Awakening the Poet in Me

Hmm, if you ask me I think a song is a poem. It's just that the difference is a song has a melody. You know what? I have a funny feeling that being a poet works better for me than being a songwriter. I mean, if you can catch my drift. LOL. Well, lately I haven't written a poem strictly speaking 'coz I have been writing songs for the past few months 'coz the words and the melody go hand in hand in popping out of my head whenever those once in a blue moon songwriting sessions drop by lately. Hmm, this time around I'm thinking of crashing the melody out of the equation and simply write poems instead. Oh, not to mention that I'm also thinking of sending some of the poems or songs I wrote since time in memorial to a local newspaper hoping for my poems or songs to get published or something. Hmm, let's just say this is one of my baby steps towards my dream to becoming a writer someday and I'm hoping that I'm thinking of doing the right thing or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, I don't really know. Damn it.

Well, the main objective here is to get my poems or songs published and somehow establish myself as a writer. Hmm, if the local newspaper will pay me for my poems or songs then I'm thinking that will make the whole damn world a better place to live in. LOL. I mean, if I'm not mistaken there are some people who say that there are stepping stones towards achieving one's dream or something. Well, not to mention that since I cannot join a writing workshop for now then it's much better for me to explore other options in order to polish my writing skills if I ever do have a skill in writing to begin with. Hmm, if ever any of my poems or songs made it for publication I hope the local newspaper will send me an e-mail message telling me so plus the date it will be published for me to get a copy of that newspaper issue. Damn, I wonder what will it feel like being a published poet on a local newspaper or something. Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Well, I have sent some of my poems or songs to this local newspaper a few years ago carrying a different pen name. It's just that I don't know if any of my poems or songs made it for publication. I mean, the local newspaper didn't send me an e-mail message saying that my poems or songs made it which gives me the impression that my poems and songs didn't make it at all. Well, as they say there's no such thing as an overnight success and there's nothing new that there will be epic fails along the way. Oh, speaking of epic fails my previous blogs that I deleted or abandoned will surely make it in the list. Hmm, not to mention that book I wrote a few years ago that I had book-bounded. Well, I can add my TweetBook with excerpts from my blog “Behind the Mask” to that and not to mention the seventy-page book “Behind the Mask” I wrote carrying one of my old pen names. Oh, and I can include in the list all the forgotten and countless attempts to writing a book since I was eight years old. LOL. It's just that the dream still lives on and that's an amen.

By the way, I have made a draft for my query that I will send to literary agents. Well, I know it's too early since I haven't written 97,500 words of nonsense yet. LOL. I mean, I guess I came to think that the best path to having my book published is to send my blog book to literary agents and not by taking matters in my own hands by having my blog book published online without spending a single centavo. Actually, I only have one literary agent in mind. Hmm, this literary agent came out in my google on a social networking site via mobile. Hmm, if she won't reply to my query within about two months then I'm gonna google for another literary agent to whom I will send my query to. Well, I guess the best thing for me to do is to learn how to handle rejections. Hmm, I guess being rejected is somehow the same as getting dislikes for my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” or something. Hmm, so the dream still lives on, huh?

Secrets to Success Still Unknown

You know what? I wonder what are the secrets to success. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, my cousin mentioned this book with a theme somehow related to the topic of this blog draft and not to mention that she didn't fail to express how amazed she is that most successful people of all time knew about these secrets. Well, she encouraged me to watch the documentary or film or whatever about this book about the secrets to being successful. Hmm, it's just that I don't have a copy of the documentary or film not to mention that I also didn't bother to research it whenever I drop by online. LOL. Well, when I was a student I did my best in studying my lessons so that I will be able to answer the examinations and then God did the rest. Hmm, I don't really consider myself successful as a student. I mean, not now that I realized that I don't have that much stock knowledge. Damn, if I only knew how to read with comprehension back then. Sigh. Damn it.

Hmm, I don't know if God really gave me the talents I have since time in memorial or am I just able to do what I know how to do due to being such a frustrated artist wanna-be or something. Well, all I know is I learned how to draw since the day I learned how to hold a pencil and I opt to write or type my thoughts down than expressing it verbally. Hmm, I don't know if artists are born or made and I don't know which one am I. Oh, which reminds me of multiple intelligences. I mean, there are a number of multiple intelligences and it's unfortunate that I can't enumerate them all in this blog draft 'coz I have forgotten most if not all of those multiple intelligences and I don't have the book where I read it from right now. Well, what I'm trying to point out is I read in the book that each and every person has all of the multiple intelligences. It's just that there are an average of two or three or more multiple intelligences that are more developed in a person. Okay?

Hey, I'm thinking if a single person can fully develop in one's self all of the multiple intelligences then I think that person can somehow be considered as a Renaissance Man, right? Damn, am I making some sense here or what? LOL. Hmm, I don't know which of my multiple intelligences are more developed. Oh, there's something I'm sure of and it's the reality that I'm not that developed musically. LOL. Well, in a sense that I don't know how to read musical notes plus play and create music or something. Hmm, but in fairness I like listening to music and totally agree with the saying that goes something like “Music Saves Souls”. LOL. Well, it's just that most of the time I like the music better when it's loud with a lot of pleasant screaming. Hmm, something like my favorite American rock band's music or something. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Or something like the Punk Princess' music or what. Well, something of those kinds. LOL. Damn it.

Well, I did research on what is the secret to writing a bestselling book. It's just that the research led me to nowhere. I mean, I even bumped into an article saying that there's no such thing as a secret to writing a bestselling book and I forgot the supporting details after that. Well, all I know is being an amateur writer online is not as easy as one-two-three, mind you. You know what? I'd really appreciate to receive some critique when it comes to my writing style. I mean, I'm just wondering what if I'm writing in English in a way that it's only me who can understand. LOL. You know what? I guess the best thing for me to do is to keep on writing for now and then when my blog book is ready then I'm gonna send my work of art to literary agents. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Well, I don't really know. Damn, am I making some sense here or what? Well, I don't really know. Hmm, I think I'm gonna go and research about this book about the secrets to success my cousin mentioned to me. Or maybe I'm just gonna go and research about the documentary or film based on this book. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, why won't I go and discover my own secrets to success as I journey towards a career in writing then? LOL. Well, I don't really know. Hmm, as of now the secrets to my success are still unknown if you ask me.

Life is All About Making Choices

Hmm, remember me saying that the book of life God wrote for each and every one of us is like a flowchart? Well, it's like what will happen next in our lives will depend on the choices that we make as of the moment. Hmm, am I making some sense here? Oh, now I came to wonder what if the choices we make in life are also predetermined in the book of life God wrote for each and every one of us. Well, I don't really know. All I know is I don't believe in destiny 'coz I believe in making choices. Hmm, sometimes we end up making the wrong choices but we learn from our mistakes in the end somehow. I mean, I think it's impossible for somebody to make the right choices all of the time, right? Well, this time around I'm choosing to take a path towards a career in writing. Hmm, I don't know where this path is going but I'm happy with the choice I made.

Well, career wise I choose to be a writer. It's just that when it comes to my personal life in the real world everybody knows I choose to be an old maiden. LOL. Oh, and for the record I'm single since birth or shall I say since the 17^th of July 1988 which means I never had a boyfriend my whole damn life and I'm proud of it. Well, not to mention that I'm also a sexual virgin which means I never had sex with anyone my whole damn life and I'm proud of it. LOL. Oh, I may have a crush on a few boys and at times men since I was eight years old 'til present and I may have daydreams about my crushes and I from time to time or as a lullaby to sleep since then. It's just that I'm not really that interested in boys or men which means I'm not interested in getting into a relationship with any boy or any men and that's an amen. LOL. Well, as I've said I just like the feeling of having crushes and daydreaming about my crushes and I as a lullaby before going to sleep and I'm not interested in anything more than that in the real world everybody knows. LOL.

I mean, if you ask me I think I'm not the girlfriend material, a wife material, and a mother material. LOL. Well, I'm thinking that it's much better for me to be an old maiden 'coz I'm not ready for whatever that is that comes with having a family. Hmm, if you know what I mean. Oh, not to mention that I'm not the marrying type. You know what? I think everyone knows that it takes a lot of responsibility to be a wife and a parent not to mention the all sorts of problems that comes along with it and it's just not my thing. I mean, I can honestly spend the rest of my life just writing here on my laptop as I am make believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online. LOL. Well, it's just that I know myself and I know what I can handle and what I cannot handle. You know what? I don't know with me but there are times when I find the thought of settling down and starting a family in the real world everybody knows synonymous to ruining my life.

Hey, I'm just trying to express myself here so I'd like to ask my readers if I ever do have some not to take what I wrote personally 'coz I'm not really writing for anyone else in particular. Well, it's nice to daydream about Mr. Jacob as a hubby and we have two kids which are twins. Hmm, one baby girl and one baby boy. Well, the twins are now seven years old. Hmm, the girl is bubbly and the boy is somewhat rational. Oh, not to mention that I'm already forty years old in this daydream of mine. LOL. It's just that it's just a daydream and reality is a whole lot different from that. I mean, take it from an expert when it comes to daydreaming. I have been daydreaming since time in memorial and up until now none of my daydreams did ever came true. Hmm, not a single one of it. LOL. I mean, it's like in real life things don't happen the way you expect it to be whereas in daydreams everything can be as perfect as you want it to be. Hmm, so I'd rather live in my daydreams then. Damn, if I only know how to put my daydreams into writing then I would have written a lot of novels by now. Hmm, on second thought I have forgotten most of my daydreams by now. Well, I don't know with me. Hmm, maybe my brain grew tired of daydreaming about those so my brain decided to put those daydreams in a brain shelf or something. LOL. Damn it.

Start Learning Something New

I'm thinking of learning more about “Psychology” more specifically on “Personality” or something. Hmm, I can either research about it online from time to time or drop by a secondhand bookshop and buy a book about “Personality”. Well, I'll think about it. Hmm, I don't know why but I have this funny feeling that I wasn't able to develop my own personality my whole damn life aside from being a loner since time in memorial. Well, I also have this funny feeling that there's a possibility that I have developed some sort of “Personality Disorder” while growing up. Hmm, those are just funny feelings anyway 'coz I'm not an expert to conclude such stuffs about the state of my personality as of the moment. LOL. Well, the main reason while I'm interested in “Psychology” is because I want to understand myself better. I mean, I can understand myself better through writing it's just that I think it's really different when there's the aid of an expert's point of view or something. Hmm, I think I'm gonna start researching on an online encyclopedia.

Well, if my memory serves me right I remember somebody once said that if you are able to understand yourself better then it will be easy for you to understand other people as well. Hmm, I don't know about that. Well, I think I'll focus more in understanding myself better before anything else. I mean, everything starts within me and then the rest will follow, right? Yeah, I thought so. LOL. Oh, I remember this saying that goes something like the way you judge is the way that you are. Well, if you ask me I don't think so. I mean, what if I'm a psychiatrist and I'm already an expert in my field then I judged this patient or something. Well, it doesn't mean that the way I judged this patient is the way that I am just because that's the way I judged this patient, right? I mean, if you can catch my drift or is my grammar getting more and more confusing?

Damn, what am I saying? I mean, I'm just trying to give out an opinion here or something and as a reminder I'm not an expert in Psychology. LOL. Oh, I'm not ever going back to school any time soon or maybe in my whole damn life. Hmm, which reminds me of getting into business. LOL. Well, it's just that I came to think self-publishing my own book is somewhat a form of business, right? I mean, instead of selling the typical ones like clothes, shoes, bags, other accessories, or whatever you can think of and not to mention food my product will be my own blog book. It's just that I don't know if self-publishing my own blog book without spending a single centavo is really possible or is it just a myth these days. LOL. Damn, why won't I just write my blog book to begin with and when it's ready I'm gonna send it to literary agents? Well, I don't really know.

Oh, not to mention that I better be ready how to handle rejections. I mean, even the first book of this Fantasy book series I had been reading lately was rejected loads of times before a literary agent accepted the book for representation. Well, to make the long story short the book was published and the whole Fantasy book series became the bestselling book series of all time if I'm not mistaken. Hmm, I read that the query has a lot to do with it. I mean, if I'm not mistaken I read somewhere that one's query better be good so that literary agents will somehow give the book a chance. Well, as of now I think I'm gonna go and keep on documenting my thoughts and my feelings and anything nonsense in between. Damn, if I can only start making a living out of writing then that will surely make the whole damn world a better place to live in. Hmm, I'm thinking of reading about a lot of new things then I'll go and blog about what I have read to share what I learned to my readers if I ever do have some. Or maybe it's just the frustrated teacher in me resurfacing all over gain. LOL. It's just that I'm not qualified to be a teacher. Hmm, I just simply don't have the brains and I don't have the heart. Well, I guess that's life and that's an amen.

Something Quirky is Interesting

Oh, remember that new set of secondhand books my sister bought? Well, when I browsed through the books most of those were romance novels. Hmm, I don't really have anything against romance novels. I mean, to think I was fond of reading those when I was a teenager most especially way back high school not to mention that romance novels gave me an idea of what really goes on when making love with someone. LOL. Hmm, so I guess I wasn't that ignorant after all. LOL. It's just that I don't know with me but at this stage of my life I somewhat feel like I'm already a graduate when it comes to reading romance novels. I mean, I'm not that high school girl anymore dreaming for a happy ever after. LOL. Well, on second thought since time in memorial I never really believed that there's such thing as a happy ever after in the real world. Hmm, maybe in my daydreams or romance novels or fairy tales there are but not in real life.

Well, besides the same plot happens in romance novels anyway. Hmm, I guess the only difference is just a matter of how the writer or author or novelist or whatever you call it went in circles just to stretch the plot into 350 pages or more. LOL. Well, thank goodness the new set of secondhand books my sister bought aren't all romance novels 'coz there's one which is said to be a funny story and that's the one I chose to read. LOL. Hmm, I'm not done reading this end-of-the-world inspired with a twist of humor book though so I guess this isn't the right time for me to come up with a book review if I ever will come up with one. Well, I think at this point I'm a bit interested in reading about the adventures and misadventures of witches and wizards with a twist of humor in it. It's just that I don't know if a book with that kind of theme was ever written. LOL.

Hmm, on second thought there are some writers or authors or novelists or whatever you call it who somehow write about the same theme but their readers just can't get enough of their novels 'coz the way those writers or authors or novelists or whatever you call it wrote their novels is spellbinding. Well, do you get me or is my grammar getting more and more confusing by the minute? LOL. You know what? Hmm, since it seems like I'm writing in such a childish way then I'm thinking if ever a miracle happens and my blog book gets published my blog book will fall under the “Books for Children” category or something. LOL. Oh, with a bit of parental guidance 'coz not all issues in this blog book is totally childish or what. I mean, if you can catch my drift. Well, let's just say I'm writing this blog book so that the younger generation will learn from my mistakes or shall I say stupidity and won't do the same thing for their own good the same way I learned how to learn from the mistakes of the generations before me while growing up. LOL.

Hmm, so here I am living my life the best way I can the way I know how. I want to be a writer. It's been my dream since I was eight and now I am given the chance to take my baby steps towards my dream to becoming a writer someday. Hmm, so here I am make-believing that I'm working as an amateur writer online and I just don't know where what I'm doing is going at this point in my journey towards a career in writing. Well, if I am really meant to be a writer someday then maybe God is working on it to make that dream of mine come true. Oh, I don't really believe in destiny 'coz I believe in making choices. You know what? I came to think that a book of a person's life written by God is like a flowchart. It's like what will happen in the next page depends on what took place in the current page. Oh, it's like what other people say that one's present defines one's future. It's like what one does today will somehow affect one's future or something. Hmm, so I'm kind of wondering what if I had the courage to face my fears the summer before college and decided to take Fine Arts. I mean, would I be sitting here now in front of my laptop as I am writing another blog draft or am I now traveling around the world capturing moments with a digital camera for my next photo book? LOL. Well, I don't really know. LOL.

Please Mind Your Own Beeswax

You know what? I'm still not over the mind reading without a gadget issue. I don't know with me. Oh, not to mention that the thought of being a guinea pig is really super annoying. You know what? It makes me want to learn that kind of magic that can block other creatures from getting inside my head. Oh, I read or knew or whatever about that kind of magic in the Fantasy book series I had been busy reading lately. You know what? There really is nothing so special in me so why can't other creatures just mind their own beeswax and leave me alone. I mean, I'm not doing anything to them anyway. Damn it. I'm just simply trying to live my life to the fullest the way I know how and that's pretty much it. I mean, I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. Damn, I can't help wonder why is it so damn hard for other creatures to understand that. Damn it.

Oh, when it comes to my readers if I ever do have some I guess it's much better for them not to take my literary masterpieces too seriously. LOL. I mean, I think taking all the nonsense I have written so far seriously is not an intelligent thing to do. LOL. Well, I simply just want to express myself the way I know how and I think it doesn't take for one to be a genius to understand that. LOL. Hmm, my readers if I ever do have some can keep on reading my blog if they ever feel like doing so. Well, a reminder to them whoever they are is I'm trying my damn best to write a blog for light reading and not a blog with a heavy atmosphere. Hmm, I'm not psychotic anymore or shall I say I'm not going through some mental and emotional torture anymore so the thought that my readers if I ever do have some found my blog entertaining doesn't piss me off anymore. LOL.

Hmm, I'm not really an entertainer. LOL. Well, let's just say I'm just doing my work here as an amateur writer online and there's really nothing personal 'coz it's all part of my work. LOL. I mean, it's really stupid for other creatures to take my literary masterpieces personally 'coz I'm not really writing for anyone in particular. LOL. I'm basically just writing to express myself and that's pretty much it and it's not my problem why other creatures out there are so assuming. LOL. Oh, not to mention that it's none of my concern why other creatures think the way they do. Well, I think I have said something like writing is a need and a want for me. Writing is like a therapy. Writing is what keeps me sane when I'm an inch away from insanity. I mean, writing makes me feel a whole lot better when stuffs don't seem to feel right not to mention that writing also makes me understand myself a whole lot better when I'm confused or something. That's pretty much it.

Hmm, I think there's nothing wrong with being a sort of entertainer by being a blogger here online. It's just that I don't wanna be a celebrity. LOL. I mean, I just wanna live a quiet and peaceful life. LOL. Well, that's why I'm carrying a pen name, right? LOL. Oh, now I remember how I am being entertained whenever I stalk my crushes. It's like my crushes are celebrities and I'm their number one fan. LOL. Well, the thing is I guess it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Hmm, most of my crushes are really celebrities. It's just that there are a few of them who are ordinary people. LOL. Damn, it's funny to realize that here I am whining about other creatures who can't mind their own beeswax when I myself can't mind my own beeswax by stalking my crushes. LOL. Well, on second thought most of my crushes are celebrities so it's nothing new to them to have stalkers and on the other hand I'm just an ordinary person so the thought of being tailed around all over the place is quite annoying. Hey, since I'm just an ordinary person then who would tail after me anyway? Damn, what the heck am I thinking? LOL. Hmm, as I've said it's time for me to put an end to my stalking career. LOL. Well, I'm still gonna keep on promoting my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” on social networking sites though. I mean, I'm still wishing for a thousand views on the video sharing website where I uploaded it by Christmas. Or make it a million. LOL. Hmm, so what else am I gonna talk about? Damn it. LOL.

Time to Simply Shrug it Off

By the way, my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” has reached another milestone on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Hmm, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. Oh, when I went online a few hours ago I found out that my lyric video earned two more comments. Hmm, I don't know if I'll start with the fair one or start with the bad one. Well, I better start with the bad one. Hmm, so someone wrote a comment telling me to stop and I'm thinking it means stop in promoting my song on social networking sites. You know what? Being told to stop in promoting my song on social networking sites feels like being told to perish on the face of the Earth. Ouch! It's just that I won't let such comment pull me down and I'll go on promoting my song until my Christmas wish is realized.

Hmm, so let's talk about the fair comment for my lyric video. Well, it was sort of an advice telling me to start with coming up with covers of songs with instruments then upload my song covers on a video sharing website and by the time I have earned some subscribers then that's when I introduce my original songs. Well, that sounds like a good advice. LOL. It's just that number one my laptop's sound recorder is broken and number two my headset with microphone is broken and is most probably in a dump site by now and number three I don't know how to play any musical instruments and number four my webcam is broken and number five I don't have a voice of a diva and number six I don't see the point of taking that advice given to me 'coz number seven I have given up on my dream to be a singer songwriter someday and that's an amen. LOL.

You know what? There are times when I think and feel like it's much better for me to lock myself inside the house. Well, never mind the reason why 'coz I'm not saying the answer I have in mind. Hmm, maybe 'coz I'm a home buddy and all that or something. Oh, not to mention that this kind of head God gave me may be a blessing at times but there are also times when this kind of head God gave me turns into a curse. By the way, on the day of the Punk Princess' birthday I found the time to read everything I wrote so far since I began carrying my pen name “Adeline Chrystyn” and I came to realize that it took months for me to write everything I wrote and it only takes a few hours to read everything. Oh, remember that book about dreams that I was reading a few days ago? Well, I stopped reading it and put it back in the shelf. Hmm, not because I don't wanna read it 'coz I have to say that that book is one of the best ones from the writer or author or novelist or whatever you call it who wrote it. LOL. Well, I put the book about dreams back in the shelf because my sister bought a new set of secondhand books a few days ago. Hmm, I browsed through the set of books and ended up getting interested in reading this said to be funny story.

Actually, I was a bit surprised to spot this book in the new set of secondhand books my sister bought. I mean, if my memory serves me right I have read about this funny book I'm talking about in a student publication a few years ago. Hmm, it's just that I can't recall if it was a student publication of my alma mater or my brother's, who is now in college, current university. Well, this book is end-of-the-world inspired with a twist of humor in it. Hmm, I'm not done reading the book yet so I guess this isn't the time for me to give a book review if I ever do come up with one. LOL. Well, it's the same thing I won't disclose the title of the book and the writers who wrote it. I mean, I guess it's much better for me to keep such information to myself to make the world a better place to live in. LOL. Oh, before I forget. I mean, my lyric video of my song “A Broken Record” now has six dislikes on the video sharing website where I uploaded it. Hmm, at least it still has one like. LOL. Oh, not to mention that that comment saying “This song hurts both my brain and my soul.” also has six likes so far if I'm not mistaken. Well, I don't really give a damn. I guess it's time for me to shrug all the negativity off. LOL. Hmm, I'm still wishing for a thousand views for Christmas though or make it a million. LOL. I guess it's time to look at the bright side.