when it comes to my writing style. LOL. Hmm, or why won't I just join a writing workshop instead or something.

You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is just to keep on doing what I'm doing even if I don't know if what I'm doing is going somewhere or what. Damn, I'm sounding like a broken record all over again. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. You know what? I'm thinking of starting off a business or something even if I know I'm not a business-minded kind of person. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I guess the best thing for me to do for now is to keep on updating my blog book as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online or something. Damn, I guess that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. You know what? I have a funny feeling that I really sound like a broken record in this blog draft or something. Well, I guess that's just me and the best thing for me to do is just to live with it. Damn, I wonder if have I written 97,500 words of nonsense by now. Well, I don't really know. You know what? I really sense no harm in sending a query to literary agents. Damn.

Overcome My Fear of Failure

I went surfing online a while ago and I ended up bumping into a list of instructions on how to send a book proposal to a publishing company that is based in this country where I live in. Hmm, so I came up with a book proposal and I'm thinking of sending it by the time I have written 97,500 words of nonsense. I mean, I guess it's time for me to overcome my fear of failure or something. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. You know what? I'm thinking I better wait until next year or something. I mean, what if the publishing company will just throw my work of art in the trash or something. Damn, won't that be so heartbreaking? Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Oh, why won't I ask for a sign? I mean, I'm thinking I'll only send a book proposal to this said publishing company by the time my blog book miraculously survives a year. Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. By the way, I also went job hunting online a while ago and researched on how to start a business or something. Oh, not to mention that I also checked out my news feed on a social networking site and stalked my favorite celebrities on a micro-blogging website. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do for now is to keep on documenting my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between and not think too much about literary agents, publishing companies, and not to mention being the next bestselling author who wrote the next bestselling book. Damn, I'm sounding like a broken record all over again. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL.

You know what? I'm thinking I'm just pressured to start earning my own dough at this point in my life. Hmm, it's just that it's nothing new that I'm unemployable not to mention that I want to be my own boss. Oh, to add to that it seems like I wasn't really able to develop some interpersonal skills considering that I'm such a loner since time in memorial which means I find it hard to be with people and to adjust to people. I mean, if you can catch my drift. By the way, the Punk Princess' self-titled fifth studio record album is out now if I'm not mistaken. Hmm, it's just that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to grab a copy and that comes with a sad face. LOL. Damn, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. You know what? I think I'm not meant to be an employee in a company. I'm thinking I'm meant to be a businesswoman. Damn, did I say “businesswoman”? I mean, that sounds like a tough one, huh? LOL. Hmm, problem is I'm not really a business-minded kind of person not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket pocket to start off a business or something. Damn it. LOL.

You know what? I'm thinking of keeping on saving in my coin bank in ten pesos coin denomination for the sake of having a capital to start off a business someday. Hmm, so for the mean time I'm gonna try and figure out a business with a lot of potential that I'm gonna get myself into. You know what? I'm thinking of the basic needs of an individual aside from money 'coz let's face it that each one of us won't be able to have any of our basic needs if our pockets are empty. Damn it. Well, so it's gonna be food, clothing, shelter, and if one is sick then medicines. Oh, not to mention water and electricity. Hmm, I'm thinking appliances, gadgets, cellphone load or internet load and so on and so forth are just secondary needs or something. Well, I don't really feel like getting into food business though it seems like it's the most intelligent choice since people eat everyday 'coz the pessimist in me is telling me that I don't wanna have anything to do with food poisoning. Damn it. Oh, when it comes to shelter I don't have a single penny in my pocket to venture into an apartment business. Hmm, so I'm thinking of getting into a clothing retail store business instead. Well, it's just that people don't buy clothes everyday or something. You know what? I'm really thinking of putting up a secondhand bookshop someday. Damn it.

Wondering What to Write Next

Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense out here. Hmm, there's really nothing much to talk about. I mean, I just feel like writing so here I am coming up with another blog draft. Damn, I wonder when will I ever get the chance to travel all around the world or something. LOL. Hmm, on second thought traveling all around the world is just a want and it's not really a need so might as well just forget about that want for now. You know what? I guess it's much better for me to stay stuck inside my cave where I peacefully belong. LOL. Oh, not to mention that I think it will be interesting to be a backpacker. Hmm, it's just that for one's safety I don't think it's advisable to travel around as a backpacker all alone. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, it's not that easy make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online, mind you. I mean, I'm really running out of nonsense out here. Damn it.

Oh, not to mention that there's really nothing much going on in my damn life these days. You know what? I'm thinking of getting into business. Hmm, it's just that I don't know what kind of business am I gonna get myself into. Well, on second thought I have not saved that much in my coin bank for me to start off a business or something. I mean, I really have a funny feeling that I'm unemployable. Oh, not to mention that I wanna be my own boss. Damn, how many times do I have to keep on saying the same damn things over and over again? Hmm, I don't know with me. Damn it. LOL. By the way, my blog book nearly has 97,500 words of nonsense. I mean, if my Math serves me right a few more blog drafts to go and my blog book will finally reach the quota. You know what? I'm thinking not to wait until the mid of December in sending a query to literary agents. I mean, I'm thinking of sending a query to literary agents by the time my blog book reaches the quota of having 97,500 words of nonsense. Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL.

Hmm, I have another option in mind. I mean, I'm thinking of sending some of my poems to a local newspaper or something. Well, I don't really know. Damn, why am I so undecided? Well, I don't know with me. You know what? I'm thinking this isn't the right time for me to send a query to literary agents or to send some of my poems to a local newspaper. Oh, not to mention that I don't even know if there's a right time at all. You know what? I'm thinking maybe what God can only give me is the chance to make-believe that I'm working as an amateur writer online. Well, it's not because God doesn't have what it takes to make me the next bestselling author who wrote the next bestselling book. I mean, I'm thinking it's because God can see the future that's why there are prayers left unanswered. Hmm, maybe God thinks I'm not ready for whatever that is that comes along with being a bestselling author in the real world everybody knows. You know what? I'm thinking why am I always saying “I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online.” when I can simply say that “I'm a blogger.”. Well, I don't know with me. Damn it. LOL.

Damn, I'm just trying to live my life to the fullest here the way I know how. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. Oh, since I deactivated my social networking account in which I kept on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” then it seems like it will take ages for my lyric video to achieve another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL. Damn, I'm really running out of nonsense out here. Hmm, so I guess the best thing for me to do now is to keep on updating my blog as I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. I mean, I guess it's my own way of living my life to the fullest or something. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Something New to the Table

You know what? I have a funny feeling that my readers if I ever do have some are sick and tired of me babbling nothing but my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between so I'm kind of thinking of offering something new to the table like being a travel blogger possibly since it seems like I'm a home buddy who wants to travel. Damn, it's just that how am I gonna be able to do that not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Oh, to add to that I also don't have a digital camera in which I can take photos and videos to document my travels or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Hmm, so I guess for now I'll stay as an amateur writer documenting or shall I say babbling about my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between which is not that bad after all. I mean, if you ask me I really don't have any problem with that. Well, it's just that I don't know with those on the other side of the coin and I'm talking about my readers if I ever do have some. Hmm, what am I saying? Damn it.

Well, on second thought the frustrated writer in me wants my blog to be all words for now which means my blog doesn't have any room for photos and videos from my travels if I ever do get the chance to travel. Hmm, I'm thinking maybe I'll just upload the photos on a photo sharing website and upload the videos on a video sharing website to make the whole damn world a better place to live in. You know what? I'm thinking it's really advisable for an artist to invest in a digital camera. Oh, and it doesn't have to be those expensive not to mention bulky digital cameras. I mean, I'm talking about those affordable and handy digital cameras that anyone can just keep inside one's shoulder bag or something. Well, problem is I still can't afford even the most affordable handy digital cameras out in the market these days. By the way, this 4^th of November 2013 I ended up shedding five coins in my coin bank to have a taste of a Brownie Flavoured Ice Cream coated with Belgian Chocolate and Cashew Nuts. Well, it's not everyday that I can have one anyway so go ahead and judge me. LOL. Damn, I want Chocolate Cake for Christmas. LOL.

You know what? I know I'm not really that good when it comes to researching on search engines but I'm thinking of doing the best I can to search for home-based writing jobs or something. I mean, I'm really a home buddy and I'm thinking it's really best for me to work from home or what. Hmm, or why won't I just go and send some of my poems to a local newspaper? I mean, who knows what if a poem I wrote will make it for publication and then the local newspaper decides to pay me for my contribution or something. Well, I don't really know. Damn, it seems like I'm repeating the same things over and over again. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about aside from my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between? Well, I don't really know. Damn it. LOL. Oh, maybe I'll go and send a query to literary agents by January of next year. Well, I don't really know. I mean, it seems like my fear of failure is damn resurfacing again.

Hmm, I guess it's much better for me to forget about being a travel blogger for now. Oh, not to mention that I don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. Hmm, I don't even have a digital camera to document my travels to begin with. You know what? I'm still thinking of dropping by a professional photo studio to have a photo of myself by a professional photographer. Hmm, or why won't I just drop the idea not to mention that I also don't have a single penny in my pocket to do so. You know what? Some friends I met way back high school that I added on my social networking account carrying my official pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” still left my friend requests pending. Well, as a Christmas wish I hope these high school friends that I'm talking about will accept my friend requests some time soon. Hmm, or maybe that's why these high school friends that I'm talking about still left my friend requests pending is because they don't wanna be friends with me anymore. Well, I don't really know. Oh, not to mention that I'm not really close to any of them or basically to anyone in this whole wide world to begin with. LOL.

A Home Buddy Wants to Travel

I may be a home buddy but I have to say that one of the many things that I want to do in my bucket list is to travel all around the world. Oh, not to mention documenting my travels at the same time. LOL. Well, problem is I can't do that for now 'coz obviously I don't have a single penny in my pocket for me to do so. You know what? I'm kind of wondering why am I often saying “I don't have a single penny in my pocket.” when I can simply say “I'm broke.”. I mean, if you know what I mean or shall I say if you can catch my drift. LOL. Well, so I guess being unemployed has infinite downsides, huh? You know what? I'm thinking of keeping on saving in my coin bank in ten pesos coin denomination to buy a new camera phone. Hmm, on second thought I know someone here who is planning to buy oneself a new mobile phone sometime soon so I'm kind of wishing that that someone will consider to give me one's old camera phone. LOL.

You know what? I'm kind of thinking before touring around the whole wide world why won't I kick off touring around my own country or something. I mean, in all fairness I have to say that I live in such a beautiful country, mind you. Well, it's just that before anything else I need a digital camera in which I can do some video recording aside from taking photos for me to document my travels. LOL. By the way, the last time I dropped by online I bumped into a headline on a search engine's homepage saying that teenagers these days are somewhat staying away from social networking sites. Well, thing is I didn't bother to read the whole article so I don't really know what the whole story is all about. Oh, speaking of social networking sites. I mean, since my late teenage years I just added anyone as friend on my social networking accounts even if I don't know that person in person. Well, maybe I was just so bored with life so I went playing around by adding as many people as I can on my social networking accounts not to mention that it's not really such a big deal 'coz it only takes a few seconds to add a person or something. Hmm, damn.

Well, there came a time when I deactivated my old social networking accounts then created a new one and I decided to only add those that I went to school with. Oh, it's just that this said social networking account got hacked by bullies so I ended up deleting this social networking account that I'm talking about. Well, when I began carrying my pen name Adeline Chrystyn I created a social networking account carrying my pen name then I only added a few of my cousins and a few friends way back grade school, high school, and college. Oh, these said cousins, said friends, and I aren't really close. I mean, I decided to add these said cousins and said friends because they were the only ones who leaves a mark while I am growing up as a person not to mention that I also want to be updated on what's going on in their lives these days. Well, if you can catch my drift. Well, most of them accepted my friend request. Hmm, it's just that some of them did not.

Damn, why am I going off topic all over again? I mean, I'm supposed to write about being the home buddy that I am wanting to travel all around the world. Hmm, on second thought wanting to travel all around the world is just a want and it's not a need at all so why won't I just drop the idea for now. By the way, I'm thinking of joining a writing workshop. You know what? I think it's much better for me to take short term workshops or courses or seminars than to study graduate school. I mean, it's like taking up a two-week workshop on Painting or something instead of taking up Fine Arts or what. Oh, or it's like taking up a two-week workshop on Writing instead of taking up Creative Writing or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Oh, not to mention that it's much better if the workshops are for free considering that I don't have a single penny in my pocket or something. I mean, I'm just scared what if I go back to graduate school then my psychotic mind will drop by again then I'll end up dropping out of school in the last minute or something. Well, so I'm thinking might as well take short term workshops instead . Hmm, damn.

An Uncertain Path to Take

Well, it's All Souls' Day and the home buddy that I am still opt to stay stuck inside my cave where I peacefully belong. Hmm, I went online a few hours ago to check on a social networking site if my cousin who just got married uploaded wedding photos. Well, it turns out that she didn't so far so it seems like I just ended up wasting my time. Hmm, so I went checking out who among my friends on the said social networking site was online at that time and greeted them a “Happy Halloween”. Well, I know it's kind of late 'coz Halloween is supposed to be on the night of the 31^st of October towards midnight if I'm not mistaken. LOL. By the way, I also uploaded on a micro-blogging website that black and white photo I came up with last Thursday if I'm not mistaken and wrote something like when my time in this world of the living is up I want to be remembered as a complicated girl who once lived in a simple world. LOL. Hmm, whatever. LOL.

You know what? I really sense no harm in sending a query to literary agents by December or something so why is there a part of me telling me that it's not such a good idea. Well, maybe 'coz it's my fear of failure resurfacing all over again. I mean, what if literary agents won't see any potential in my work of art or something and just throw in the trash what I worked hard for in the past few months? Damn, won't that be so heartbreaking? Oh, not to mention that I'm not writing a book that has a beginning, a middle, and an end just like what novels are supposed to be according to the online articles that I have read. Well, on second thought my blog book “Mysterious Girl” by Adeline Chrystyn is not a novel to begin with. I mean, my blog book or shall I say my work of art is simply a written document of my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” last June.

You know what? I'm still thinking of sending some of my poems to a local newspaper. Well, it's just that problem is I have a funny feeling that it's not such a good idea. Oh, not to mention that I don't really know if I'm ready for criticisms especially for those not-so-constructive criticisms expressed in a barbaric way. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to keep on blogging even if I don't know where what I'm doing is going. By the way, a college friend asked me through chat on a social networking site a few hours ago if am I thinking of going back to school and proceed to another business-related course. Well, I told her that I'm not interested. Hmm, those weren't really the exact words of our conversation but I guess the thought is there. LOL. I mean, as I've said I really feel like I don't belong in the corporate world. You know what? I'm kind of thinking since there's no such thing as a Creative Writing course in this country where I live in then the course in college closest to Writing that I can think of is no other than Literature.

Well, the problem with Literature is that I don't really feel like studying someone else's work of art. I mean, it's like I'm not really that interested in studying Shakespeare or whoever that is. Well, let's put it this way. I mean, it's like studying Music in grade school and high school. Hmm, it's like teachers and books discuss about Classical Music, Baroque Music, Contemporary Music, and whatever that is which I'm not a bit interested in 'coz my ideal kind of class in Music is for students to be taught how to play musical instruments like guitar, piano, bass, drums, violin, and what not. Oh, not to mention forming groups or bands then students get the chance to write their own songs plus play them in a mini-concert inside the school campus and stuffs like that. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Oh, or much better come up with a record album as a project for the finals or something. LOL. Hmm, it's just that I know I'm a fool enough to be idealistic especially in today's modern world or what. Oh, not to mention that who am I to suggest a new curriculum for Music in grade school and high school. LOL. Well, I'm thinking maybe some people will go and tell me if that's the case why didn't I just went into a conservatory then. LOL. Hmm, damn it.

Surprised by the Unexpected

It's All Saints' Day and I wasn't able to drop by the cemetery to visit the departed love ones. Well, I know it sounds a bit cheesy but those departed love ones will always be in my heart and in my mind and I don't need to physically visit their final resting place to offer them flowers, candles, and not to mention prayers. Oh, so it seems like the home buddy that I am opt to stay stuck inside my cave where I peacefully belong. Hmm, I went online a few hours ago to update my blog. Well, yesterday I was being the frustrated stylist, frustrated model, and frustrated photographer that I am all over again so I came up with an outfit, put it on, and took photos of myself wearing the said outfit. Hmm, so I came up with the best shots or shall I say frames then uploaded the black and white version of those photos on a social networking site. Oh, I also wrote on my status update that I want to be remembered as a complicated girl who once lived in a simple world and that I feel like playing a vampire-witch on a Halloween 'coz I won't pass as a saint. Hmm, damn.

By the way, when I browsed through my news feed on a social networking site a few hours ago a status update of my cousin who lives in a foreign country saying that she's getting married on the day she wrote that status update caught my attention. Well, I thought she was just joking or something so I didn't really take it seriously. Hmm, it's just that when I checked out the comments for her status update it seems like she wasn't joking at all and that she's really getting married. Well, the last time I checked my news feed on a social networking site my cousin changed her name. Hmm, strictly speaking she just added her “new” family name so I'm kind of thinking maybe it's really true that she's married and it wasn't all a joke after all. Well, I really don't have any problem with that not to mention that I don't have anything to do with it to begin with. Hmm, it's just that I have to say that I was so surprised with the news and it was really unexpected of her. I mean, if I base it on her social networking profile she's most of the time hanging out with girls so I'm kind of wondering how come a groom comes into the picture out of the blue or what.

Well, on second thought this cousin that I'm talking about and I aren't really close. I mean, strictly speaking I don't know anything about her. Well, I have to say that I was able to have a glimpse of what is she like and what her life is like through a social networking site. Hmm, it's just that I have to say that a social networking profile of a person doesn't really tell everything about a certain person. Well, if you ask me browsing through a person's social networking profile is like watching a movie. I mean, what we all see is just the end product and we don't have the slightest idea what happened behind the scenes. Hmm, if you can catch my drift. Well, so I'm thinking maybe my cousin decided to keep her relationship status as private. I mean, it doesn't mean that a person is keeping a social networking account then that said person is just gonna blab everything on one's profile, right? Hmm, and to think she's a year older than me which means she's in the right age to settle down. Well, so I guess it's much better for me to congratulate her or something.

By the way, I don't see myself settling down anytime soon or in my whole damn life. I mean, I'm not really the marrying type. Oh, and to begin with I'm single so who the hell am I gonna marry. Damn, I never even had a boyfriend my whole damn life. Well, I'm not a girlfriend material. I'm not a wife material. I'm not a mother material. Oh, so I guess as for me nothing much has changed 'coz I'm still choosing to be a virgin old maiden. LOL. By the way, I deactivated my social networking account in which I kept on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record”. Well, never mind the reason why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. LOL. Hmm, so I guess I won't be able to keep on promoting my lyric video in the coming days or something which means my Christmas wish won't be realized. Well, on second thought maybe those netizens who kept on bumping into my posts promoting my lyric video are super annoyed by now so I guess this is God's way of telling me to stop. Hmm, so it seems like I just listened to the sign.